The one thing I really love about short films is their openness. Anybody can come along and shoot one of these on a shoestring in their backyard. And today, we’re going to prove that exactly right with Dearest Mrs. Apple.
This is the story of a man, his unusual friendship, and the circumstances that led to its end. I know, sounds kind of like some cheesy chick flick or something, but I assure you, someone will get eaten by the end of this.
Yeah. EATEN.
Dearest Mrs. Apple is actually pretty funny because of its ludicrous nature and its outlandish concept. This is almost too stupid to be believed, but it will carry on anyway, despite the fact that it really has no business existing.
The Screenhead Ten Scale loves a quick cheap laugh, and thus hands Dearest Mrs. Apple a six out of ten for bringing the funny in short film.
So I found another interesting short on YouTube to take a run at, and it’s the hardest sort of film to discuss–the movie that’s so confusing that it’s downright scary.
It’s actually hard to give you a plot synopsis without spoilering, mostly because this film is only about two and a half minutes long. But suffice it to say, anyone with a fear of clowns need not apply. And anyone who’s not fond of unusual dinner choices should also stay waaaaaay far away from this.
It’s pretty awesome, in one sense–a lot of really creepy stuff is going to happen here, but the only real problem with it is that not much of it will make sense. It’s pretty scary in that regard, because nothing here will exactly be expected, but at the same time, it’s SO far off kilter that it’s kind of tough to follow, and any coherence in the plot is just SHOT.
The Screenhead Ten Scale gives a quizzical look at the whole thing, shrugs, gives a hearty meh and hands A Kid At Heart a six out of ten. It’s scary, sure, but it’s also really, REALLY, confusing.
There’s always something interesting to watch on YouTube–all you have to do is find it. And today, I’m going to try to help you in that regard by offering up a new review target: the short film Murderers Don’t Ring Doorbells.
It features a young man walking home from a football game (or at least I think that’s the case, they weren’t very clear on that point) when suddenly he’s beset upon by a guy in a Michael Myers mask. Yes, I know it’s a William Shatner mask, but let’s face it, Michael made it his own.
Anyway, the rest of the night for our young man will involve, mostly, running from killers.
I have to admit, I laughed at more than one point in here, but the whole thing suffers from unclear scripting and a huge muddle in every direction. I barely understood what was going on half the time because it just plain old wasn’t very clear what they were trying to do.
The Screenhead Ten Scale, meanwhile, rewards effort and a few good laughs by issuing this unclear slush of a short film a four out of ten. The next one will, hopefully, prove better.
There’s a short film on YouTube–in retrospect it never should have been this big of a surprise–called The Horribly Slow Murderer With The Extremely Inefficient Weapon.
And as Jack Cucchiaio finds himself running from his life from the poorly armed maniac, he finds himself in a race against time–an extremely slow race, granted, but a race nonetheless!–to find out the truth behind this killer before the killer can finish his deadly, extremely long term, project.
I about laughed myself stupid watching this. Seriously–these are guys who know their horror movies, because they’re frantically mocking virtually every convention ever involved in a horror movie. Watching this horribly slow murder go down was just hilarious. And yet at the same time, a little creepy. They really knew what they were doing, and so I recommend it openly. The movie itself actually drags on, much like the killing itself.
So does the Screenhead Ten Scale, which knows a laugh when it sees it. Short film or no, this is hilarious stuff and absolutely deserves its eight out of ten.
You know, I’ve seen PLENTY of horror movies focusing on elevators. Black Out, The Shaft, there was even a lot of elevator action figuring into the old Dario Argento title Demons 2. The thought of being stuck in an elevator or falling down an elevator shaft fills more than a few people with cold dread. So it’s not too much of a surprise to see Hellevator, a movie that tries to play on that cold dread.
This time, it’s about what it sounds like–an elevator that goes straight to hell itself. And for one young man, it’s going to be the ride of his afterlife.
It’s an interesting idea, and they did manage to get some clever action movie dialogue in there–for a short film, this is an especially decent idea. The big problem with it, though, is that only occasionally are snippets of dialogue so loud as to be heard. I had my speakers up nice, and the YouTube volume itself on full–which blasts a video I found of Rehab’s Sitting At A Bar just fine.
But aside from that, Hellevator is a nifty concept poorly executed, so you know what the Screenhead Ten Scale’s got in mind: a five out of ten.
You’ve got to hand it to a movie like Sat Nav for putting out one of the strangest concepts I’ve seen lately. But can they follow through? Read on.
