Screenhead

For all of you out there who’ve wondered, debated, and otherwise obsessed over the idea of getting Jackie Chan and Jet Li together in the same movie, well, guess what, folks–this one’s for you. Especially if you ever wanted to watch the two of them fight, because they will, and it is awesome.

The Forbidden Kingdom brings together your two favorite martial arts action heroes in one handy package, but it also does more than that.  It’ll take a kung-fu movie buff and let him find one day, in a mystical pawn shop (for those of you who are already thinking Mogwai, NO, but don’t I wish?) , a STAFF.  But this is no ordinary staff…no sir.  This staff transports our martial arts buff back to what might well be Three Kingdoms-era China.  And when he gets there, he’s going to become part of a much greater war than he ever saw coming.  Now he’s going to have to use that staff to free–get this–the Monkey King.  And along the way, our kung-fu buff is going to learn something about himself, as is the standard for this sort of thing.

One, it’s absolutely SPECTACULAR to see Jackie Chan at least partially reprise one of his greatest roles ever as the Drunken Master.  He says he’s using Drunken Fist style,  but I’ll tell you this–the guy he plays fights better when he’s hammered, and that’s the modus operandi of the Drunken Master.

Two, while they’re plenty of spectacular action in this, there’s also plenty of great laughs.  Watching the Monkey King fight is just a riot, and Jackie Chan is, of course, one of the greatest action comics EVER.

There’s a lot to love here–you just got two points worth above–and there’s plenty more where those two came from.  Watching this is just downright amazing.  The immersion level is almost criminally high–it’s too good not to pay attention to.  The action, the comedy, the occasional drama…it’s just plain wonderful.

The Forbidden Kingdom may well be one of the best martial arts movies I’ve seen in quite some time, possibly ever.  Bringing together some of the greats in the industry like this is no small feat, and giving them a sweet storyline to work within is even better.  They’ll even manage to pack in a whole slew of surprises.  Frankly, watching Jackie Chan duke it out with Jet Li was easily the biggest one of the bunch, and the best part is, that’s only the beginning.  Pay careful attention to the dual roles–that’s a REALLY big one.

The effects are spectacular, riots of color and light shows for days, the music is tailor made, the performances are just spot-on and I really don’t believe that I can say enough about this movie.  It’s great fun and seemingly without flaw, at least without any flaw that I could spot.

At it’s root, The Forbidden Kingdom is just great martial-arts movie fun.  If you’ve enjoyed pretty much anything Jackie Chan or Jet Li have done, from Drunken Master to Wong Fei Hung, then you’re going to get as big a bang out of this as I did.  The Screenhead Ten Scale knows a good thing when it sees it, and hands out its first ever ten out of ten.  It’s just entirely too good to not.

I knew this was going to be fun when I got my hands on it.  I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be good, but I WAS pretty sure that it was going to be a laugh riot.  It was going to be so lousy that I couldn’t help but laugh myself stupid at it.  And indeed, I got what I expected.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is pretty much what it says on the box.  It’s the legend of Chun-Li, going back to her childhood and growing up as a concert pianist before becoming the global crime fighter we all know and love.  (Special note for those of you who’ve played the game and know this is almost totally a crock, I know, I hear your cries.) She’ll take on the nigh-mythical Shadoloo crime syndicate in a bid to free the people of Thailand from oppression, and also recover her father from his captivity in Shadoloo’s clutches.  She’ll run into several of the game’s biggest names, including M.Bison, Balrog and Vega.

And it’s pretty much as I expected for a variety of reasons:

One, I’m sorry, but this new Bison–Neal McDonough–is a complete tool alongside the sheer over-the-top glee of Raul Julia.  Julia KNEW the role was a complete joke and he played it like a comic martinet gone insane, like Gilbert and Sullivan in the depths of a crystal meth haze.  Meanwhile this Bison is trying to be some kind of lunatic badass, and it just doesn’t match up.  It especially doesn’t help that McDonough can’t quite manage to lose his original accent, and thus leaves M. Bison sounding more like M. McBison.  Sure, they’ll concoct some ludicrous backstory about how Bison was the son of Irish missionaries, and an even MORE ludicrous backstory about how he got his powers from evil spirits, but frankly, this is all essentially window dressing and neither makes sense nor feels right.

Two, the plot’s logic is like some kind of madman’s logic.  For instance, does anyone want to hazard a guess how the clearly Asian little girl that was Chun-Li turned into the clearly Caucasian Kristin Kruek in just a few short years?  Or how Balrog managed to look exactly the same despite the fact that about twenty years passed between the first time he saw Chun-Li and the NEXT time he saw her?  Or how M.Bison did, for that matter?  Why is the Bangkok Business Times’ website printed in English?  All these and many, many other questions will be part of your Street Fighter experience.

Three, the depth of the cliches in this movie is just astonishing.  Just purely astonishing.  Pat Morita is rolling in his grave right now (assuming he’s even dead, I’m not totally sure on that one) thinking of all the wax-on-wax-off style kung-fu drollery that’s involved in this.  For instance, one great scene involves Chun-Li training with a former criminal named Gen, who informs her of such great kung-fu movie wisdom as “Anger does not guide”, “Believe in your true self”, and “You are only hurting yourself”.

And this is just the beginning.  Rest assured, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li will only get more aggressive in its sheer senseless lunacy.  The farther in you go the less sense it makes.  Some might enjoy this–I’m not one of them–and unless you do, chances are you’re not going to get much fun out of this one either.

As an action movie, it’s a terminal flop.  As a kung-fu movie, it simply restates all the old conclusions.  The phrase “thoroughly unwatchable” comes to mind, and with good reason.

