Screenhead

So Anchor Bay sent us out another in their long line of interesting titles the other day, and to that end, today we’re going to be talking The Forgotten.

Featuring Simon Baker from The Mentalist as a guy with a past revolving around some kind of bizarre Mexican death cult, he thinks he’s managed to move on…until his daughter goes missing.  And that’s when our boy finds himself neck deep in his past, going forth to attempt to find his missing daughter.

Admittedly, I found most of this movie pretty strange, and where it wasn’t strange it was just slow.  I got the feeling that I was missing large parts of it because I was completely lost by the subtext.  See, most of us really don’t know about or understand or even CARE about stuff like La Santa Muerte if it even actually exists.  But there are plenty of more subtle elements at work here–some deeper mystery aspects that make for a somewhat interesting title.

Sadly, though, there’s plenty of confusion here also, and that definitely doesn’t help things.  In fact, by the time it really gets interesting, it’s almost over. The ending is actually a pretty good twist, but it’s not really worth the trip.

The Screenhead Ten Scale looks at this slow, plodding wreck of a suspense movie, shakes its head in sorrow and hands it a five out of ten.  It’s nothing particularly bad yet it’s too dull and listless to be much of anything good, either.

Popularity: unranked [?]

I, unlike a whole lot of people, actually enjoyed one of the first films from WWE Entertainment, a movie studio that seems to exist for no other reason than to give wrestlers movie roles and try and make some quick bank.  And when Lions Gate put this sucker back on Blu-ray, it gave me just the opportunity I needed to start writing about it.

Today we’re talking See No Evil, a movie that acquaints you with Jacob Goodnight, played by massive man / mountain hybrid Kane, who won’t actually SAY anything through most of the movie, but you won’t really notice.  Goodnight, spurred on by a horrendous religious upbringing, went on to become the Hand of God killer, a serial killer who delighted in brutality and taking the eyes from his victims.  But when a bunch of juvenile detention subjects arrive at a run-down hotel in a bid to clean it to become a homeless shelter, for which they receive time served credit on their sentences, they’ll run afoul of the Hand of God, and most of them won’t survive.

One thing that See No Evil will do is make you actively hate it for introducing the well-known children’s Christian song, “Jesus Loves The Little Children”, into its proceedings.  There are some things that horror flicks just shouldn’t do, and bringing that song into things is just plain wrong.  I understand it was thematically necessary, given that Jacob Goodnight was a lunatic on par with the Westboro Baptist Church, only more apt to throw things, but still…surely they could’ve left the music out of it.

However, there’s a lot to like about this movie.  Kane is sufficiently menacing that he really doesn’t need lines, and the hotel they shot in is sufficiently run-down to project its own menace.  Plus there are all sorts of little hidey-holes and secret passages and whatnot to really add to the proceedings.  You don’t know who’s going to pop out of where and where they’ll do it next.  There’s even a taste of irony–check out what happens to the hippie chick who feeds a starving dog!  And, there’s a beautifully subverted trope in which someone’s cell phone actually works, much to their detriment.

Despite its problems, and they’re fairly minor, the Screenhead Ten Scale gives See No Evil a seven out of ten for its effectiveness as a thriller, even if it’s not exactly high brow.

Popularity: 1% [?]

This might be one of the biggest newsy bits we’ve had in quite some time, folks.  In fact, given who’s involved and what’s at stake this is a huge development.

The studio, at last report, is planning to move the movie Shutter Island from its original release date until sometime in 2010.  The reason given was due to the economy, but whether or not that’s the real case, no one knows.

Here’s the kicker: Shutter Island is a big name for a lot of reasons.  The first of which is its lead actor, Leonardo DiCaprio.  The second?  Its director is none other than the legendary Martin Scorsese. The first ever Martin Scorsese horror movie ever…got delayed a year.  Due to the economy.

Can anyone really imagine a Martin Scorsese movie tanking?  How about a Leo DiCaprio?  Put them both together and this should have spelled box office gold.  But why the delay?  Perhaps,  is there something worse than the economy afoot?  Is something seriously wrong with ShutterIsland?

