Screenhead

So chances are you’re still coming down from the adrenaline high that was 2012, and you’re wondering what could ever make your heart race so again.  Well, I’ve got a sweet chunk of news here that will at least boggle your mind if not necessarily get your adrenaline firing.

Roland Emmerich is making noises that say that he’s looking to take 2012 to the small screen…to do 2013.

It’s not exactly a huge spoiler to let you know that, in fact, some people did survive the massive apocalypse that was 2012, and as such, Emmerich’s plan is to put these people into a series about the adventures of refounding the world.

Actually, this isn’t a terrible idea.  I personally hope for an episode where some of the actual survivors of, say, America, who couldn’t buy their way out, come back, find that asshole Anheiser who figured that four hundred thousand was good enough, and show him in excruciating detail the error of his ways.

But since this would probably be on basic cable, if not network outright, such things will likely not happen.  The idea, however, is fun enough if a little on the weird side.

Ron Emmerich had the biggest opening day ever with his film 2012. 2012 outpaced A Christmas Carol by $18 million. It’s a phenomenal opening for a second week of holiday scheduled movies.  This is It is nowhere to be seen while emotional, tear-jerking film Precious came in fourth place.

Results:

1. 2012
$ 23.7

2. A Christmas Carol
$ 5.6

3. The Men Who Stare at Goats
$ 1.95

4. Precious
$ 1.92

5. The Fourth Kind
$ 1.8

There are times when you watch a movie that it feels like it was handled by somebody in particular.  Most George Romero or Steven Spielberg or even Michael Bay movies have that certain feel about them, and you can tell, even as you watch them, that this movie was handled by that person.

2012 feels EXACTLY like a Roland Emmerich movie because, let’s face it, we’ve all been here before.  It’s just gotten a LOT bigger since the last time.

This time, as it turns out, the Mayan calendar that’s gotten so much press over the last few months or so was exactly right and the end of the world as we know it starts up on December 21, 2012.  And for a writer and father, who’s been somewhat estranged from his family of late, the whole world will quite literally never be the same again.

If you saw The Day After Tomorrow, ironically, you’ll have about a thirty percent head start into 2012 because it’s almost the EXACT SAME MOVIE.  Both will feature scientists who catch on to things way ahead of the rest of the curve, but no one will believe them for a while until it’s almost too late, then there will be a whole lot of horrendous things happening that are far, far, more outlandish than anybody’s worst case scenarios.  Sprinkle in some bad science, top it off with some schmaltzy family drama, and boom!  You’ve got yet another half baked Roland Emmerich disaster movie that will probably make its shooting budget back if for no other reason that people LOVE to see stuff go boom.

Idiocracy fans, take note–at this rate Ass will be in theaters summer 2015.

Seriously though, this isn’t really a BAD movie.  It’s a bit overlong, sure, and don’t even try to find this movie’s science on a map because it just plain old DON’T EXIST, and don’t even get me started on Roland’s big middle finger to greedheads everywhere who think they can buy their way out of disaster.

But there is plenty going on here.  You’re almost certain to be entertained.  Even I was entertained.  There’s no long term value in a movie like this, but for a pleasant way to kill off two and a half hours with explosions and drama and a number of car jumps so large as to make Bo and Luke themselves have car envy (the first time I saw John Cusack JUMP A LIMO all I could think was “Well sir, right about then the Duke boys knew they was in a heap o’ trouble”.  Try it; it’s fun!), there’s not much better.  And by the way–it’s AWESOME that Woody Harrelson’s in this.  I’ve got a whole new respect for this man.

The Screenhead Ten Scale, meanwhile, shakes its head with a sardonic grin and hands this low-brow disaster epic a six out of ten for its sheer fun factor, even if its plot is a load of steaming garbage that’s about a third of a ripoff and its science so lousy even a fourth grader could knock it into a cocked hat.

Remember how, when I wrote about The Haunting of Winchester House, how GREAT I thought it was that The Asylum was finally getting out of the mockbuster trend and no longer Asylumizing movies?

Sadly, that’s all gone as The Asylum releases 2012 Supernova, which is pretty much taking on 2012.  The only problem is that, of course, The Asylum doesn’t have anywhere NEAR the cash required to make those kind of special effects.

