Screenhead

So chances are you’re still coming down from the adrenaline high that was 2012, and you’re wondering what could ever make your heart race so again.  Well, I’ve got a sweet chunk of news here that will at least boggle your mind if not necessarily get your adrenaline firing.

Roland Emmerich is making noises that say that he’s looking to take 2012 to the small screen…to do 2013.

It’s not exactly a huge spoiler to let you know that, in fact, some people did survive the massive apocalypse that was 2012, and as such, Emmerich’s plan is to put these people into a series about the adventures of refounding the world.

Actually, this isn’t a terrible idea.  I personally hope for an episode where some of the actual survivors of, say, America, who couldn’t buy their way out, come back, find that asshole Anheiser who figured that four hundred thousand was good enough, and show him in excruciating detail the error of his ways.

But since this would probably be on basic cable, if not network outright, such things will likely not happen.  The idea, however, is fun enough if a little on the weird side.

There are times when you watch a movie that it feels like it was handled by somebody in particular.  Most George Romero or Steven Spielberg or even Michael Bay movies have that certain feel about them, and you can tell, even as you watch them, that this movie was handled by that person.

2012 feels EXACTLY like a Roland Emmerich movie because, let’s face it, we’ve all been here before.  It’s just gotten a LOT bigger since the last time.

This time, as it turns out, the Mayan calendar that’s gotten so much press over the last few months or so was exactly right and the end of the world as we know it starts up on December 21, 2012.  And for a writer and father, who’s been somewhat estranged from his family of late, the whole world will quite literally never be the same again.

If you saw The Day After Tomorrow, ironically, you’ll have about a thirty percent head start into 2012 because it’s almost the EXACT SAME MOVIE.  Both will feature scientists who catch on to things way ahead of the rest of the curve, but no one will believe them for a while until it’s almost too late, then there will be a whole lot of horrendous things happening that are far, far, more outlandish than anybody’s worst case scenarios.  Sprinkle in some bad science, top it off with some schmaltzy family drama, and boom!  You’ve got yet another half baked Roland Emmerich disaster movie that will probably make its shooting budget back if for no other reason that people LOVE to see stuff go boom.

Idiocracy fans, take note–at this rate Ass will be in theaters summer 2015.

Seriously though, this isn’t really a BAD movie.  It’s a bit overlong, sure, and don’t even try to find this movie’s science on a map because it just plain old DON’T EXIST, and don’t even get me started on Roland’s big middle finger to greedheads everywhere who think they can buy their way out of disaster.

But there is plenty going on here.  You’re almost certain to be entertained.  Even I was entertained.  There’s no long term value in a movie like this, but for a pleasant way to kill off two and a half hours with explosions and drama and a number of car jumps so large as to make Bo and Luke themselves have car envy (the first time I saw John Cusack JUMP A LIMO all I could think was “Well sir, right about then the Duke boys knew they was in a heap o’ trouble”.  Try it; it’s fun!), there’s not much better.  And by the way–it’s AWESOME that Woody Harrelson’s in this.  I’ve got a whole new respect for this man.

The Screenhead Ten Scale, meanwhile, shakes its head with a sardonic grin and hands this low-brow disaster epic a six out of ten for its sheer fun factor, even if its plot is a load of steaming garbage that’s about a third of a ripoff and its science so lousy even a fourth grader could knock it into a cocked hat.

Opening in theaters on November 13, 2009 stars John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover and Woody Harrelson. The epic adventure is about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the survivors.

“No matter what happens, we’ll all stay together.”

Even though 2012 would have been ready by July 10, 2009, Sony has decided to push the release date to November 13, 2009.

We’ll just have to wait to see how Roland Emmerich envisions the world to end. 

Reported by Variety, Sony senses that the studio has a very strong summer slate with to potential blockbusters: Angels and Demons(May 15) and Denzel Washington-John Travolta action movie The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (June 12).  Thus, the studio moved 2012 to November.

Isaac Asimov “Foundation” film rights have been purchased by Columbia as a directing vehicle for Roland Emmerich who just completed 2012.

The series of eight short stories was first published in Astounding Magazine beginning in 1942.  ”Foundation” is a complex narrative about humans who are scattered on planets throughout the galaxy and live under the rule of the Galactic Empire.

A psycho-historian who can scientifically read the future sees an imminent empire collapse, and sets to work preparing to save the knowledge of mankind.

Trade is a movie motivated by Peter Landesman’s article in The New York Times Magazine, “Sex Slaves on Main Street.”  The film investigates the international sex trade which entangles over 800,000 people a year.

The film starts with Adriana, a 13 year old girl from Mexico City, whose kidnap by sex traffickers triggers her brother Jorge to start on a desperate attempt to save her.

Kevin Kline stars as a friendly policeman who aids Jorge in his hunt. Interestingly the film is produced by Roland Emmerich of Independence Day fame and directed by fellow German, Marco Kreuzpaintner. 

I had to share this is awesome 2012 Teaser Trailer, waves coming over the Himalayas.  “The end of the world…” Roland Emmerich’s style. He’s gathering a large group of people to tell the tale of the end of the Mayan calendar.  I’ve marked my calendar for the release date — July 10, 2009.  

The Hollywood Reporter successfully does its job and reports that The Visitor writer/director Thomas McCarthy has landed a role in Rolan Emmerich’s upcoming apocalyptic movie 2012. He will play the new boyfriend of Amanda Peet’s character – the ex-wife of the lead character played by John Cusack.

The film will begin shooting this August in Vancouver. Thandie Newtown, Danny Glover and Oliver Platt are also set to star. McCarthy is also working on a new script that he hopes to direct.

In related news, the script for the film was recently reviewed by the guys at Latino Reviews, and it ain’t pretty.

An in-depth, spoiler-filled review of the storyline for Roland Emmerich’s $200 million 2012 project has been posted on Latino Review, the site that magically gets access to scripts of major upcoming films. The review reveals that the disaster movie will focus on severe storms on the surface of the Sun that has a grave effect on Earth, causing earthquakes, tsunamis, dust clouds and whatnot.

The reviewer is not kind, however, as he notes that the film is full of clichés, one-dimensional characters and “heavy handed attempts at emotion and morals” that it “borders on self-parody”. I don’t know if it’s too late for a rewrite, but the film certainly needs one it seems.