Sadly, we don’t know.  But keep it here–you never know what we’ll find tomorrow.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Normally I malign Wes Craven work like no tomorrow as lacking subtlety or anything that might make a halfway-decent storyline.  But even I will always thank him for one movie:  Scream.

Scream pretty much single-handedly pulled the horror movie genre out of a morass that threatened to destroy it back in the late nineties.  I remember those days.  They were DARK.  There were times when I thought there might never again be a horror movie, and when you’re in high school, that’s just a horrible thing to think.

But Scream managed to reinvigorate the genre by taking all the best tropes and putting them over the top.  Thus, any iteration of Scream gets a free pass with me, for what it did all those years ago.  And Scream 4, which may or may not include Neve Campbell, has been officially confirmed by both Kevin Williamson and David Arquette.

The script is still being written so you know it’ll be a while before we get the chance to see it.   I’m prepared to believe this might be good, and even if it isn’t, I’m prepared to, once again, give it a pass.

Popularity: unranked [?]

You might wonder why I’m tackling such an “older” film today–after all, A Simple Plan was released back in the dim dark days of 1998.  A long time ago by anyone’s reckoning–I graduated from high school that year.  But there are reasons, rest assured.  One, it just got a rerelease just a couple weeks ago.  Two, its director, Sam Raimi, has recently been announced to take the director’s chair for the World of Warcraft movie, so some mention is due.  Three, this movie’s too good not to, and there’s a fair chance a lot of you haven’t seen it.

In A Simple Plan, three guys out in the woods one day find a downed aircraft quite by accident.  They go in to investigate and find a pilot, long dead at the stick, and a duffel bag with just shy of four and a half million dollars in it.  The three come to an agreement–keep the money and leave the plane behind.  What follows as a result of that decision is a series of horrific events that’ll change their lives forever.

If you enjoy anything about this masterful suspense / thriller, based on the book by Scott Smith, enjoy the fact that this sucker BUILDS suspense like an absolute master.  You’d never imagine that Sam “Evil Dead” Raimi had the subtlety for this kind of thing, but once you see A Simple Plan, it will be clear as daylight that he’s more than up to the task.   There’s a wonderful series of escalations and point / counterpoint going on here that shows what happens when people get greedy, or just plain old get needy.  The human capacity for deceit is in full bloom here, and it makes for incredible movie watching.  Watching the relationships interplay, not just within the three who found the money, but also from without, makes a interweaving tapestry of distrust, deceit and sheer thrills that just blows me away.

Even better are the actors he’s got handling the job.  I’m a little ambivalent about Billy Bob Thornton even in the best of times, but there’s no denying that he’s in fine form in this one.  This could be the best thing I’ve ever seen

It’s like I said–it’s that escalation that really makes this movie absolutely amazing to watch.  Every minute that passes, things only get more involved and steadily worse.  It doesn’t just shoot up to a plateau and stay there–it climbs, steadily, until its inevitable conclusion.

By the end, an incredible web of suspicion and paranoia has been built, and when it reaches its inexorable end, it’s downright amazing.  Okay, sure–it’s not all sunshine and lollipops here.  There’s a good few slow moments in here, a little drama between the foursome, but this really shouldn’t distract overmuch from the sheer amount of quality they’ll bring to bear here.

One thing is clear, Sam Raimi is some kind of insane freaky genius.  The guy knows what he’s doing.  This bodes incredibly well for the upcoming World of Warcraft movie, and there’s every reason to catch A Simple Plan, whether for the first time or the tenth.  The Screenhead Ten Scale responds with appropriate love, giving A Simple Plan nine out of ten for being a high-quality thriller with only a few rough edges.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Oh man, I’m really excited about this one.  Truly I am.  Because not only is it the first Dark Castle horror release we’ve had in quite some while (I’m having a tough time remembering the last one…was it The Messengers?  I’m not sure offhand.), and I loves me some Dark Castle about the same way that Harold and Kumar love their White Castle, only more often.

But not only is this a sweet Dark Castle release, it’s also a sweet suspense – thriller in general.  Let’s plunge right on in and tell you why this is a cool shot of thriller joy on a hot summer day.

