Screenhead

When I first saw a copy of Into the Blue 2 on video store shelves, I thought someone at my friendly neighborhood video store was having a good laugh at my expense.  Someone with some sweet Photoshop skills and a wild imagination whomped up a cheesy premise and told us a really unpleasant story.

But no…it really exists.  And it may well represent the most desperate excursion MGM has ever put on to date.  So desperate, in fact, that it will actually put on a wet t-shirt contest with only a half-hour into the movie, and you know that’s pretty desperate.

Anyway, this time we’re off to Hawaii, to hunt up a missing piece of Saddam Hussein’s lost fortune, while pretending to look for the wreck of the San Cristobal, a massive Spanish treasure ship that was on its way to the Philippines when it went down.  Featuring a pair of pretty much unknown actors as young divemasters up to their necks in hock, they’ll take on the quest to find Saddam’s lost fortune in the guise of the San Cristobal.

And here I thought Spanish treasure ships were exclusively the province of the Caribbean.  But the folks after the containers comprising the sixty million dollars of Saddam’s lost fortune are on a deadline—figuratively, and literally.  If they can’t find the containers within just a few days, they’re both dead.  And so are the two young divemasters they’ve engaged.

Okay, this sucker’s eye candy of the highest sort.  Constant beautiful views will appear for us, including hot chicks for the guys, hot guys for the chicks, and of course, the sheer beauty that is the underwater scenery, in both daylight and at night.  I think it’s possible that the underwater shots may be even MORE stunning at night.  Sadly, we won’t get to see any huge piles of gold or similar treasure in this one, probably owing to the low budget, but it would have been nice.  Like I said before, they actually included a wet t-shirt contest in this one, which is a sign of truest desperation.  They really went all out to pander on this one in one way or another—action buffs, adventure buffs, there’s even some romance in here to make this one shoot for date movie ranking.    Things like character development and even coherent plotting aren’t really in attendance here, but there’s actually a chance you might not notice.  There’s just too much else to look at to notice that things that make a good movie really aren’t here.

This movie is just one big distraction.  That’s all it is—just ninety minutes of “Hey! Hey! Over here! Look at this!” Is this what attention deficit disorder feels like? Oh, and special note to anyone reading this in Great Britain–this’ll hit theatres over there August 2.  And to my crew in Brazil, Spain, Germany, Italy and Australia–you’ll get this in late summer or early fall of 2009, so probably sooner than you think.  A big screen might actually be good for this one, because you’ll get to see the pretty in even greater detail.

But anyway, there’s a lot to enjoy here, even if it’s not exactly the most substantial of movies.  It’s a cheap little distraction, and chances are you’ll enjoy it if for no other reason than it’s just so very pretty.  It’s not much of a movie, let’s be honest, but it’s not necessarily a bad movie for the lack of any substance.  Cotton candy has its place too, and Into the Blue 2 is exactly that.

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