I think Megan Fox looks like Gene Tierney in this promotional clip for SNL. The clip below has young Frank Sinatra singing “Laura”, the theme song from the movie of the same title. Laura is a wonderful movie starring Gene Tierney, which fans remember her the most. Other Tierney movies are shown in the clip as well. Tierney is just as beautiful, if not more, than Megan Fox.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Weak sauce, Movieline. Weak. SAUCE.
So the folks out at Movieline were trying to figure out why Jennifer’s Body turned out to be a stink bomb that audiences could actually smell coming, and they’ve got plenty of blame to go around. Lousy distro, lousy marketing–pretty much everything except a godawful and derivative script that heavily featured nonsense words.
And then they got to point five: the critics. Dig the spectacularly pretentious word:
5. The critics. Horror and teen comedy are two genres proven time and again to be invulnerable to reviewers (when they’re even screened for reviewers). Put them together, though — especially in a semi-satirical fashion that turns the first genre’s sex-and-death conventions on their heads — and you get a whole lot of dickheads sniping that Body didn’t do enough to adhere to convention. “Jennifer’s Body falls into the dispiriting category of dumb movies made by smart people, in this case a glibly clever writer and a talented director who think a few wisecracks are enough to subvert the teen horror genre,” wrote the Boston Globe’s Ty Burr. Sigh.
First off, what drove you to actually WRITE “sigh” in there as if you were so deeply stricken with the ennui of the whole mess that you were about to collapse in a graceful heap on your fainting couch? Oh, Little Lord Fauntleroy can’t hang because we’re trashing his favorite movie so he’s just overwrought!
Man up or hang it up, jackass. And you want to call me a dickhead? Fine. I reserve the right to call you jackass. Of course, considering that this was written by one S.T. Vanairsdale, there’s no way to know whether I’m using the right gender or not, so we’re using the ROYAL he just in case.
Granted, S.T. did call a lot of the problems. This really should’ve taken advantage of Halloween instead of gunning for last-gasp on summer. But don’t blame the critics. That’s just low. We didn’t like it. We thought it sucked. I got sick of this derivative knockoff spewing gibberish every few minutes.
Critics didn’t kill it. They just wrote the obituary.
Popularity: 1% [?]
By now you’re looking at that headline and wondering if I’ve a. had some kind of massive stroke while writing this or b. am really feeling my Star Control 2. The answer to that is actually a lot more b than a, but it’s actually really appropriate because today, I’m talking about Diablo Cody’s foray into writing horror, Jennifer’s Body.
We’ve all been hearing about this one for months on end, the endless will-she-won’t-she that is a naked Megan Fox (she won’t) and the equally endless problems with the script (there were many), so it was actually a relief to finally be able to plunk down my money and see how it played out. The answer: it was not the train wreck I expected, but rather a wreck of a whole different sort.
The plotline is fairly horror movie standard–a high school girl finds herself possessed by a demon who in turn drives her to feed on human blood and gives her incredible powers in exchange for doing so. Her relatively mousy friend (who I actually thought was pretty hot herself) must stand in the gap and stop her friend from turning the male population of the local high school into a wandering buffet.
I found myself wondering, throughout most of the movie, if English is actually Diablo Cody’s first language, because at any given time, parts of the movie are utterly incomprehensible. This is where the headline kicks in–in the old PC game Star Control 2, there’s a race of pandimensional beings called the Orz. The Orz language is so bizarre that it can only be partially translated by computer, and the rest is packaged into a series of “best-fits”, or words that closely approximate whatever the hell it is the Orz are talking about. They’re denoted by asterisks as seen above. So while you’re talking to an Orz, they might well lapse off into talking about *silly* *campers* who are always *jumping in front*. But the last time anyone made an Orz *frumple* they got shot at, so that’s not a word you want to hear.
