So today I’ve come in contact with one of the first ever examples of Screamkings online videomaking–the question is, is their short title For Indoor Use Only any good? Let’s watch!
A young man, working with some Christmas lights, curses the holiday in a moment of frustration. And when that happens, Christmas decides to take its revenge.
Admittedly, Christmas horror is in fairly short supply. But this particular example is kind of sparse. Sparse like the needles on Charlie Brown’s tree. Oh, sure, what’s here is done fairly well, but it’s not very satisfying. It’s almost like the Christmas mashed potatoes, or shaped sugar cookies without frosting. Far from the best, but not necessarily offensive.
The Screenhead Ten Scale shrugs in the general direction of this lackluster title and awards it a five out of ten. While there isn’t anything really wrong with it, it lacks the necessary force to be called good. The best you can say about it is that it’s merely mediocre.
Lions Gate and Massify are linking up to create a partnership aimed at finding the next great filmmakers.
We all know who Lions Gate is, but you may not be familiar with Massify, the world’s largest online film production network. The Lions Gate Incubator Project, LINC, gives Lions Gate access to Massify’s huge talent pool. They’re already getting a project ready for launch within the next few weeks, a “high-concept, male-driven comedy short” that will be developed into a feature length production later. Here’s the word from Lions Gate:
“There is a revolution of new ideas in filmed entertainment online,” said Curt Marvis, President of Digital for Lionsgate. “We intend to be at the forefront of accessing this enormous and largely untapped source of fresh talent and original new voices. Just as we are always looking for ways to monetize our content in a broadband environment, we are equally committed to using new media platforms as a source of new content. Massify’s large and talented community of filmmakers make them an ideal partner to bolster our online initiatives.”
Smart move for Lions Gate–they need to find the next Saw before someone else does, and the More of the Same plan you’re seeing at places like Universal just doesn’t seem to be holding up. After all, GI Joe STILL hasn’t made its shooting budget back yet despite having sold a hundred and fifty million dollars’ worth of tickets at last view, whilst the dirt-cheap Paranormal Activity took in a whopping hundred-plus on a shoestring.
The one thing I really love about short films is their openness. Anybody can come along and shoot one of these on a shoestring in their backyard. And today, we’re going to prove that exactly right with Dearest Mrs. Apple.
This is the story of a man, his unusual friendship, and the circumstances that led to its end. I know, sounds kind of like some cheesy chick flick or something, but I assure you, someone will get eaten by the end of this.
Yeah. EATEN.
Dearest Mrs. Apple is actually pretty funny because of its ludicrous nature and its outlandish concept. This is almost too stupid to be believed, but it will carry on anyway, despite the fact that it really has no business existing.
The Screenhead Ten Scale loves a quick cheap laugh, and thus hands Dearest Mrs. Apple a six out of ten for bringing the funny in short film.
So I found another interesting short on YouTube to take a run at, and it’s the hardest sort of film to discuss–the movie that’s so confusing that it’s downright scary.
It’s actually hard to give you a plot synopsis without spoilering, mostly because this film is only about two and a half minutes long. But suffice it to say, anyone with a fear of clowns need not apply. And anyone who’s not fond of unusual dinner choices should also stay waaaaaay far away from this.
It’s pretty awesome, in one sense–a lot of really creepy stuff is going to happen here, but the only real problem with it is that not much of it will make sense. It’s pretty scary in that regard, because nothing here will exactly be expected, but at the same time, it’s SO far off kilter that it’s kind of tough to follow, and any coherence in the plot is just SHOT.
The Screenhead Ten Scale gives a quizzical look at the whole thing, shrugs, gives a hearty meh and hands A Kid At Heart a six out of ten. It’s scary, sure, but it’s also really, REALLY, confusing.
Under normal circumstances, folks, when someone tells me about a Twilight parody, I’m all over it like Lindsay Lohan on a sack full of white powder. But when you say that the Twilight parody in question will involve PUPPETS, now, there’s just no way you’re going to keep me out.
Yes, one of my least favorite movies ever, Twilight, gets skewered in a grand YouTube experience called “Twilight: The Puppet Saga”.
It is hilarious, mostly because it’s accurate, and because the creator of the film couldn’t stop referring to pretty much everyone except Bella as “Team (Fill in the blank).” He even had Edward wearing a shirt that read “Team Edward”, and he called him that all throughout the short.
Twilight fans out there–this is what the rest of the world sees whenever it watches that movie. Seriously. It’s not fun.
The Screenhead Ten Scale recovers from its newest paroxysm of helpless laughter to hand this sweet dose of puppet fun an eight out of ten for sheer raw awesome.
You know, you’ve got to feel for a movie that’s got big brass ones sufficient to make THIS its synopsis:
A short film horror movie about a haunted house and two investigators were sent in on the night of december 12 2008 at 11:15 pm by the president to investigate the house and kill whats in it.
