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I wanted to like Star-Ving.  Truly I did.  When I found it on Crackle, my jaw just dropped.   The  combination of David Faustino AND Corin Nemec?  This was Spider-Man and Wolverine in a crossover.  Two of my favorite childhood TV characters in one spectacular combination?  This was too good to  be true!  This was a dozen twenty year old Japanese girls bringing a twelve-pound Snickers bar  wrapped in thousand dollar bills to my house.

After seeing the first episode, my heart sank through the floor.  But then, the second episode  came along, and I was happy.  Truly, madly, deeply happy.  Life was good.  And then it got weird. Like really weird–you’ll see what I mean later.  Oh, and advance warning–not even VAGUELY safe for work.

Basically, Star-Ving is the story of David Faustino, whom you’ll remember as Bud Bundy from Married…With Children’s enormous run.  It’s also the story of David’s good friend Corin Nemec, who you might remember as Parker Lewis from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, my favorite show when I was
like eleven.  Anyway, after David’s agent screws the pooch on a catastrophic level, David is now  officially broke and trying desperately to reclaim money for things like food and keeping up the  rent on his miserable apartment that he shares with Corin. He also owns a porn shop left to him by a deranged fan.  This is, of course, a perfect storm.

The first episode, which I had a serious problem with, features a truly pathetic attempt at  getting cash out of Faustino’s former co-star, Ed O’Neill.  I love Ed O’Neill–he’s good in pretty much everything, and of course was great as Al Bundy.  I sorrow to think that, everywhere he goes, everyone probably calls him Al Bundy because they can’t remember anything else he was  in.  But it was just, ultimately, TOO pathetic to really enjoy.

The second episode pits David against Gilbert Gottfried’s retarded thirty four year old son Sparky as David attempts to babysit.  It ends poorly, but is still surprisingly funny in that  really uncomfortable way that throughly un-PC humor can.

Episode three features uncomfortable nigh-racist comedy, repeated beatings, and David Faustino nude or semi-nude through much of the episode.

Episode four will feature the single greatest twist of all time–is it possible for
anyone else to play Bud Bundy?  We’ll find out here.

Episode five is downright creepy.  You’ve never seen Ron Jeremy in this disturbing a role.  Every  time I laughed, I felt vaguely uncomfortable.  And once again, you’ll get to wonder, how many  times can we see David Faustino naked?  The answer?  Many.

Episode six features Jar Jar Binks.  This is only the beginning of the disturbing.  Okay, so it’s  only Ahmed Best, but still–it only gets weirder as David’s television comeback is destroyed by just one drink.

Episode seven shows just how far hungry and not terribly bright men will go when they’re as desperate as two former actors.  And boy, will they ever go a long way.

Episode eight is ripped from the headlines as David pulls an O.J. to recover some old memorabilia–but an unexpected complication springs up and puts a kibosh on the robbery.

Episode nine shows what kind of bizarre things can happen when two incompetent former actors kidnap Alan Thicke.

Episode ten proves two critical facts—David Faustino desperately needs therapy of one kind or another, and glue makes surprisingly good amateur dental care!  ….or not.  Oh, and Ed Asner makes a really lousy therapist.  To top it all off, you’ll never guess who the biggest talk show host in the Middle East is!

Episode eleven features David on steroids.  You can imagine the kind of roid rage this angry little man will get in on.

Filled with disturbing himor that’ll make you vaguely uncomfortable every time you laugh, Star-Ving is the kind of online video you’ll love to laugh at, but hate yourself for laughing at right afterward.  Keep an eye on this one–new episodes every Friday!  It’s great fun.

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