Screenhead

So last night, I was flipping through some TV channels in the hopes that I might catch something interesting to write about, and what blunders in front of me like a gift from above but the new New Moon ad.

I laughed myself into a shallow coma, and when I woke up, an article was ready.

This was one of those “New Moon is the most popular movie in America” ads–and it’s true, the movie made SERIOUS bank. But an important part of these ads are quotes from critics who loved the movie and were willing to throw their good name up along side it. Well, as we all know, pretty much anyone over the age of twelve couldn’t stand this nightmare as is evidenced by its phenomenally low score on Rotten Tomatoes.   It’s still holding at twenty nine, by the way.

So guess who the poor luckless schmucks call in to get some box quote?  None other than “Easy” Earl Dittman.

Earl Dittman is famous–rather, infamous–in critical circles for never having an unkind word to say about any movie ever made in the history of ever.  Earl Dittman would likely publish a four-star rave about a snuff film.  In 2005, eFilmCritic.com referred to him as “Film Criticism’s Greatest Shame“.  You’ll also find there a list of his greatest “quotes” about horrible movies.

Thus, with a putrescent score on Rotten Tomatoes staring them in the face, New Moon went to quote peddler Earl Dittman (often called a “quote whore”) for a little love, which he provide in the form of his quote, something like  “Four stars! New Moon delivers!” if I remember it right.  Darned comas do horrible things to my memory.

It’s really very sad that they had to go the Earl Dittman route and forever cement New Moon among desperate titles like Catwoman, Son of the Mask, RV,  and Boat Trip, other Dittman rave targets.

The man called Spider Man 3 “the best Spider Man yet!” for crying out loud.

Though anyone with eyes still must admit, New Moon will forever be the most successful desperate title ever.

At least until Eclipse comes out, maybe….

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