Does that sound like the intro paragraph to an eighties video game to anyone else? Like a weird mix of Ghostbusters and Bad Dudes. But this strange synopsis aside, how does it watch?
Sadly, it watches like a really low budget mix of Ghostbusters and Bad Dudes. Seriously, this is pretty bad. And I understand this is, apparently, two kids screwing around with a camera, but considering how much of the dialogue is lost to wind in the mike, and how much of the dialogue wasn’t audible even when they were OUT of the wind and the fact that they left their blooper reel in the movie itself (at one point, one of the “investigators” will turn on a light in a room, only to have it quickly turned off again by the other investigator.)
The Screenhead Ten Scale understands that they tried, but due to cripplingly massive technical problems and a complete lack of editing hands it a three out of ten.
There’s a short film on YouTube–in retrospect it never should have been this big of a surprise–called The Horribly Slow Murderer With The Extremely Inefficient Weapon.
And as Jack Cucchiaio finds himself running from his life from the poorly armed maniac, he finds himself in a race against time–an extremely slow race, granted, but a race nonetheless!–to find out the truth behind this killer before the killer can finish his deadly, extremely long term, project.
I about laughed myself stupid watching this. Seriously–these are guys who know their horror movies, because they’re frantically mocking virtually every convention ever involved in a horror movie. Watching this horribly slow murder go down was just hilarious. And yet at the same time, a little creepy. They really knew what they were doing, and so I recommend it openly. The movie itself actually drags on, much like the killing itself.
So does the Screenhead Ten Scale, which knows a laugh when it sees it. Short film or no, this is hilarious stuff and absolutely deserves its eight out of ten.
You’ve got to give the crew behind Creeper a little credit for effort–they recorded all their own music to add onto this three minute short film. It’s too bad that that’s pretty much the only area in which they succeeded.
In this one, a young man finds himself running afoul of some random monster or possibly human that sounds like he’s been chain-smoking rope since the eighties. Anyway, this human / monster thing is dispatched to kill the young man for some reason, but we don’t know what that reason is. All we know is, his time is UP.
And yes, the musical score is pretty nifty, but what they forgot to do was actually make a movie. There’s no coherent plot here outside of some fart noises on voice mail and a guy getting killed for no clear reason. I’m not even sure whether the guy that did the killing was a man or a monster. And what’s with all the coughing? The movie was actually TOO short, leaving a lot of its issues unresolved.
There are a great many questions that I don’t have answers to because Creeper didn’t bother to create them.
The Screenhead Ten Scale respects the musical side of this whole short endeavor, but at the same time, can’t help but be a little unsettled by the fact that there’s not much of a, you know, MOVIE here. It thusly hands out a three out of ten.
When a film company titles itself Mediocre Films, it’s hard to tell whether you should expect their work to be good or expect to be, well, mediocre. But today’s short film, a fairly interesting piece from Mediocre entitled Trick or Treat, is at least fairly good.
Two guys are hanging out in one of their houses and talking about movies they should make when they get the idea to make a documentary. Wondering who would make the best documentary target, they hit on a random stranger hanging around outside the house who knocks on the door with one message–trick or treat. But when we find out more about the random stranger, we discover that he brings plenty of trouble in his trick or treat bag.
It’s hard to tell where Trick or Treat is going, primarily because it makes almost no sense at all for most of its six minute run time. By the time it gets to the horror part of the show, you’re so abjectly lost that literally anything could happen. This is actually an interesting effect as most horror flicks like to telegraph their punches from the word go, but this one will keep you guessing.
In fact, if you can stay interested until the very end, you’ll likely discover that the whole thing makes a lot more sense looking back than going forward, and that’s a lot like life itself.
The Screenhead Ten Scale gives this strange analogy for life itself a six out of ten–it’s confusing, yes, but it’s also funny and just a bit creepy, and that’s a great combination.
You know, I’ve seen PLENTY of horror movies focusing on elevators. Black Out, The Shaft, there was even a lot of elevator action figuring into the old Dario Argento title Demons 2. The thought of being stuck in an elevator or falling down an elevator shaft fills more than a few people with cold dread. So it’s not too much of a surprise to see Hellevator, a movie that tries to play on that cold dread.
This time, it’s about what it sounds like–an elevator that goes straight to hell itself. And for one young man, it’s going to be the ride of his afterlife.
It’s an interesting idea, and they did manage to get some clever action movie dialogue in there–for a short film, this is an especially decent idea. The big problem with it, though, is that only occasionally are snippets of dialogue so loud as to be heard. I had my speakers up nice, and the YouTube volume itself on full–which blasts a video I found of Rehab’s Sitting At A Bar just fine.
But aside from that, Hellevator is a nifty concept poorly executed, so you know what the Screenhead Ten Scale’s got in mind: a five out of ten.
Lions Gate and Massify are linking up to create a partnership aimed at finding the next great filmmakers.