Screenhead

Well, folks, I really, truly hadn’t thought it possible, but today, I actually saw something new and original come out of Hollywood.  In an era of remakes, reboots, reimaginings, and a whole bunch of other terms that start with the prefix meaning “again” that are all basically code for “we desperately want to keep our jobs so we’re only going to do what we know damn well will work”, anything truly new and different is at a premium.

District 9 is definitely at a premium.

The story is amazingly complex, yet still accessible–for reasons largely unknown, a race of aliens essentially washes up on Earth with no way to get home.  They’re an advanced race, with weapons of staggering power that they’re not really interested in using, and by all reports, they’re not here to hurt us or kill us or eat or enslave us…they just want to go home.  Seems most of these aliens are worker-caste aliens, so they don’t do so hot on things like “initiative” and “thinking for yourself”.

And that’s when the UN gets involved, or rather the general equivalent.  They in turn subcontract to MNU, a Blackwater-esque organization hired to secure the gulag in which the aliens have been placed.  And now, one MNU agent will become a whole lot closer to the alien problem than he ever imagined.

The best part about this movie, and here I will take issue with the New York Press’ critic Armond White, is that it manages to be just about everything to just about everybody.  It’s got the first-person behind-the-camera threat of Blair Witch, it’s got the action-smash of Independence Day, and it’s got all the vaguely Spielbergian benevolence of “higher beings”.

There’s really nothing out there like District 9, unless you count Alive In Joburg, the original short film from which District 9 was adapted.  And you can tell there’ll almost certainly be a sequel, and if it’s not called District 10 I believe I will eat my own hat.  District 9 is a really spectacular movie that’s going to have just about anything and just about everything you could want in a movie.  It will leave you satisfied, almost certainly.

Thus, the Screenhead Ten Scale gives District 9 its namesake, a nine out of ten for being UNIQUE (Hollywood, take a lesson here–us critics just LOVE the new stuff!), and at the same time managing to pack in virtually everything anyone else could want.  Some things are worth taking a chance on.  This is one of them.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Seriously, when I first heard that Steven Spielberg was looking to handle the Halo movie I was just all sorts of perplexed.

One, I thought that role had already been offered to District 9’s Neil Blomkap.

Two, seriously…what’s Spielberg doing handling video game translations?

Three, aren’t video game translations supposed to suck out loud?  What if this one turns out to be, you know, GOOD?  Granted, this isn’t so much a video game adaptation as it is an adapation of a book based on a video game (the movie’s script is slated to center around The Fall of Reach), but that’s really just semantics.  At its roots, this will be a Halo movie.

I’m not sure this will work out, but one thing’s clear, the whole thing will probably prove to be pretty interesting before it’s all said and done.  Whether or not Spielberg can make a video game movie is up for grabs, but considering his array of successes, I’d figure he’s got a chance.  Might be interesting to have a GOOD game movie to talk about for a change.

Popularity: unranked [?]

What happens when you give Vikings science fiction weaponry and send them to do battle with a creature straight out of a horror flick?

Well…it probably wouldn’t actually look much like Outlander, but hey; at least they tried!

Seriously, though–as glib as my description sounds, it’s actually not too far off from the truth.  An alien, played almost inexplicably by former Jesus analogue Jim Caviezel, flees an interstellar war only to land on Earth.  He’s crash landed on the shores of Norway, circa, oh, seven hundred AD or so.  But he’s brought company along for the ride–a huge murderous alien called the Moorwen, who immediately begins tearing holy hell out of the immediate Norwegian area.  Thus, it’s left to our alien buddy to recruit some good old fashioned Norse help and go hunt up the Moorwen before it turns Scandinavia into the biggest all you can eat buffet on Earth.

First off, as science fiction-based action epics go, Outlander is both terribly predictable and yet at the same time not bad for it.  It’s a lot like, say, Beowulf or The 13th Warrior or any of a dozen other hack-and-slays just like this except with the added twist of having aliens involved.

Second, the plot additions do trend a bit toward the far-fetched.  I’m amply familiar with the panspermia theory–frankly, I think it’s a load–and so every time I see a movie that uses the plotline that Earth is just a seed colony of some alien race I find myselfscoffing contemptuously at the very idea.  However, this is a small point, and really won’t interfere with the movie itself.

