Screenhead

Oh man, I’m really excited about this one.  Truly I am.  Because not only is it the first Dark Castle horror release we’ve had in quite some while (I’m having a tough time remembering the last one…was it The Messengers?  I’m not sure offhand.), and I loves me some Dark Castle about the same way that Harold and Kumar love their White Castle, only more often.

But not only is this a sweet Dark Castle release, it’s also a sweet suspense – thriller in general.  Let’s plunge right on in and tell you why this is a cool shot of thriller joy on a hot summer day.

As you’ve probably figured out from the trailers and advance stories and such, this is one of those great “creepy children” sort of suspense movies.  Esther is a sweet little nine year old who favors old-fashioned dresses and painting.  And she’s a gifted little artist, too–looking at some of her work, which looks a little on the surrealist side, speaks to a talent much greater than a nine year old really should have.  And so, it’s not much of a surprise when Esther finds herself adopted by a family that not only recently lost a child in stillbirth, but also has plenty more skeletons in its closet.  And so, the family brings home Esther, who quickly infiltrates the family structure, causes loads of discord and even a few murders.  But can the family survive Esther?  And does she really want a family…or her OWN family?

I have to admit that I spent a LOT of time in Orphan being badly freaked out.  Frankly, watching a nine year old perpetrate a hammer killing isn’t exactly the kind of thing you want to see just before you go to bed, but still, we’re talking about some SERIOUS issues here.   This is part and parcel of the whole thing–the audience is supposed to be, and probably will be, just about as terrified of what this little girl will do next as everyone in the movie is.

Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for what Esther’s paintings REALLY look like.  That may well have been the most unsettling moment of not only the movie, but any other movie recently released.

Where Orphan really shines is in its sheer bulk of didn’t-see-that-coming moments.  It surprises you. It shocks you.  Let’s be honest here, folks, it SCARES you.  None of this is right. This is not supposed to be. And yet, we SEE it.  It’s eminently believable, even when the plot twists rear their head.  And the plot twists will be amazing, yet still fairly safely ensconced in the realm of the all-too-possible.

That’s not to say that this gets off scot-free.  There are some pacing issues here, and the whole thing feels just a bit overlong.  They could’ve safely done some paring here, and I don’t think much of value would have been lost.  Some parts of this are just plain old awkward, and would’ve done better as part of a DVD cut, leaving the theatrical a trimmer, tauter thriller with more punch in its didn’t-see-that-coming.  And sure, it draws on a lot of earlier movies to the point where some of it is downright cliche.  But like the thundersnow scene near the start of the movie, (thundersnow does exist, but it’s pretty rare) there’s still plenty of unique in this movie.

Orphan takes home an eight out of ten on the Screenhead Ten Scale, with plenty to like but room for improvement, this movie is almost certain to scare and surprise you.

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