Were you one of those kids that grew up watching Star Wars and really really really wanted to have a proper light sabre battle someday, even though Alec Guiness got killed and Luke Skywalker lost a hand doing just that?

Well, bad news. Because although the Nintendo Wii’s unique controller is your best bet at finally getting some safe light sabre duelling on (safe for you anyway, not so much your TV screen) LucasArts have said there are still no Star Wars light sabre type games planned for the Wii.

If and when it does happen though (and it will, given the potential sales) here are a five gameplay ideas for the people at LucasArts:

1. “Old Yella Chewie” - Chewbacca gets rabies and starts frothing at the mouth, so you have to euthenize him with the light sabre. Harder than it sounds because Chewi comes at you fast and you are non-Jedi Han Solo so your light sabre skills are lame.

2. “Sandpeople Slaughter” - As Anakin Skywalker you have to slaughter as many sandpeople as possible in 60 seconds. If you don’t slice up at least a hundred you never turn to the dark side and Revenge Of The Sith doesn’t get made.

3. “Jar Jar Binks Bonus Level” - You play a fan of the Star Wars franchise and must use your trusty weapon to divide Jar Jar into as many little pieces as possible. The more pieces you make out of him, the more you convince George Lucas that Binks is an abomination.

4. “Wampa Stomper” - You are Luke Skywalker suspended upside down in an ice cave on Hoth, with your light sabre out of reach and an angry Wampa monster about to eat you alive. For this level, you have to actually suspend yourslef upside down in your living room (using a specially adapted light fixture, sold separately) and place your Wiimote on the opposite side of the room. Using your Jedi mind powers you have to will the Wiimote into your hand telikinetically. If you find that tricky either hang suspended until your mum/girlfriend comes and helps you out, or just cheat and say you did it.

5. “Big Boss Final Level” - In the tradition of old school games your final foe is a big end of game baddie. He’s a bearded man in his early 60s, with a flannel shirt and a bottomless pit of money. You must duel to the death, but the catch is he’s made himself unbeatable. While frustrating, this significantly increases the lifespan of the game.

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