Screenhead

So there’s a little bittersweet news today, folks.  I’ve always had a fondness for boat movies, undersea movies and suchlike, and I definitely liked the whole Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea concept.  So when a remake of same was announced, I was somewhat happy about the whole thing.

At least until they told me McG was directing it.  And then I had a problem with the whole thing…but the irony is that I needn’t have a problem with it any more.

See, it seems that McG decided he wasn’t going to have anything more to do with the remake, and thus, he walked away.  And when he did that, Disney decided to shut down the whole program.

The big problem here, of course, is that McG is pretty much a tainted director now since the lesser performance of Terminator Salvation, and the fact that filming an underwater epic like Twenty Thousand Leages Under the Sea would necessarily have to be would cost money like no tomorrow in really lousy economic conditions and be only remotely guaranteed returns (it’s a known quantity but nothing’s been done with it in decades), they just didn’t have much choice.

So hopefully McG can find work again, but if nothing else, he probably made enough cash to not have to worry about work for a while.  Maybe he can go write a biopic or a chick flick or something, something really out of left field

This was a point advanced in Cinema Blend that I just about dropped my jaw when reading.  See, I had forgotten that, way back in the long long ago, the brothers Weinstein owned Miramax, but they sold it to Disney back when it was doing a lot better.  Now that Miramax is bleeding cash like a stuck piggy bank, are the Weinsteins plotting to buy the name off Disney’s hands?

There’s no doubt they’d get a bargain for it–with Miramax putting out just a handful of titles a year and generating precious little revenue for Disney, a cash infusion would probably be welcome there.  And if the Weinsteins want it–and it’s been suggested that they definitely DO want it–now would be the prime time to get it back for a song.

Does that mean they’d make it better?  Well, considering that it’s currently been hobbled and is only putting out slim numbers to begin with, chances are the Weinsteins would crank it to full production again, and considering some of the awesome pieces it’s come out with since they sold it to Disney, they might be able to get something good out of it again.

As tempted as I am to bust out “what is this I don’t even” in the description of my reaction to the news about the upcoming adaptation of Freaky Monday, I’m going to try and refrain from obscure references.  Because frankly, this thing’s obscure enough all by itself without me adding a further cloud of obfuscation on top of it.

So here’s the deal–most of us know Freaky Friday, that goofy Disney cruise where the mother and daughter briefly switch places in a bizarre astronomical phenomenon that is neither very well explained or makes much sense.  Anyway, the duo spend a while swapped until they gain some perspective on each others’ lives or some such–it’s not like I watched it–and now, they’re going to tackle the sequel.  It’s called Freaky Monday, and the swap is not between a mother and daughter, nor a father and son if you guessed that, but–and brace yourselves, because this is like the new gold standard for sheer WEIRD–a girl and her English teacher.

No, seriously.  And before you ask, no, I have no idea when it’s coming out yet, but when I do, so will you.

…Blake Clark.

I know, kind of disappointing, but one of the biggest questions surrounding Toy Story 3 was: “Who’s going to take over Slinky Dog since Jim Varney died?”  And that’s the answer–Clark is famous for showing up almost randomly in Adam Sandler movies, as well as for his own stand-up comedy career, so it’s not as though he’s a complete newcomer.

And in all honesty, Clark really does sound at least something like Jim Varney, so the massive shock will be reduced quite a bit.  In fact, it’ll almost sound like Varney himself is delivering all the lines, it’s just that the audio is a bit off.  These days, speakers in theaters are probably getting old and worn-out anyway with not a whole lot of profit left toward improving them, so you may be able to just chalk it up to lousy speakers and still be able to enjoy the movie.

But we’ll find out soon enough–Toy Story 3 will be front and center for summer movie season 2010.

Terrible news for Miramax fans–and for those of you wondering why I’m not talking more about Kuzuricon, well, you didn’t expect me to throw my whole package out in one day, did you?–as Disney announces a restructuring deal by which Miramax releases will be sorely curtailed.