What Sat Nav is about is, pretty much, a satellite navigation system. But it’s a badly flawed system–so badly flawed it’s actually evil.And when the evil sat nav sends a group of Halloween party-seekers on their way to a Halloween party at a place they’ve never been before, well, you know all hell’s going to break loose.
On the one hand, yes, it’s a great idea and there are plenty of creepy scenes. But on the other hand, there are plenty of scenes where you can’t see anything because, once again, they’ve filmed at night and they don’t really know how to do it so you can actually see stuff. That and there’s this horrendous sequence at the end that’s way too loud.
So the Screenhead Ten Scale is left to split its decision for a movie that’s got plenty of good for all its bad and give a five out of ten. It’s a great idea, poorly executed.
I really hate to do this to this short film, but the problem is that Ghost Haunt has a SERIOUS problem with it that can’t be overlooked. More on that in a minute.
Basically, this short is all about a guy named Dorje who gets scared by a dragon mask early on in the film, and his buddies make fun of him for it. Dorje, who wants to prove his manhood, announces that he has Gurkha blood (which is actually a pretty big deal in the subcontinent) and will prove his badass blood by any means necessary. Thus, he’s dispatched to a haunted park to hammer a nail and record the evidence on his camera. What he finds in the park, however, is definitely not what he sees coming.
Ghost Haunt is actually pretty fair, if a bit–okay, a LOT–derivative of other movies just like it, but the problem is that whoever ran this movie has not clue one of how to shoot at night. Thus, we’re left with long black stretches of footage in which all you can see is a flashlight bobbing around.
I love that this is actual, honest to goodness foreign film, but for crying out loud, I want to be able to SEE it.
Thus, due to massive technical errors, Ghost Haunt can only scare up a three out of ten on the Screenhead Ten Scale.
So I’ve stumbled onto a big batch of a minor league movement in short film making–a strange kind of psuedo-machinima involving characters from The Sims in short film settings, and today we’ve got The Punishment up for review.
Basically, a bunch of children that look like they were pulled whole and breathing out of Village of the Damned go forth and set fire to things, and people, with their minds. But what happens to these “demon spawn” is more horrible than you can imagine.
Actually, it’s not so much horrible as it is hilarious.
In all honesty though, for a quick two minute shot of movie, it won’t be half bad. It’ll actually be pretty entertaining. Oh, sure, I have no idea where these children came from or how they got to be pyrokinetics, or anything like that, but I know what happened to them in the end and I know it’s pretty funny.
The Screenhead Ten Scale stifles its laughter long enough to hand over a six out of ten for this slightly better than average low budget romp.
We’ve seen lots of underground horror around here–and I mean that literally. We’ve had church basements and cellars and everything else, so it shouldn’t really surprise anyone that today we’re going to the basement!
And for a young man, alone in the house playing Xbox Live after discovering his mother has gone to the store and left him with the simple task of bringing up a roll of Bounty from the basement, that basement is going to be a lot more dangerous than he imagines.
Basically, Basement is one long, rolling fight scene that will take place all over the house. It’s not too bad, as long as you like your horror with a lot of action in it.
Sure, the plot is simplistic, and the action is a bit overdone and there are some serious problems with continuity and engineering (the video will regularly stutter for some reason, the main character runs pretty well on his stabbed leg before remembering his leg was stabbed, and for some reason, the main character will hit his pursuer with the narrow end of a baseball bat.), but otherwise, this sucker’s not half bad.
Frankly, I have seen vastly worse.
The Screenhead Ten Scale, meanwhile, gives a nod of respect to two young up and coming filmmaker types and hopes to spur them on by giving them a better than average six out of ten. Not bad, guys. Next time, something with a bit more PLOT, okay?
Sometimes the best–or at least most passable–movies can come from total amateurs. Such will be the case with The Wardrobe Nightmare, an online short film that takes one of the oldest tropes EVER and plays with it a bit.
A young man comes home from being out doing stuff and gets the surprising request to check the wardrobe in the house. A wardrobe is like a closet but built into a small box and set out in the room. He doesn’t find anything in it…but what he doesn’t see will be the death of him.
It’s not bad, this…it’s nothing great, sure, but it’s nothing bad. We’re all familiar with the whole “thing in the closet” concept, so why not take a run at it?
The Screenhead Ten Scale gives this mild and inoffensive horror run a fair-enough five out of ten. Nothing special here, but you won’t regret your two minutes.