So we’ve finally crossed the gap into the summer movie season, and all the big blockbusters are ready to play, so we can start things off with X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
Watching this one made me wonder, how are the fanbois not engaged in riots every time they watch this? Now, admittedly, I have NOT followed the whole X-Men franchise very deeply, mostly because I don’t have thousands of dollars to spend on comics to keep up with the regular monthly installments. But based on what little I DO know, they’ve completely screwed up the canon.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine is pretty much exactly what it says on the box—the origin story of one of the top favorite mutants of all time, Wolverine. And man, what an origin it is; going back over a hundred and fifty years, we follow Wolverine from his humble boyhood days of constant sickliness to his growth into the legendary badass we all know and in most cases love. From there, Wolverine will join the Weapon X project and participate in a massive plot that will, at the end, link up with the current series that’s already been released.
Part of the massive array of problems with X-Men Origins: Wolverine is part of the problem with every prequel—you already know, pretty much, how it will end. It’s spoilering, in a way, and yet in another equally real way, it’s absolutely NOT spoilering to tell you that Wolverine will be alive at the end of the movie. He has to be. After all, if he weren’t you couldn’t have the ENTIRE REST OF THE SERIES. You have to know how it will end going in just by the application of SHEER LOGIC. There’s just no two ways about it—if he died here he couldn’t possibly be in the rest of the movies so he must live through whatever happens, and that pulls a lot of the suspense out of it. Watching Wolverine fight the various enemies he comes across is thus somewhat anticlimactic. As awesome as the fight scenes are you know Wolverine will ultimately win because he has to be around for the rest of the series.
But there will be other problems too—ignorance of the canon, for one. For instance, Ryan Reynolds will play Wade Wilson, better known as Deadpool, the merc with the mouth. As happy as I am to see him for that few minutes he was there, I know damn well he should be wearing a mask because his healing abilities are the only thing keeping him from a slow death by cancer. And those healing abilities, coupled with the cancer, make his face look like a mass of giant red welts. Not like Ryan Reynolds, that’s for sure. There are many, MANY, other problems like this throughout the movie, and how the fanbois aren’t lynching people for this is utterly beyond me.
Plus, there will be all manner of plot holes, like how no one in the army ever noticed Sabertooth and Wolverine serving in every war since the CIVIL WAR but never aging a day.
However, there are upshots here—the action will prove fast and frenetic, and definitely summer movie explosive. It’s a fun movie, even if you ignore the serious continuity errors and canonical violations and sheer plot holes. If you can do that successfully, then you’ll enjoy the sheer viciousness of the movie and the highly stylized nature of its fight scenes. Otherwise, just stay home, because this thing will irritate you six ways from Sunday.
This is kind of a tough review to write, because it’s going to require that I contradict myself at just about every turn. Today I’m talking Wolverine and the X-Men, fresh out from Lions Gate.
Out doing promotion work for The Proposal, which opens next Friday, Ryan Reynolds 