This is the big problem with Jennifer’s Body as Diablo Cody’s script will frequently lapse into nonsense words that require explanation or subtitles, and still make no sense. For instance, Jennifer refers to attractive men as *salty* *morsels*, which won’t be explained, and even then in rudimentary terms, until much later in the film. The movie is literally scattered with lines that furrowed my brow in bafflement. What the hell is she even talking about? And considering that both Megan Fox AND director Karyn Kusama shared my frustration at this, it’s not just me, folks.
Yes, yes, I know “teenagers have their own language” and slang words and all that nonsense, but this is NOT Heathers. This is a horror flick. Nonsense words need not apply and haven’t applied yet. In horror flicks, teenagers speak translatable, serviceable ENGLISH.
Meanwhile, the horror movie aspect of things is fairly well done if a little on the pedestrian side–we’ve seen pretty much all of this back in the nineties, folks, and Jennifer’s Body basically just feels like Scream repackaged with a succubus and Megan Fox.
I expected this to be a lot worse. And in the case of the dialogue it was indeed the worst case, but the rest of the movie managed to pull it together to at least manage to be a fairly well built retread of several older, better movies. This is Diablo Cody’s version of dress-up in which her little horror script puts on Mommy Scream’s shoes and Auntie Friday the 13th’s eyeliner and declares that it too is a big girl now.
The Screenhead Ten Scale won’t *frumple* but instead hands this *silly* *camper* of a film a fair-enough six out of ten. A rewrite in English would have fixed so many problems here.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Megan Fox shows it all in this film clip and I am not talking about her body. She tells it like it is and what audiences will see when Jennifer’s Body opens in a little less than two weeks, September 18th.
I am not much into horror films, but I can tell, if the movie is anything like this film clip, Jennifer’s Body will open to a massive audience and she will rule the box office.
Popularity: unranked [?]
Okay, this one is for the boys. You’ll love this featurette because if offers all the details about the characters in Jennifer’s Body. You’ll even meet the writer, Diablo Cody, who talks about how she really is excited to have Megan Fox in her movie. Amanda Seyfried is perfect as Needy Lesnicky, who is Jennifer’sbest friend. Lesnicky is so analytical and logical. Blah, blah, blah. Hello?! Are you paying attention to the featurette?!
I am sure that you do not care one iota about the horror movie. Once you see Megan Fox, your mind will go off to the land of milk and honey. You’ll be thinking about Megan Fox and well…need I say more.
Popularity: 1% [?]
You might be surprised–oh, who am I kidding? Chances are you’re going to be REALLY surprised–by who’s rumored to be slated to play Catwoman in the next installment of The Dark Knight series.
None other than Transformer vixen Megan Fox, that’s who.
Both the movie buff in me and the cynic in me say that this is a really, REALLY good idea that deserves a note of praise. Taking advantage of Megan Fox’s steadily climbing career from both the Transformers series and other stuff like her upcoming Jennifer’s Body is just a really good move. But it’s shaky at best–Fox all but laughed off the idea of playing Wonder Woman. Why would she go for a different DC property?
But then, I end up wondering why. Considering how well the other two installments of the Dark Knight series have done–for crying out loud, The Dark Knight managed to win a guy a posthumous Oscar, and that’s almost never done!–does it really matter who plays what at this point? Isn’t it a foregone conclusion that it’ll do well as long as any competent actor takes the available parts? Does the Batman series really NEED star power?
But this is all just sort of whistling in the dark anyway–star power never hurt anything–and it’s likely to GET star power whether it needs it or not.
Popularity: unranked [?]
Megan Fox is a looker, but this film is way out of this world.
Popularity: 1% [?]
So far Megan Fox has played mostly damsel-in-distress type roles, but all that is about to change when she becomes a demon and eats boys at the local high-school in Jennifer’s Body.
A couple of new grainy pictures from the film have popped up online courtesy of Empire and Film School Rejects. They show Fox and her co-star Amanda Seyfried in bloody dresses, looking quite disturbing.
