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Okay, I know the above requires an advanced degree in linguistics to parse out, but it’s true.  There is currently a rumor in play about the casting status for the upcoming sequel of the Friday the 13th remake.

Specifically, the role of Jason Voorhees, if the rumor is true, is to be passed on to former UFC champion Tim Sylvia, which is a change from the original actor, Derek Mears.

Naturally, Platinum Dunes has issued loud and vociferous denial at the very idea, stating:

‘”dont believe the rumor. We are NOT shooting F13 right now, and the only person i want to work with as JASON is Derek Mears.”‘

First off, riiiiight.  They’re not shooting a sequel to the remake that did at least passably well at the box office even if it was a total insult to the canon.  Second, I can believe they’d want to dump Mears in favor of someone who didn’t make Jason look like a carny on meth.

It’ll remain to be seen who comes back, but frankly, I think a cast change is likely.

The current word out of Lions Gate, ladies and gentlemen, is that the Saw series will actually manage to hit number eight.  And even better, the seventh iteration will be in 3-D.

I really don’t know what to think at this point.  I really, truly don’t.  After the misery that was Saw IV, I was convinced that the series was doomed to be a complete waste of time, fuelled by greed.  But then I saw Saw V, and I had something like new hope for the series.  There’s a strange sort of possibility mixed with sadness here–any installment could be great, or terrible, by lengths.

But considering that, if it continues on its present course, the Saw series will surpass Friday the 13th as the most prolific horror franchise known to man by the year 2015.  And yes, I AM counting Freddy Vs. Jason.

Does Saw have that kind of longevity?  Or will we learn, in the next couple of years, what Halloween is like without a Saw installment?

Remember how, just yesterday, I was describing Friday the 13th part five as one of if not the worst of the lot?  Well, here’s the interesting followup–we’re wrapping up our coverage of the Friday the 13th Deluxe Editions with Friday the 13th Part Six: Jason Lives Deluxe Edition.  And Jason Lives is probably one of the best in the series.  Truth be told?  This is where it starts getting GOOD.

Once again, we’re back with good old Tommy Jarvis, who’s looking to be the longest-running protagonist ever.  Tommy’s still the nutter he was last time, though not much is mentioned or even alluded to about what happened to him in part five.   Anyway, Tommy wants some closure on the whole thing, and he figures the best way to get it is to go find Jason’s grave, dig it up, and set the whole worm-riddled mess on FIRE.  For those of you starting to sputter, just hold on a second while I get through this.  Anyway, Tommy’s out to find Jason, and in so doing, accidentally brings him back to life, whereupon he makes a beeline for Crystal Lake, now called Forest Green, where he kills everything in sight.  Now Tommy, along with the local sheriff’s hot daughter, has to try and put Jason to bed once and for all (at least until the next sequel) before he exterminates the entire ZIP code.

It’s really for the best that we forget all ABOUT part five for a panoply of reasons, most of which have to do with the fact that parts five and six so blatantly and openly contradict themselves.  For instance, back in five they claimed Jason was dead.  Cremated, in fact.  He never even showed up in the movie…and yet, in six, there he is, sunk in the ground and badly worm-eaten.  Worse, you remember the ending in five?  Well, Tommy sure looks different now.  It’s like nothing ever happened!  See what I mean?  Loads of plot holes between the two, so just ignore part five completely.

Why, you ask?  Simple–because in every way, part six is vastly superior to part five.  There’s action in here, great horror effects, some downright comedy–the kids at camp positively steal the show sometimes–and just vastly more FUN than the previous installment could bring to bear.  This one’s just entirely too good to pass up.

It represents a start in a whole new direction–this really is the Friday the 13th series’ “New Beginning”.  Ignore part five; this one’s the real deal.

Oh, and a special note–this is the movie that will prove beyond any doubt that Damian Shannon, Mark Swift et al are complete bubbleheaded morons.  Watch this movie and THEN tell me Jason’s hydrophobic.  Assholes.

But all that aside, there’s one critical thing to remember here.  This movie is great fun.  There’s just no two ways about it.  In fact, it’s one of the–quite possibly the very–best in the series.  It has everything you need in a good horror flick and precious little you don’t.  Great for parties or just a night in, Friday the 13th Part Six: Jason Lives Deluxe Edition will be all the slasher joy you need in life.

And the movie that showed New Line / Paramount / et al to be a bunch of filthy liars is today’s pick, so strap yourselves in good and tight because we’re rolling right along with the Friday the 13th deluxe edition set, today featuring Friday the 13th Part V, A New Beginning.