The movie itself, meanwhile, is really quite fun.  They’ve added some really novel twists to it–like the Shields game–that definitely caught my attention.  I’ve seen my share of movies like this, and this might well be one of the best of the lot I’ve seen in some time.  They really did play up the “epic” side of this one, with some infighting and some outfighting and even just a little bit of the old political intrigue just to round things out.  It’s really not just “alien humanoid goes hunting up alien monstrosity”.  There’s quite a bit more to it than that.

Regrettably, the “sci-fi weaponry” I mentioned above will be in short supply, at least when it comes to doling them out to the Vikings.  You’ll get to see some of it in action, and it’s downright awesome, but frankly there’s not much of it involved here.  And that which is actually involved is only involved in the most roundabout of senses.  I’m perplexed as to how this giant, clearly military ship was only carrying ONE GUN.  And while I’m at it, what happened to alien boy’s clearly superior armor?  He took it off at the crash site and then just sort of forgot about it.  Was it carried away by animals?   In that sense, it’s somewhat of a disappointment but there’s still plenty of joy to be had here.  Thus, the disappointment is scarcely too graphic.

The Screenhead Ten Scale,therefore, gives this one a seven out of ten for being an engaging if flawed action thriller, that’s so very much like that which has come before it, and at the same time, offering some fresh new features that make it well worth watching.

Popularity: unranked [?]

I did not watch a lot of Torchwood.  It was mostly on BBC America, and the few episodes I saw on the Sci Fi Channel showed up so sporadically in both time and date that I didn’t even know when it was on half the time.

But the few I did see, well, I have to admit there was something there. Especially when I got my hands on an advance copy, which is only just available on DVD today, of Torchwood: Children of Earth.

In Torchwood: Children of Earth, the Torchwood crew is going to go through five really, REALLY unpleasant days of an alien invasion by a race that calls itself the 456.  The 456 wants only one thing–Earth’s children.  Further complicating matters is that there’s one lone survivor of the 456’s last invasion, and he knows they’re on their way.  But can Torchwood manage to defeat the 456 before the children of Earth are lost forever?

It resembles nothing so much as a really, REALLY dark version of Men in Black but for England.  And it almost seems badly out of place–most Torchwood episodes involved the handful of Torchwood employees tackling that week’s Special Guest Villain / Paranormal Oddity.  And if you haven’t seen a lot of Torchwood before, you’re going to be just a little lost on some of the finer points of who’s who and what’s what.

But–and this is the really interesting part–if you haven’t seen a lot of Torchwood, you can actually go in blind on this one.  It functions just as well as a stand-alone as it does part of a greater series, if somewhat differently.  I have to admit that I got taken up with the whole thing, watching the interestingly-laid paths of science fiction and action with plenty of thriller capability.

It’s pretty solid, and a little chilling.  This is, as I said, a much darker iteration of the normal Torchwood series.  Longtime fans may be put off by this and may even go so far as to wonder if this is a whole new direction for the Torchwood series to go in.   Even the DVD menu was a chiller, frankly–the first time I heard the 456 speak I got the willies something fierce.  In fact, I don’t know what it is, but calling an alien race “the 456″ is somehow the most ominous name I’ve heard in a long time.  I’ve heard a lot of alien race names that carried plenty of fiendish glottals–the K’Klikkit, the K’Tang, the Ur-Quan (both Kohr-Ah and Kzer-Za)–but somehow, something as simple as a race that goes by three numbers in sequence (those of you who remember Star Trek: Voyager and Species 8472, you have to admit that’s somehow not so foreboding.  Maybe it’s the addition of “species” or the lack of sequence, I don’t know) is just the creepiest thing in some while.

Oh, and special advance warning for those who haven’t seen the show: brace yourselves in advance for some homosexuality and naked men.

The critical thing to remember is, Torchwood: Children of Earth has a lot going for it, but you’re going to have to clear your schedule.  Like FIVE HOURS of your schedule.  But if you do, you should enjoy the results. The Screenhead Ten Scale gives Torchwood: Children of Earth a seven out of ten for managing to be accessible to the newcomers and yet valuable to those who’ve seen some episodes before.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Folks, if you want the very latest in groundbreaking, chance-taking, movie making joy, you’re not going to go to the theatre.  You’re going to go to the video store or somewhere similar.  And today, I’m going to be filling you in on one of the biggest little movies that hasn’t even managed to come out yet.  That’s right–you’re getting a really, really, REALLY advance sneak peek at Interplanetary, the second feature-length film from the guys out at Crewless Productions.