As you’ve probably figured out from the trailers and advance stories and such, this is one of those great “creepy children” sort of suspense movies.  Esther is a sweet little nine year old who favors old-fashioned dresses and painting.  And she’s a gifted little artist, too–looking at some of her work, which looks a little on the surrealist side, speaks to a talent much greater than a nine year old really should have.  And so, it’s not much of a surprise when Esther finds herself adopted by a family that not only recently lost a child in stillbirth, but also has plenty more skeletons in its closet.  And so, the family brings home Esther, who quickly infiltrates the family structure, causes loads of discord and even a few murders.  But can the family survive Esther?  And does she really want a family…or her OWN family?

I have to admit that I spent a LOT of time in Orphan being badly freaked out.  Frankly, watching a nine year old perpetrate a hammer killing isn’t exactly the kind of thing you want to see just before you go to bed, but still, we’re talking about some SERIOUS issues here.   This is part and parcel of the whole thing–the audience is supposed to be, and probably will be, just about as terrified of what this little girl will do next as everyone in the movie is.

Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for what Esther’s paintings REALLY look like.  That may well have been the most unsettling moment of not only the movie, but any other movie recently released.

Where Orphan really shines is in its sheer bulk of didn’t-see-that-coming moments.  It surprises you. It shocks you.  Let’s be honest here, folks, it SCARES you.  None of this is right. This is not supposed to be. And yet, we SEE it.  It’s eminently believable, even when the plot twists rear their head.  And the plot twists will be amazing, yet still fairly safely ensconced in the realm of the all-too-possible.

That’s not to say that this gets off scot-free.  There are some pacing issues here, and the whole thing feels just a bit overlong.  They could’ve safely done some paring here, and I don’t think much of value would have been lost.  Some parts of this are just plain old awkward, and would’ve done better as part of a DVD cut, leaving the theatrical a trimmer, tauter thriller with more punch in its didn’t-see-that-coming.  And sure, it draws on a lot of earlier movies to the point where some of it is downright cliche.  But like the thundersnow scene near the start of the movie, (thundersnow does exist, but it’s pretty rare) there’s still plenty of unique in this movie.

Orphan takes home an eight out of ten on the Screenhead Ten Scale, with plenty to like but room for improvement, this movie is almost certain to scare and surprise you.

Popularity: unranked [?]

All right, folks–you’re going to want to brace yourselves for this one because, better than a MONTH ahead of schedule, we’ve got a copy of Ghost Image, set to be released to DVD August 25th by MTI.

With a name like Ghost Image, you know it’s going to be a horror flick, plain and simple.  When a video editor loses her boyfriend to a tragic accident, she soon discovers that her boyfriend isn’t as far away as she once thought.  But the problem is, plenty of other things that she thought were far away–like her dead sister–are also closer to hand than she thought.  Now, she’s got to figure out if her boyfriend’s trying to get a hold of her from beyond the grave…or if she’s just slowly going crazy.

I know, I know…just a little bit done to death.  But I have to admit, as far as ghost-driven mystery / thrillers go, this one is actually pretty compelling.  The cast, which actually has a lot of solid history, coming off such stuff as Law and Order, The Sopranos, and even Walk The Line, does a nice job of keeping us involved in the action.

I was afraid, going in, that this was going to be some kind of second-rate Lifetime-esque sort of thriller.  You know, one of those really cheesy ones where the women are all heroic and the men are all rapists who secretly want to hurt all the women around them?  But no, this was actually fairly more highbrow than that.  In fact, there were plenty of creepy moments here (whoever did the effects on the bloody little girl that kept popping up either deserves some kind of award or a sock in the gut for providing some serious nightmare fuel), and plenty of good solid twists and turns.  As a horror movie, it’s definitely got the scare chops.  As a thriller, it’s got the necessary twists.  As a romantic drama, it delivers the goods there too.

I’m abundantly surprised in how many directions Ghost Image will go in, and how effectively it will go in those directions.  Seriously, this is some pretty sweet stuff right here, and I’m really very pleased with what I saw.  There wasn’t anything too predictable in this one, and there were a lot of nifty surprises that were pretty hard to even suspect coming.  Seriously, I’m very, VERY happy with this.  The last twenty minutes of Ghost Image are going to prove to be laden with a whole host of twists and surprises that’ll just amaze you.  I was stunned.