Despite the fact that Jason bought it, and big time, in the previous installment by way of a machete and the entire left half of his head, somehow he’s managed to pull himself back into the land of the living.  But it’s apparently taken quite some time to do it as this installment features a fully grown up Tommy Jarvis, who must be at least six years older than the previous iteration.  And he’s been sent to the Pinehurst Youth Development Center, a place for troubled teenagers built, stupidly in retrospect, on the former grounds of Camp Crystal Lake (unless I’m gravely mistaken).    Naturally, a house full of kids is like a gigantic neon sign to Jason Voorhees–perhaps it reads “Target Rich Environment”, or maybe just “All You Can Kill Buffet”–so it doesn’t take very long before kids start turning into mutilated corpses.  Sometimes the corpses aren’t even Jason’s doing!

But anyway–newcomer Tommy’s got a pretty good idea why this is all going down, but not surprisingly, no one really believes him.  There’s even some reason to believe that Tommy himself might be behind it.  So now, the question remains–is Jason back?  Or has Tommy’s encounter with the lunatic mass murderer left him entirely too scarred?

Okay, sure–as slasher movies go, even as installments of Friday the 13th go, this is not the best installment.  They paint themselves into some really fantastic logical fallacies, like claiming that Jason Voorhees’ body was cremated after the fourth installment, which would pretty much make it impossible for Voorhees to come back.  And yet come back he will, for several more rounds.  Taking the focus off Jason is also a particularly faulty maneuver–for crying out loud, the guy MADE the franchise.  From two on, it’s been Jason at the helm of the killing.  To suggest that anyone else is involved is weak sauce, to say the least.  Plus, watching Tommy Jarvis fight is like watching an action movie.  How did he pick all this up?  He’s throwing around guys twice his size like it’s nothing at all!  Of  course, in the LAST one he was a ten year old fixing cars like it was nothing, so I guess he’s just a really superadvanced kind of guy.

However, there’s still plenty of action and horror-driven killing to be had here.  Those hoping for a bloodbath will not be disappointed.  But there’s a lot lost in this one–this new beginning really gets off on the wrong foot.  But that’s almost all right, as future installations will be just fine.  In fact, some of the best Friday the 13th action is yet to come, with parts six and eight through eleven waiting in the wings.   No, A New Beginning isn’t the best of the lot.  In fact, it’s probably among the worst of the lot–even though it’s not terrible, and definitely not unwatchable, but rather merely sub-par.  If you factor in the last ten minutes or so this sucker slides easily into quite possibly THE worst of the lot, because the ending actively hurts the viewer.

That’s really the best way to sum it up.  Friday the 13th Part V, A New Beginning is plenty watchable, with more than a few good thrills and lots of bloodsport and even a few good laughs along the way just for spice.  It’s definitely not the best the series has to offer, but it’s hardly bad.

So when I first heard about the Friday the 13th Deluxe Edition coming out, I have to admit I was more than a little skeptical of the whole thing.  Sure, I liked the Friday the 13th series just fine, especially the later episodes where Jason Voorhees is a mute, unstoppable juggernaut that only cares about chopping up kiddies even though, at this point, everyone he went to camp with the summer he died had been long since murdered or was otherwise dead.  He was basically now just killing for the thrill of it or something.  But seeing as how this is, unbelievably, the thirtieth anniversary of Friday the 13th, it’s fair to launch the re-releases.  And it’s doubly fair since the new movie’s getting its own video release soon.

But anyway, the Deluxe edition starts with—at least this is the earliest one I found—one of the biggest lies in modern filmmaking: Friday the 13th part 4, The Final Chapter.

Because as we all know, this was definitely anything but the final chapter.

This time around, Jason’s currently riding a morgue slab until, somehow, despite all logic and good common sense and completely ignoring the fact that he’d been hanging from a noose for probably around a couple hours by the time they cut him down, he’s brought back to life in a hospital morgue.  And when he gets up, he’s not hungry for a bucket of chicken or a keg of beer, no sir, not our Jason—he promptly goes on a killing spree, working his way back to Crystal Lake where he’s going to terminally separate from life everyone in the general vicinity.  But this time, Jason’s got a problem–namely, Corey Feldman.  Because as we all know, Corey Feldman is proof against virtually any horror monster ever, because who wants to spend more than twenty minutes on screen with Corey Feldman?

This may involve the biggest MacGuffin involved in killing Jason I’ve ever seen.  It was bad enough when, way back near the beginning, someone managed to convince Jason that she was his MOTHER by putting on his dead mom’s SWEATER, but this one just takes the taco.  Frankly, it just makes Jason look bad, and I’m always glad to see him come back for another try just to see if he can manage to make up for whatever idiocy did him in the last time.

Oh, sure, it’s not ALWAYS idiocy—I remember very fondly one such killing in which Jason took an outboard motor to the head, and not because someone dropped it on him, either.  It’s always somehow inspirational to watch this massive misshapen lump take damage on a positively epic scale and continue to come back for more.  He’s like a metaphor for life, Jason Voorhees, and that’s why I’m always ready for another foray with this guy.  An installation of Friday the 13th is a lot like pizza—even when it’s bad it’s still pretty good, and that’s absolutely the case here, but it’s not really that bad.  In fact, this is one of the better installments, thanks to some sweet makeup work by film legend Tom Savini and lots of the old hack-and-slash.  And the 3-D cover, alternate ending, deleted scenes and new sound options sure don’t hurt either.