Written by Diablo Cody, the film follows Fox, a mean cheerleader-type, possessed by a demon who starts eating boys at the school. She is to be saved by her best friend (played by Seyfried) who must first escape a correctional facility and go after Nikolai (Adam Brody) and his Satan-worshipping band who are responsible for the demonic transformation.
The film is set for release this Septemer.
Popularity: unranked [?]
I wanted to hate this movie. Believe me, I did. Going into this thing burned like acid on my soul. After the colossal cash-grab wreck that Michael Bay and company made out of the first one (Character development? Who cares? More explosions! Plot coherence? Who cares? Bigger explosions! Actually respecting the canon? Who cares? More AND bigger explosions!) I longed to tear this nightmare into quivering bloody stumps.
So why, oh why, did I enjoy the sequel?
Somehow, Michael Bay and company have defied the longest possible odds and made a sequel better than the original. Okay, it’s not like Bay had a tough act to follow–when you’re throwing more crap than a stadium men’s room on Chili Dog Friday, it’s not exactly hard to do better on your second go-round. But here it is, and it’s clear–this one is significantly better.
This time, things are looking up for the Witwickys–Sam’s off to college, his dad’s poised to turn his room into a home theatre, his mom is…well…she’s freaking out, badly, but that’s every mom’s right when the baby leaves the nest. Meanwhile, another scrap of the original Allspark cube has reared its ugly head, and this catapults the college-bound Sam back into the thick of an alien civil war. The U.S. military’s been working with the Autobots to root out and blast the Decepticons into their component bits and pieces. But the Decepticons aren’t alone this time around–they’ve got some support in the form of the Fallen, an enigmatic figure that will represent a whole lot of trouble for the Autobot forces.
The first thing you’ll notice is that there are a LOT more Autobots hanging around than there used to be. And a lot more Decepticons, too–Earth is becoming something of a tourist trap for giant shapeshifting robots. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing–it just gives us more room to blow stuff up and knock stuff down.
This is where Bay’s production really shines; they’ll blow stuff up and knock stuff down in really entertaining fashions, and they’ll do it with a kind of insane blind fury that’ll just make your jaw drop. This is like that episode of Mythbusters where Jamie got a hold of a Vulcan cannon and used it to shoot fish in a barrel. Only a lot more so. It’ll be all sorts of fun to watch this, and it’s very engaging even if it’s all really kind of simplistic. Further, there will be plenty of laughs here– Sam’s mother, played by Julie White, is a particular scene-stealer, and was easily responsible for some of the biggest laughs in the theatre. She got more than a few guffaws out of me too, and for a Michael Bay movie, that’s no small feat.
That’s not to say that this gets off scot-free. There’s still plenty of standard Michael Bay problems. Devastator is not some kind of giant turtle. He is a giant bipedal humanoid robot. I don’t even want to know what he was thinking bringing in Mudflap and Skids. These two are USELESS.
And in the biggest kick in the teeth EVER, he brought in the original voice of Soundwave, Frank Welker, to voice Soundwave. Frank Welker, for the kids at home, was the original voice of Megatron also, who for reasons that STILL escape me is being voiced by Hugo Weaving. There’s no reason Weaving should be involved. You have the ORIGINAL MEGATRON! USE HIM!
Who am I kidding? Michael Bay can’t understand human thoughts unless they’re written in letters thirty feet high and set on a fire that was started by a car exploding.
But the fact remains. This movie will do exactly what it sets out to do. It will knock stuff down and blow stuff up and Megan Fox will still be hot and there’s lots of things to laugh at and plenty of things to make your jaw drop. For two and a half hours, you will be entertained. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what we come to the movies for?
Popularity: 1% [?]
Yes, the robots are coming and Megan Fox talks about her career and future with the Transformers. I am sure that’s why you want to click on the magazine cover to read bits of the interview not because there are seven full body and three-quarter shots of her revealing her tatoos.
Popularity: 1% [?]