The plot, though, is actually pretty interesting–two hundred years ago, a star exploded and launched an enormous wave of radiation.  Sadly, two hundred years ago was apparently during the War of 1812, because it’s about to hit in much-popularized 2012.  So now a group of scientists is out to launch a whole load of nukes into the upper atmosphere so they can augment the Earth’s natural anti-radiation shielding.

I’ll admit, though, that The Asylum clearly does the best it can with what it has to work with.  What baffles me, though, is that they try to take on this monster projects with the most minimalist budgets you can imagine.  It’s like trying to eat a Ho-Ho the size of a Buick, and doing it with a knife and fork.

The result, however, of trying to load a bunch of AA batteries in a space designed for a Diehard is that the whole thing has this vaguely repetitive feel in which a simulated disaster happens, then we react to that disaster, then another one happens, and so on and so forth without much in the way of an overarching plotline to hold it all together.

There will be plenty of thrills here–watching people try to escape from things blowing up and whatnot–but are these thrills going to be enough to hold the overall picture together?  Well, that’s your call, in the end.

The Screenhead Ten Scale, meanwhile,  isn’t so impressed and thus hands the newest Asylum knockoff a fair enough five out of ten.  it clearly tried, but it just couldn’t tackle what it set out to try.

I love the sound effects and music in 2012 movie trailer.  The sound is quiet and eerie with the rhythmic tone beating slowly. This is what Roland Emmerich envisions the ending of the world to look like based on the apocalyptic events that were predicted by the ancient Mayan calendar. It’s pretty awesome to watch, a no-brainier of the world imploding and exploding at the same time.  The movie opens November 13, 2009.

I always wanted to drive a car off an airplane. My adrenaline would go so high and I’d feel so fantastic.  It wouldn’t take much strength because I’d drive the car so fast, so as not worry if I’d careen all over the snow.  Wow!

Actually, this film clip from 2012 is pretty darn wacko and cool.  It looks so real with all those cars flipping off the airplane and airbags puffing up.  Go Cusack and friends!

The poster is okay.  I’ve seen enough posters of this movie to get the idea that the world is going to end come 2012.  Mayans are right and we should do something about it.  In the meantime, I am going to the movies!  2012 opens in November 2009.

Three detailed and glorious banners came out this week for Roland Emmerich’s end of the world, blockbuster movie. The banners show key landmarks of the world being destroyed by Mother Nature.

We have the Rio de Janeiro’s Christ the Redeemer statue, a very familiar icon, which is being shown here and at Empire online you can see the other two — USS John F. Kennedy about to wipe out the White House in Washington D.C. and Los Angeles on the verge of a total and complete wash out as the San Andreas Fault rips a gigantic seam down the whole freaking disaster. The movie stars John Cusack and opens Friday, November 13, 2009.  I hope you feel lucky that day.

(Source)

Opening in theaters on November 13, 2009 stars John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover and Woody Harrelson. The epic adventure is about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the survivors.

“No matter what happens, we’ll all stay together.”

Get your calendar out and start filling in the dates for the major studios release dates in 2009 as they finalize openings for the year.

Sony has pushed back the release of Roland Emmerich’s blockbuster 2012 from July 10 to November 13.

Guy Ritchie’s Robert Downey Jr.-Jude Law  highly-anticipated Sherlock Holmes has been pushed back about a month from November 13 to December 25.

Twilight sequel New Moon is set for November 20.  on that date.

Sony moved up the release of Hugh Grant-Sarah Jessica Parker romantic comedy Did You Hear About the Morgans? is set for December 18.

Nancy Meyers’ untitled comedy is set to open December 25.

Other movies planted for Christmas Day are The Princess and the Frog and Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel.

James Cameron’s action-adventure Avatar opens one week before Sherlock Holmes on December 18.

Universal moved the release of Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno from May 15 to July 10.

The Hangover will open June 5, one week earlier than its original release date of June 12.

Universal announced Wednesday that it is taking Emma Roberts  movie Wild Child out of its May 8 release date this year. No new release date was mentioned.

Of course, this is subject to change and not all the movies set to open in 2009 have been listed.

I had to share this is awesome 2012 Teaser Trailer, waves coming over the Himalayas.  “The end of the world…” Roland Emmerich’s style. He’s gathering a large group of people to tell the tale of the end of the Mayan calendar.  I’ve marked my calendar for the release date — July 10, 2009.