Now, like I said up above, you’ve got a bit over a full-on month to wait until you can lay hands on this little beauty yourself.  But I assure you, that when the time finally does come that you can see it, you should.

I’ve said this more than once so far, but it bears repeating.  Ghost Image is the kind of movie you definitely want to see, and on the Screenhead ten-scale, ranks a very solid eight out of ten.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Even independent, direct to video filmmaking often stays away from certain types of movie.  For instance, you don’t see a whole lot of indie action fare.  Indie sci-fi is also slim in the market.  And indie heist movies?  Now THESE are rare.  How rare, you ask?  Well, to borrow from Scott Adams, imagine Rush Limbaugh milking Elizabeth Hasselbeck to get milk for his pet sea monster.  Indie heist movies are even more rare than good analogies.

And this particular indie heist movie, dubbed The Code, brings together Antonio Banderas and Morgan Freeman as a couple of thieves out for the score of a lifetime–Faberge eggs.  The downside, of course, is that these priceless treasures are currently hidden in the spectacularly well-secured vault of a New York diamond wholesaler.  And now, the dynamic duo of Gabriel and Ripley is about to tackle that massive score together, through a series of ingenious methods, spectacular double-crosses, and just a little pinch of romance and humor.

Let me be clear up front–this movie is awesome.

That having been made perfectly clear, I’ll elaborate.  It’s a wonder no one’s ever thought to try and pair actors Banderas and Freeman together in one movie, at least not one that I can recall. They work spectacularly well together.  They’re handling their roles with the same kind of aplomb and talent that George Clooney and Matt Damon brought to similar heist roles.  And just because I said that the humor’s been ratcheted down a bit, that doesn’t mean it’s non-existent.  There will be funny here, just not quite in the concentration that, say, Ocean’s Eleven brought it in. I’m comparing this to Ocean’s Eleven for a lot of good reasons, and frankly, I say this says nothing but good for The Code.

Plus, the script is excellent.  They’ve set this up beautifully, and will steadily work through the various conflicts and issues that pop up with smooth regularity.  The stunning inventiveness that The Code offers is spectacular.  By the time you get to the end, you will find a number of twists easily on par with Ocean’s Eleven, or even, dare I say it, on par with The Usual Suspects.

And I said there’d be romance involved?  Yes, that’s here too—if you wanted to use this as a date movie, I don’t think anyone’s going to walk away disappointed.  No matter which side of the date you’re on, go ahead and suggest this one, because no one will be dissatisfied.  I’m actually rather surprised at the sheer number of fronts this movie covers—comedy, action, romance…it’s all here and it’s all well-represented.

It doesn’t matter what side of the aisle you’re on; there are plenty of reasons—GOOD reasons—to like The Code.  The performances are all universally excellent, the storyline is coherent and rich with twists, and the sheer versatility of the movie makes it well worth laying your hands on.  It’s safe to say that, if you like movies in general, you’re going to get SOMETHING out of The Code.  It’s a really rare kind of movie that can say that, and The Code is one of those movies.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Five Fingers is the kind of movie that must be seen to be believed, and once it is seen, cannot help but be appreciated.  This is a wildly clever title that will do downright amazing things, if you’re willing to spend about two thirds of it completely in the dark.

Basically, it’s about a young Dutch pianist named Martijn who’s going to Morocco to set up a food program.  On the way there, he’s shot full of some random drug, his traveling companion is shot, and he’s forced into some kind of interrogation / mind game in which he’s out to not only survive, but also learn his captor’s true objectives and also escape, if he can.

Five Fingers will be an extremely, EXTREMELY deliberate movie, giving away only tiny bits of the plot at any given time.  They will take an excruciatingly long time going over it all, and they will only toss out a tiny bit after a good long sequence has passed.

Oh, and there’s a really creepy reason they call it “Five Fingers”.  Trust me on that one, it’s creepy.

It’s hard to say much of anything about a movie like this.  It will require great focus to get anything out of it because they’ll be advancing the plot in tiny, tiny chunks at a time, surrounding it with alternating sequences of tedium and brutality.  It’s not even organized the way a standard narrative would be, with the backstory in one solid mass somewhere near the beginning, and then the remaining events of the narrative proceeding outward from there.  But in Five Fingers, we get the backstory in little bits at a time, pieces and pieces here and there, and the story they form is downright amazing.  You will be in suspense for literally most of the film.