In case you’re not already familiar with these guys–and you should be, believe me–they were the bunch behind Hide And Creep, perhaps the first and only movie to feature a video store clerk as a romantic male lead.    Interplanetary brings that special blend of comedy, suspense, action and sheer low-budget antics to a new frontier this time, science fiction.

In Interplanetary, the Interplanetary Corporation has set up a base on the surface of Mars, for reasons that can only be described as poorly explained.    But this really isn’t the point, as the crew of the Interplanetary Corporation live and work on Mars, and are convinced that they’re the only ones on the planet…at least, until someone takes a rocket launcher to Mars Base Two.  Now the folks at Interplanetary  are neck-deep in mysteries like:

1. Who’s shooting at us?

2. What’s that alien monstrosity that keeps killing us off?

3. Does any of this have anything to do with the fossil we found?

4. Did you get that memo I sent you about the TPS reports?

Before you start thinking that ’s from the wrong movie, you’re right, but not as right as you think.  See, the more I watched Interplanetary, the more I was convinced that it was a weird cross between Total Recall and Office Space.  The Interplanetary Corporation contains a very large and very rigid bureaucracy, and the corporate hierarchy is so ingrained in its workers–at least its middle managers, who are in charge of the base–that they consult company policy manuals for instructions on how to react to hostage situations.  Even when they’re the ones being taken hostage.

This mix is incredibly hard to maintain even under normal circumstances, but doubly hard considering that Interplanetary will actually take itself seriously the whole time.  Yes, there are plenty of killer jokes in here–a short-range spacecraft is dubbed the Hesperus–and there are also more than a few good doses of suspense and action too.  There’s a little bit of something for just about everybody in Interplanetary,  and that’s going to make this a movie superior to a lot of its kind.

There will even be a slew of surprises to be had here–the ending must be seen to be believed–and they’ll be inserted at random throughout the proceedings just to keep things even more interesting.

For those of you who think that science fiction can only be good with A-list stars and an A-list budget, I’m profoundly honored to offer up Interplanetary, a move that will prove you wrong by every measure possible.  In fact, if you’re any kind of science fiction fan at all, this will just prove to be entirely too good to miss.

Popularity: unranked [?]

No one really sees a movie like Terminator: Salvation coming.

I know, that’s a baffler—who didn’t see this one coming? Hollywood’s frantic and desperate for cash in the worst economy since the seventies, quite possibly since the Great Depression itself. Of COURSE they’re going to exploit every single property they have in their arsenal in the insane search for More Money.

But where the unexpected part is when one of these insane cash grabs actually turns out to be good. That’s just unaccountable. Downright unfathomable, even.

In this installment, we’ve gone ahead to the not-too-distant future (nine years away, folks!) of 2018. A military installation called Skynet, an artificial intelligence designed to run the military has become self-aware and decided that humanity may be the greatest threat to its existence. So, with its control of the vast American nuclear arsenal, Skynet took care of the problem the only way it knew how—it enacted the Bush Doctrine and freed the hell out of us.

Now, a ragtag human resistance wages a continuous war against the machines, Skynet’s android soldiers, each a part of Skynet’s vast network. A series of time travel efforts and such have put us to the ultimate position where Skynet’s out to kill a thirteen year old boy before he can be sent back in time to have sex with a waitress in the 1980s so that she can give birth to the greatest military figure the world has ever known. Yeah, I know—it’s a bit confusing, but factor out the time travel and things work out a LOT better, trust me. To that end, Skynet’s out to kill both John Connor, the greatest military figure guy, and Kyle Reese, the thirteen year old time traveler and Connor’s daddy by using an android so sophisticated that it seems to leapfrog all of Skynet’s current advances (the prototype is the superior model? Huh?) that it manages to even keep its android nature a secret from itself.