The sadness of losing movie and TV star David Carradine was quickly swept away by a frenzy of conflicting stories and bizarre theories. Last week the actor, known recently for his titular role in Kill Bill, was found dead in his hotel room in Thailand during the filming of his new movie, Stretch. Almost instantly the reports said that it was suicide, claiming that the actor hung himself. Then, it was reported that Carradine died from a session of autoerotic asphyxiation that went horribly wrong.

Such a humiliating way to leave the world is bad enough, but this week saw an even stranger proclamation made. Carradine’s lawyer, Mark Geragos, is now claiming that it is possible that Carradine was actually murdered, and made to look like it was a failed sexual experiment. Who would do this? According to Geragos, Carradine was investigating the world of underground martial arts groups and one group of assassins may have committed the murder. It would be pretty strange for a 72 year old actor, famous for TV roles like the lead in Kung Fu, or in Tarantino’s two-part cult flick, to be attempting to infiltrate such an underworld, but the worst part is that this only further ignores the tragedy of the actor’s death, regardless of the circumstances.

The subgenre of kung fu action film has had a lot of strange variants over the years.  Whether it’s the historical fiction of Once Upon A Time In China or the mock-drunken antics of Jackie Chan in the various Drunken Masters, or even the strange Mystery Science Theatre-esque strangeness of Kung Pow: Enter The Fist.

But possibly even more bizarre than even Steve Oedekerk’s tongue-laden vision of kung fu is the anthropomorphic animal concept advanced by Kung Fu Panda.

Featuring Jack Black as a fat, lazy fanboy panda working in a noodle shop, Kung Fu Panda offers up the Valley of Peace in the midst of a problem.  Seems one of the greatest kung fu masters the valley has ever known has just broken out of the deep mountain prison he’s been stored in and he’s on his way back to the valley for revenge against one of the kung fu masters still living there—his original teacher.  Left with little option, as the master in question is still powerful, but aging and possibly no longer a match for the fearsome rogue master, the search begins for the legendary Dragon Warrior, a supreme kung fu master who will restore peace to the valley.  But the Dragon Warrior is, not surprisingly, not exactly who we expect it to be.

They sort of gave that particular chunk of the plot away in the title itself—it’s Kung Fu Panda, for crying out loud.  If the Panda doesn’t learn Kung Fu at some point the title really is sort of nonsense, now isn’t it?  But, okay—we’re not exactly here for that sort of thing.  Most of us are here to watch Jack Black do voice acting for a tubby lazy fanboy panda, because this is the kind of thing that Jack Black’s been playing all along, except not quite so hairy.

Seriously—if you stop and think about it there’s not much difference between the panda and Dewey Finn and JB from Tenacious D. Sure, the panda will never pick up a guitar, but kung fu is this panda’s guitar, and Black puts the same basic spirit behind the panda’s love as he did into his guitarist characters’ love.

Meanwhile, the plot itself is at least fairly entertaining, and for those who shy away from animated fare believing it “just for kids” are missing out on a pretty surprising treat.  If it weren’t for the animated animals, this might well have been a fairly solid kung fu picture.  Frankly, we don’t get a whole lot of those these days—the last one I remember was Kung Fu Hustle, and that was four years ago this April.

It’s nice to get some new kung fu that we don’t have to import; the subgenre is sorely underserved, and in this days of more-of-the-same you’d think more places would go back to the kung fu epic to get some fast cash.  The lack of titles lately is deeply surprising, but one thing is true.  Kung Fu Panda was not half bad, and definitely worth a couple hours to see.

The Weinstein Company and Genius Products add another explosive Kung Fu action film to its celebrated Dragon Dynasty label the Special Collector’s Edition of The Enforcer, one of Jet Li’s most acclaimed action films, kicks its way onto DVD shelves February 10^th. 

An honest Chinese agent is sent on an undercover mission to Hong Kong to infiltrate and take down a notorious crime ring.  When a fellow officer is taken hostage, the undercover scheme begins to fall apart and the battle becomes much more personal.  His family drawn in as targets, The Enforcer must exercise his power to stop the unrelenting criminals before it’s too late.  

A Hong Kong Film Award nominee for Best Action Choreography, The Enforcer stars action legend Jet Li (Forbidden Kingdom, The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor) and Anita Mui (Rumble in the Bronx), and is directed by acclaimed filmmaker Corey Yuen Kwai (The Transporter, DOA: Dead or Alive). 

Screenhead is sponsoring a giveaway of The Enforcer. Post your name and we will pick the winner Saturday, February 21, 2009.

Giveaway details below!

Some martial arts enthusiasts have touted The Heroes of the East as the martial arts film to own. 

The story is about a Chinese man who marries a Japanese woman through an arranged marriage. Somehow he manages to insult her Japanese martial arts family by issuing a challenge to her that is misunderstood by the them and repercussions ensue. The newlywed must prove his Chinese Kung Fu skills as a fighter through a series of duels with the seven Japanese martial artists who come to meet the challenge.

To be enter the giveaway, post your name and I will draw the winner Friday, September 6, 2008.  Good luck!

Even though Kung Fu legend Bruce Lee was a US-born star, he considered Hong Kong his adapted home where he had a two-story, 5699-square-foot town house in an upscale leafy Kowloon suburb.  Recently in the press talk of turning his former mansion into a museum has come to light with Billionaire philanthropist tycoon Yu Panglin. 

Turning the Lee’s former mansion into a Bruce Lee Museum would give belated recognition to one of the city’s most famous sons. Similar to other memorial sites to global stars, that includes the Beatles Story in Liverpool and Elvis Presley’s Graceland mansion in Tennessee.

Bruce Lee is known both by martial arts adherents and movie buffs the world over for popularizing the Kung Fu cinematic genre, and helping usher in a golden age of Hong Kong film in the late ’60s.