By the time you get to the end of this monster, you’re going to be absolutely amazed by what has just happened.  The concept is just mind-boggling in its complexity.  I’m still amazed by the sheer number of twists the last fifteen minutes represented.  Even after seeing it through, they sprung a trap on me the likes of which I’d never seen before.  I’m repeating the word “amazed” a lot here because I just plain old AM AMAZED by this.

The sheer minimalism of this one is what’s doubly disconcerting–they did this with a cast of about half a dozen speaking roles and most of it was shot in what might have been an abandoned steel mill.    They’ve done so much with comparatively little that, looking at some hundred million dollar piece of summer movie excess almost leaves me feeling bloated and revolted by comparison.

Seriously, if you want to see what just a little bit can do, get your hands on a copy of Five Fingers.  This will prove the immense value of a good script.  There are virtually no special effects in this–a few squibs and blood packs, that’s really about it.  There are no huge set pieces, no expensive backdrops, just the kind of thing that could probably be done on the strength of an everyday consumer credit card.

Five Fingers may be one of the biggest surprises of the year, and if you want to see what kind of surprises can hit you when you’re not looking, run out and get one of these amazingly clever pieces.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Sadly, Are You Scared 2 is one of those sequels…one of those sequels that proves that a sequel is almost always a bad idea because they’re so desperate to cash in on a name that they’ll put any kind of sludge up on screen.  And that is the case with Are You Scared? 2, a sequel that can’t quite hold the mustard against its halfway decent predecessor.

Jumping on the “geocaching” bandwagon, by which people armed with GPS locators go wandering the planet looking for random stuff that’s been buried in the ground.  And when Team DNA, a geocaching band with growing notoriety on the web, goes for their record-breaking run, they run afoul of a crew of maniacs hosting their OWN web-based broadcast with a much more sinister bent.  The name of THAT webcast is, essentially “kill the stupid geocachers”.  Aided and abetted by a crowd of rich degenerates who are willing to pay exorbitant sums to watch people die slowly and messily.

Yes, it’s torture porn mixed with a cheesy game show and brought to you on the strength of a halfway decent Saw knockoff.  That’s all the original really was, you know, which is why I really wasn’t holding out much in the way of hope for this one to be any good.

I admit, when it started, I actually thought I might be pleasantly surprised, especially when I discovered that genre favorite Tony Todd was going to be involved.  He’s a genre favorite actor for a reason, folks–pretty much everything he shows up in, he turns in a decent performance.  There aren’t very many roles that gravelly-voiced genius can’t turn out solidly.

I have to say “not very many” of course because for what may be the first time in recent memory, Todd has officially screwed the pooch.  I’m watching him play the guy behind the whole thing and I’m really a lot more bored than I should be.   I’m bored mostly because all Todd will do is mutter vaguely at his monitors and do random stuff like:

1. Play with his pet turtle.  He’s named it “Timothy”.  I’m baffled and disgusted all at the same time that they’d waste my time with this garbage.

2. Water his plants.  He uses a spray bottle.

3. Drink wine.  He seems to prefer red.

Frankly, the torture porn involved in this was bad enough, but when you intermingle it with scenes from the newest HGTV series “At Home With A Deranged Lunatic”, the whole thing just falls apart.

After how the first one turned out, I was at least hoping for a little bit of more of the same– I couldn’t believe I was hoping for more of the same!–but what I got was a badly planned, badly realized hash of a movie that couldn’t have been worse if it tried.  The plot holes were massive (did no one think to maybe, you know, break a window to get out of the building?).  The dialogue was godawful (if you have to fill script pages by having characters repeat dialogue, you desperately need editing).  And if anyone actually manages to care about any of these characters, I’ll be just all sorts of amazed.

So if you’re looking to watch hot chicks get tortured and dismembered for no clear reason, or for sequels that have nothing to do with their predecessors, or for a truly lousy movie, then Are You Scared 2 is going to be exactly what you need.

Popularity: unranked [?]