As a final chapter, it wouldn’t have been half bad.  Frankly, though, I’m glad it carried on, elevating Jason from minor-league slasher to insane superhuman dreadnought.  He’s downright iconic, he is, and his adventures will live on well past their thirtieth birthday.

At least, I hope so.

Paula H (237) is the winner!! Congratulations!

Michael Bay, what have you DONE?

You’ve singlehandedly mangled THE longest running horror franchise on the face of the earth.   You’ve taken a series that was at least halfway decent and completely violated it.

You miserable son of a bitch, you’ve ruined Friday the 13th.

Why am I leveling such vitriol a man who’s basically on public record that he cares not a whit for what damage he does as long as he brings in the bank?  Easy.  I’ll lay it out for you, but first the plot.  Borrowing a handful of basic elements from the original, Jason Voorhees, a possible hydrocephalic with mental retardation and a set of severe deformities, drowned one summer at Camp Crystal Lake because the counselors were off smoking weed and having sex and doing all sorts of random teenager things.  Momma Voorhees handled it the best way she could think of, and no, not by tying the Camp and its resources up for years in court.  She went nuts with a machete.  Of course, she didn’t survive the attempt, and somehow, son Jason (who apparently had not drowned after all, don’t even ask) survived the drowning to take over for Momma Voorhees and go on a killing spree.  Which he did.  Repeatedly, and often, over the course of the next several years.

I don’t know where to begin.  I truly don’t.  In the beginning, I was actually feeling pretty good about things.  Okay, sure—the whole opening premise was a complete bungling of canon, but it was really more of a condensing than a wreckage.  It was at least livable.  But it didn’t take long for things to get much, much worse.  Like when Jason SET BEAR TRAPS.  Or when he killed that one chick in the sleeping bag by setting it on fire instead of slamming the bag repeatedly against a tree.  Or when he used the cries of a dying man for BAIT.

And don’t even get me started on the secret network of tunnels that he’s somehow either created or commandeered from the heretofore unknown Crystal Lake Tin Mining Consortium Worldwide.  Seriously, there’s a network of tunnels.  He’s shown moving through them in the woods.  And I really doubt that whole line about the tin mining consortium, too.

The biggest problem with Friday the 13th is that so little of it is actually explained.  I have no idea how Jason survived the drowning that led his mother to a killing spree so that he could take over.  I have no idea where the network of tunnels Jason used to get around the Crystal Lake area came from.  I have no idea why Jason suddenly runs like a track star despite the fact that EVERY MOVIE BEFORE this one shows him at best speed walking.  I have no idea why he’s suddenly become some kind of devious mastermind despite the fact that, in terms of mental candlepower, he should be having a tough time beating a German Shepherd at Scrabble.

This is not the Jason Voorhees we know.  This is not the unstoppable killing machine that depends on sheer brute strength and a preternatural ability to move silently for his killing.  This is some kind of baffling criminal mastermind who just happens to favor bladed weapons for his killing.  This isn’t Jason Voorhees–it’s a mute Hannibal Lecter with a skin condition who’s been outside WAY too long!

And in this, Michael Bay and company have performed an act of maximum disrespect on the Friday the 13th series.  Thus, I exhort you all, if you have ANY respect at ALL for the series, you MUST NOT see this movie.

Friday the 13th Giveaway – DVD Box Set of 8 Films

Screenhead has joined FEARnet in this horrific Friday the 13^th Giveaway package. The lucky winner will receive Friday the 13th: Ultimate Edition DVD Collection (all 8 original films), a FEARnet notebook, a FEARnet folder, Fearnet golf tees, and some Friday the 13th greeting cards.

Make sure you visit FEARnet and enter FEARnet’s Friday the 13th Summer Getaway Sweepstakes, where one winner will receive $5,000 towards a summer vacation. The deadline is March 31st. Go here to enter the Sweepstakes.

To win the DVD Set and FEARnet goodies, we ask that you post your name and Screenhead will pick the winner Thursday, April 2, 2009.

Following the success of the Friday the 13^th remake, New Line and Platinum Dunes are moving ahead with a sequel.

More of a follow-up rather than a direct sequel, an all new cast is expected with Jason Voorhees donning the hockey mask for the villain. Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, who penned the reboot, recently began work on the script.

The reboot used elements from the first four films in the original franchise; however, this film won’t be doing any such homage to the other four sequels in the original series.

Marcus Nispel might return to helm the film, though it is expected someone else will be hired for the job.

Jason had a great week with Friday the 13^th slicing at the top of the box office.  I love how the second, third and fourth places are fluctuating and changing each week with He’s Just Not That Into You, Taken and Coraline, respectively.