Screenhead

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Surprise, surprise, another horror/slasher pic is coming out. Oh, more surprise, it’s a remake! Yes, The Hitcher, a remake of the 1987 film, is due out January 19th. Just when you’re overcoming New Year Blues, this will certainly set you in the mood for murdering someone.

There’s no surprises as to the plot. Two attractive young folk driving down a dusty highway decide to pick up what turns out to be a manic serial killer (Sean Bean this time, trying to claw his way back into Hollywood. Note to Sean: It didn’t work for Rutger Hauer). It’s directed by Dave Meyers, responsible for some awful music videos. This film makes me feel sorry for all the honest hitch-hikers out there who get no breaks due to paranoid, hysterical flicks like this. I wonder what the rise in roadside pneumonia cases was after the first film came out?

But my real problem is that it’s a remake. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve nothing against horror remakes, as they’re the easiest ones to improve on, being nothing but a series of blood squirts and piercing screams. But horror (especially slasher) is the least imaginative genre of the lot. Surely Rogue Pictures could have distributed something (mildly) original. How about this: A frustrated film critic called Al takes out his rage on members of the film industry in the most brutal manners available (suffocated by film stock, decapitated by light barn-doors, script paper cuts to death). I’ll call it…. Critic-al.

Please try to avoid this movie. If everyone stops paying, maybe some innovative horror may turn up.