Screenhead

I admit, freely, that most of the reason that I enjoy the Saw series is because of the traps.  I’ve always been a sucker for amateur mechanical engineering, and watching everyday people build machines, whether they be for mowing the lawn or for dealing horrible pain and disfigurement to intruders, just makes me smile.

This is also why I enjoy the Home Alone series.

But I digress.

I finally managed to watch The Collector today, despite the fact that it’s in somewhat limited release, much to my sorrow.  And what I found was plenty of amateur mechanical engineering…almost too much.  More on that directly; but first, the plot!

In a desperate bid to pay off his wife’s loan sharks,  a burglar turned contractor turns back to burglary and targets a recent client, a jeweler.  But when he gets there and starts breaking into the safe containing a ruby the size of a human fist, he discovers that he’s not the only intruder.  But the other fella, he’s not out to take stuff…he’s out to take PEOPLE.  And, of course, messily and painfully dispatch anyone he DOESN’T want as part of his sadistic collection.  Now, the thief will have to turn hero in a bid to save the family he barely knows.

Like the title says above, you’re going to have to have a strong stomach if you want to see this one.  Most of the time, people don’t like to think about what an ordinary man can do with a pair of pliers if he’s sufficiently motivated.  The Collector will force you to consider that.  The Collector will ALSO force you to consider what that same man can do with rope and nails and screws and fish hooks and pretty much anything you can buy at Menard’s.  Except, of course, for the bear traps.  It’s criminally irresponsible to sell ANYONE half a dozen bear traps in this day and age.  I mean, seriously–didn’t this raise a red flag at the store?

And while I’m here, remember when I said it was almost too much amateur mechanical engineering?  It’s true.  I watched the thief stumble through a house where traps seemingly appeared by magic.  Windows that I hadn’t noticed were boarded up were suddenly, well, boarded up.  Extra locks requiring barrel keys sprouted on doors where there were none before.  I don’t know if I missed something or there was just a huge time lag, but narratively speaking, I don’t know where all this stuff came from.  It just shows up.

It’s hard to assign a ranking to a movie like this.  Clearly, this is for horror buffs only, and even they’re probably getting a little tired of seeing people tied to things and being cut open with little or no way to fight back.    Thus, the Screenhead Ten Scale issues it a five out of ten for being a movie with niche appeal only, and even that beginning to weaken.

Popularity: unranked [?]

You might want to strap yourselves in for this one, folks, cause we’re gonna get more meta than Franz Kafka at a Scientology party.

I was digging around on Newgrounds, looking for something interesting to talk about when I was tricked–TRICKED, I say!–into clicking the link for Renegade Awesome Episode One. Now, with a title like that, maybe you’re expecting something involving bulked-out steroid cases with huge guns blasting monsters, but no.  What you GET is the Renegade Awesome Movie and Game Review Show, as presented by your host, basement dweller par excellence Renegade Awesome.

That’s literal, by the way–he really IS broadcasting out of his parents’ basement, on a webcam.  And just as he’s about to launch into one of the lousiest reviews of Ghostbusters that I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading (or having read to me, in this case), something really interesting happens.  I’ll leave it to you to discover just what that is.

I liked Renegade Awesome Episode one, and not just because I happen to be a fully functional film and game critic myself.  We take a lot of flack for basically being just basement dwellers with delusions of grandeur, and it’s pretty funny to see that stereotype played out in front of us.  And yet, at the same time, the next time you skip a bad movie because your critic of choice gave you advance warning about it, well, maybe you should think twice before thinking every critic is another Renegade Awesome.

Popularity: unranked [?]