I’m personally glad to see a Terminator that’s actually set in the future. Usually all we get to see of the future war is brief, and dark (like at night dark) before they jump back to present-day Los Angeles. Though looking at the movie leaves me with a whole lot of questions—why the massive technological disparity between Skynet’s forces and human forces, for one? Humans are basically using twentieth century tech whilst Skynet’s running around with superhuman vertol aircraft with hover capabilities, giant robotic soldiers easily four times the height of a Seven-Eleven, and plasma cannons. Meanwhile, humans have…um…machine guns? Unusually small grenade launchers? Nothing that wouldn’t have already been found in the Gulf War?

Wow…we SUCK. Seriously, didn’t anyone even think to grab one of those Terminators they shut down and try and at least figure out how they’re so clearly bulletproof?

And don’t even get me started on how Marcus Wright is the first significant Terminator infiltrator, but he’s clearly superior to even Skynet’s latest version despite the fact he was made BEFORE SKYNET ITSELF.

But when I ignore the massive array of downright impossibilities that this movie represents, and all the weird plot holes, what I get is a fun little action movie / popcorn romp that’s fairly watchable when taken by itself. This is downright tailor-made for summer movie season, and even though it represents a canon-wrecker on par with anything we’ve ever seen, it does at least prove entertaining.

Popularity: 1% [?]

I begin today’s piece with a confession, folks.  When I first heard there was going to be a Star Trek movie, rather, ANOTHER Star Trek movie, I cringed.  And then I got angry–how desperate was Hollywood that they would drag the carcass of Star Trek, a series whose quality had been steadily plummeting for years with the lone exception of Star Trek: First Contact, and only because it was so Borg-heavy that you couldn’t help but pay attention.  That and Patrick Stewart is sixteen levels of awesome.  But I digress.

Young Kirk?  I muttered derisively.  Young Spock?  How desperate is THIS?

And then I saw it.

Well, savor the flavor, folks, because I’m about to admit I was WRONG.  This movie was just plain fantastic.

The plot is, basically, what it says on the box–it’s Star Trek.  Specifically, a strange sort of prequel / alternate history featuring the Star Trek cast before they were the Star Trek cast.  This time, they’re taking the original Enterprise out on a grand tour to destroy an enemy that’s far more fearsome than anything they’ve taken on yet.  This isn’t hard because, technically, it’ll be their first enemy.  Technically.

See, this sucker is going to fracture the canon six ways from Sunday and it’s going to have the single best explanation ever.  While I was watching it, I gave a small cluck of disapproval and thought, they shouldn’t have called this Star Trek.  They should’ve given it some fig leaf to differentiate itself–Star Trek: Origins or Star Trek: Beginnings or some such.  But then, when I realized what they were doing–which I actually can’t tell you without spoilering–it made absolutely perfect sense.

I’ll tell you this much: this IS Star Trek.  Or…at the very least…A Star Trek.

Yeah.

This is why I love this movie so much.  Instead of just walking up and slapping established canon in the face and saying “Run along grandpa, this is OUR show now and this is how it all REALLY happened”, they actually created a perfect explanation for how they spawned their own Star Trek universe.  They could do sequels now, and I’d probably be there to watch, because they have made their own Star Trek out of it.  This IS Star Trek, and it coexists perfectly with the original.  In fact, it’s actually impossible to compare it to any other Star Trek installation because it is its own entity.

However, if you WERE to make that comparison, you’d find that this is the new best Star Trek movie ever.  Seriously, this beats First Contact, and for me, that’s saying a lot.  Why?  Because there’s everything here.  There’s space opera, ship battles, comedy, great performances (getting Simon Pegg to do Scotty was an absolute stroke of GENIUS) and the kind of great rip-roaring adventure that makes science fiction SCIENCE FICTION.

It’s. Just. THAT. GOOD.

It is an adrenaline rush unlike many movies I’ve seen recently.  I can’t remember the last time I left a theatre still buzzing fully an hour later.  I am STILL feeling my Trekkie, an hour later.  I may not sleep tonight.  I am writing this sucker at one in the morning Eastern Daylight Time and I am STILL feeling it.

I don’t issue wholesale blanket recommendations very often, but seriously, if you can stand science fiction even vaguely, and you want to see a really shining example of really shining science fiction, then go.  Boldly go, in fact.  Go out and see this.  It’s really too good to miss.

Popularity: 1% [?]