They’ve only had four so far this year, and will put out just one more, the Robert De Niro comedy / drama Everybody’s Fine, before calling it quits for the year.

Miramax’s track record hasn’t been exactly what anyone would call top-flight, and most of their films have been box-office losers.  Considering parent company Disney’s down year, it’s not surprising that they’re looking to cut out anything that isn’t making money and making it hand over fist.  This is of course a blow to the entire film community, as Miramax has put out some interesting, risky stuff, and if studios like Disney continue to be paralyzed by risk phobia, we can all look forward to a pretty lousy 2010 movie season.

Well, that’s it for Dick Cook, the head of the filmmaking arm of the Walt Disney studios.  Apparently the massive amount of bank Cook brought in following such successes as the Pirates of the Caribbean series and National Treasure was scarce enough for Disney, who booted Cook to the curb in a “mutual decision” (yeah, as in “you’re going to agree to leave or we’re going to agree to throw you out”) following catastrophes resulting in losses like G-Force, Bedtime Stories and Confessions of a Shopaholic.

Oh, and an industry-wide downturn in DVD sales.

I think it’s a low blow, myself–you can’t blame Cook for the sales slump in the DVD sector.  And you can’t blame him for Bedtime Stories, either–an Adam Sandler comedy almost always cleans up.  Granted, the gerbil spy network and the bubbleheaded shopholic should’ve been avoided like the plague but anyone can drop a ball or two every so often.  That’s just human nature.

Hopefully Cook can find better work elsewhere.

Normally when I say “Rose McGowan was in a big hit”, you think maybe it was  a movie or TV show.  You might be thinking Charmed.  But as it turns out, it took on a whole new meaning on the set of Red Sonja–a literal one.

“I had wrist and elbow surgery and they took part of my elbow out. I had really bad nerve damage from doing stunts – I do a lot of my own stunts,” McGowan recently told Tarts. “I could no longer use my arm, but now I can hold a fork and drive so we’re working our way up. It’ll probably be another six months of rehab, but It’s the price you pay for being really limber and being able to do back flips!”

I just READ about that and it’s enough to make my arm hurt.  I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for her.  It’s especially strange, though, that technically shooting for Red Sonja isn’t slated to begin for a while yet, so how’d she get the injuries on set?  Pre-filming training?

We don’t know, but we’ll keep an eye out and let you know when the Red Sonja filming gets back in play.

So I was catching up on some news and what do I spot, but Warner Brothers has officially launched DC Entertainment, an arm of Warner designed as, from the press release: ” a new company founded to fully realize the power and value of the DC Comics brand and characters across all media and platforms”, or, in normal people-speak, to pump milk out of the cash cow that is the DC lineup like no freaking tomorrow.

And it hit me.  THAT’S why Disney bought Marvel.  We all know that Disney’s stock with the boys has been suffering for some time now.  Disney’s biggest market is girls: between the various princesses and the various tween hits like Hannah Montana, Disney pretty much owns the girl market.  Warner, meanwhile, with its stake in Cartoon Network is pretty much for the boys.  With Warner now poised to run Superman and Batman and all the rest like no tomorrow, Disney pretty much realized that if they didn’t do something they’d be left in Warner dust.  And what’s the direct antithesis of DC?

Marvel.

So now, in a big flash of open-mindedness, the whole move makes sense.  Now we just see how two titans with two titanic proxies do battle.  This should be good.

The Walt Disney Company bought Marvel Entertainment in a stock and cash business deal worth $4 billion.  What a change this will be for the Mouse House company and means Disney now owns more than 5,000 Marvel characters, including Thor, Fantastic-Four, Iron Man, Spider-Man, X-Men and Captain America. 

The business transaction needs to be sanctioned by the antitrust review and approved by Marvel shareholders, but the deal is as good as gold.

Does that mean in the future we’ll be visiting Disneyland and riding on an  Iron Man/Spider-Man cosmic amusement ride?