So when I got word that there would be a new martial arts movie, Ninja Assassin by name, opening up around Thanksgiving, I kind of figured I’d miss it opening day; everyone’s schedule this time of year is usually a total hash anyway. But I knew I’d catch it sooner or later–who can turn down a good old fashioned martial arts rampage?
Not me, that’s for sure, especially when scripter J. Michael Straczynski is involved. But strangely enough, I walked away from Ninja Assassin left oddly empty inside.
First, the plot–somewhere out in the wilds of Japan (I’m reasonably sure it’s Japan, not like the Chinese had ninjas, you know) there’s a bunch of ninja clans, some of which are training stolen children to become assassins of almost supernatural capability. Armed with a wide variety of edged weapons and even some paranormal powers, the ninja go forth to kill whoever they’re told to kill. And the price for a ninja killing? The same as it’s been since they started–one hundred pounds of gold. And when the European police agency Europol gets started, well, all bets are off as they discover just how deeply the ninja clans’ involvement with the rest of the world goes.
Now, I won’t disparage this movie really hard. It was good, for what it was. There was a surfeit of action and blood–seriously, lots of blood–and even a couple small chuckles.
But while I’m sitting here, trying desperately to take all this in as what might well have been thousands of throwing stars go flying through the air and blades clang and rattle against each other and blood pours out of the frame itself like a nightmare Clive Barker might have after a meal of bad enchiladas, I found myself wondering, what is the POINT?
I have to admit, as much as I enjoyed this hyperkinetic ballet presented in steel and fake blood, I was left a little dissatisfied by it all because the story seemed so downright lacking. I left the movie with my memory of it being largely a big steel-colored blur.
Following Raizu around–our ninja hero, by the way–feels like little more than a waiting game as we wait for him to succeed against the next set of truly impossible odds. We’ve seen throughout the movie that one ninja by his onesies is proof against a gang of heavily armed thugs. A dozen or so is proof against government military forces. But Raizu chops through them with almost contemptuous ease.
Even the final fight scene is somehow lacking, as Raizu is pitted against his “father” in one last brawl. I won’t tell you how it turns out, but somehow, I don’t think I really NEED to tell you.
The Screenhead Ten Scale rubs its strained eyes and hands over a six out of ten to Ninja Assassin for being an entertaining, if not very satisfying, ninja action romp. We get so few of these any more and we’re both loath to step on the subgenre, but this one just didn’t have much long term appeal.
Popularity: unranked [?]
