Screenhead

So it may well prove to be the weirdest idea ever, but World War II classic action figure and Marvel dud Sgt. Rock (who actually started getting published around the Vietnam War) is getting a movie.  But here’s the problem–it’s not set in either time period.

No, no Nazis or NVA for Sgt. Rock to kill mercilessly–Sgt. Rock will be set in the FUTURE, where he’ll likely be tackling aliens or robots or just alien robots.

Well, it’s not like anyone was really, you know, EXPECTING much out of this one.  I mean, come on.  it’s Sgt. Rock.  Who actually READS Sgt. Rock, anyway?  I asked a buddy of mine who’s a comic buff and he about laughed me out of the room. So I guess it really doesn’t make a difference if Sgt. Rock fights Nazis or NVA or Iraqis or even demons from hell because no one’s heard of the guy anyway and no one’s got any real expectations.

No word on release dates, but Joel Silver’s been trying to get this project going for the last twenty years, so you can probably expect it to show up about the same time hell freezes over.

I want to know in what universe a RAPPER thinks he can write horror movies.

Look, don’t get me wrong here, I actually enjoy Eminem’s work on a certain limited level–the guy’s got a gift for social satire–but to suggest that he can tackle a horror movie franchise is just going way too far.

Case in point, the comic book about to turn film franchise, Shady Talez.  Dig the word:

From the mind of international Pop-Star, multi-Grammy winner, and the top selling artist of 2009 Eminem, comes the new horror franchise Shady Talez, a fictional horror comic-book that literally sucks it’s reader into it’s very pages. Each horror story is a wink at an original classic such as Christine, Aliens, and The Lost Boys while Eminem puts his own dark spin on the genre playing multiple characters and introducing new stories to the new horror generation.

Yeah, I know, I’m pretty darn terrified by the whole matter too, and not because the movie themselves are scary.  They’ve basically announced a plan to rip off a whole bunch of big names (what did you think a “wink” was?) and slap some lipstick on this pig by connecting Eminem to it.

I’m very, very deeply saddened by all this, and only hope that it turns out better than it actually sounds.

Normally when I say “Rose McGowan was in a big hit”, you think maybe it was  a movie or TV show.  You might be thinking Charmed.  But as it turns out, it took on a whole new meaning on the set of Red Sonja–a literal one.

“I had wrist and elbow surgery and they took part of my elbow out. I had really bad nerve damage from doing stunts – I do a lot of my own stunts,” McGowan recently told Tarts. “I could no longer use my arm, but now I can hold a fork and drive so we’re working our way up. It’ll probably be another six months of rehab, but It’s the price you pay for being really limber and being able to do back flips!”

I just READ about that and it’s enough to make my arm hurt.  I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for her.  It’s especially strange, though, that technically shooting for Red Sonja isn’t slated to begin for a while yet, so how’d she get the injuries on set?  Pre-filming training?

We don’t know, but we’ll keep an eye out and let you know when the Red Sonja filming gets back in play.

So I was catching up on some news and what do I spot, but Warner Brothers has officially launched DC Entertainment, an arm of Warner designed as, from the press release: ” a new company founded to fully realize the power and value of the DC Comics brand and characters across all media and platforms”, or, in normal people-speak, to pump milk out of the cash cow that is the DC lineup like no freaking tomorrow.

And it hit me.  THAT’S why Disney bought Marvel.  We all know that Disney’s stock with the boys has been suffering for some time now.  Disney’s biggest market is girls: between the various princesses and the various tween hits like Hannah Montana, Disney pretty much owns the girl market.  Warner, meanwhile, with its stake in Cartoon Network is pretty much for the boys.  With Warner now poised to run Superman and Batman and all the rest like no tomorrow, Disney pretty much realized that if they didn’t do something they’d be left in Warner dust.  And what’s the direct antithesis of DC?

Marvel.

So now, in a big flash of open-mindedness, the whole move makes sense.  Now we just see how two titans with two titanic proxies do battle.  This should be good.

In a shocking turn of events, The LA Times reports that Samuel L. Jackson won’t be appearing as Nick Fury in future Marvel Studios features.

The actor, who made a cameo in Iron Man, disclosed that negotiations with Marvel had broken down.

“There was a huge kind of negotiation that broke down. I don’t know. Maybe I won’t be Nick Fury. Maybe somebody else will be Nick Fury or maybe Nick Fury won’t be in it. There seems to be an economic crisis in the Marvel Comics world so [they're saying to me], ‘We’re not making that deal.’”

Marvel would not comment on the story.

Marvel animated feature yet – HULK VS. Make way for the clash of Marvel’s mightiest heroes, as Bruce Banner’s alter-ego takes on fan favorites Wolverine and Thor in two epic, all new, action-packed animated films — Hulk Vs. Wolverine and Hulk Vs. Thor.

Grey’s Anatomy star Kevin McKidd has told IGN that he is still a contender for the lead role in Thor, the upcoming big-screen adaptation of the comic book superhero.

He notes that casting wise nothing has been determined yet, but that there has been a “lot of back and forth”. McKidd is apparently excited about the fact that Kenneth Branagh is onboard as director.

Marvel has set a tentative start date for the project: July 16, 2010.

Worried that the highly anticipated Avengers film will suck? Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man) shares your worries, too, telling MTV News that the filmmakers are actually working hard to make sure the film works well.

"If we don’t get it right it’s really, really going to suck,” he said. “It has to be the crowning blow of Marvel’s best and brightest because it’s the hardest thing to get right.”

He continued, adding that it will be tough to combine the radically different worlds of the superheroes in one movie universe. Iron Man was set in a rather realistic world where anything shown in the movie is not out of the realm of possibility; Thor’s universe will be fantasy-tinged and Hulk’s universe, while realistic, is more comic book-like.

Up until now, no writer had been associated with the upcoming Captain America film, but the project now has two writers – Christopher Markus and Stephen McFreely – who are in negotiations to pen the highly anticipated project.

The comic series follows the exploits of Steve Rogers who undergoes an experiment that makes him the perfect human. Coupled with an indestructible shield, Rogers takes on the mantle of Captain America and becomes a symbol of America’s involvement in World War 2 against the Nazis.

The film will follow his exploits through World War II and will place him in modern times with the upcoming Avengers film. It is due out in May 2011.

Marvel’s scientific heroes have seen much screentime so far, with the company’s magical realm left relatively unseen. That might change soon, as Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige revealed that a Dr. Strange movie is in the works and will be made once The Avengers is done.

"I’d say in the next year, year and a half, as we start putting together our film slate for 2012 and 2013, I would not be shocked if we saw Dr. Strange on those lists" he said.