Screenhead

You’ll never guess who, of all people in the UNIVERSE, wants to star in a romantic comedy!  Let’s just say it’s probably the most unlikely person you can imagine–let’s have a little fun and see if you can guess who!

A. Artie Lange

B. 50 Cent

C. Bruce Campbell

The answer?  Shockingly, it’s B!  FITTY CEN!  Can you believe this?  After the sheer number of craptacular games and albums he’s put out, he actually wants to star in a romantic comedy. I mean, come on now…I’ve heard some idiotic ideas in my time, but this second rate halfwit in a romantic comedy?  That’s one of the dumbest ideas I’ve heard since “John Kerry, reporting for duty.” !  And this is how he put it:

“I’d do a romantic comedy if I liked the script.  But it has to be believable and I have to feel I can bring the character to life.”

Kinda like you “brought your character to life” in that horrendous game you put out about the crystal skull a month or so ahead of Indiana Jones, Fifty?  Yeah, okay…call me when you discover reality.

No, really.

There’s a short film on YouTube–in retrospect it never should have been this big of a surprise–called The Horribly Slow Murderer With The Extremely Inefficient Weapon.

And as Jack Cucchiaio finds himself running from his life from the poorly armed maniac, he finds himself in a race against time–an extremely slow race, granted, but a race nonetheless!–to find out the truth behind this killer before the killer can finish his deadly, extremely long term, project.

I about laughed myself stupid watching this.  Seriously–these are guys who know their horror movies, because they’re frantically mocking virtually every convention ever involved in a horror movie.  Watching this horribly slow murder go down was just hilarious.  And yet at the same time, a little creepy.  They really knew what they were doing, and so I recommend it openly.  The movie itself actually drags on, much like the killing itself.

So does the Screenhead Ten Scale, which knows a laugh when it sees it.  Short film or no, this is hilarious stuff and absolutely deserves its eight out of ten.

Divorced… with Benefits?…  well, It’s Complicated!   

On behalf of Universal Pictures, Screenhead is excited to let you know that the new trailer and one-sheet for Nancy Meyers’ upcoming comedy about love, divorce, and everything in between, has just debuted online. It’s Complicated stars Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin – they are hilarious. Come Christmas Day we will find out if love is truly lovelier the second time around…

If anyone has ever seen Nancy Meyer movies, you know you are in for a treat. This trailer proves it. Go to Apple to see the new trailer!

You’ve got to give the crew behind Creeper a little credit for effort–they recorded all their own music to add onto this three minute short film. It’s too bad that that’s pretty much the only area in which they succeeded.

In this one, a young man finds himself running afoul of some random monster or possibly human that sounds like he’s been chain-smoking rope since the eighties.  Anyway, this human / monster thing is dispatched to kill the young man for some reason, but we don’t know what that reason is.  All we know is, his time is UP.

And yes, the musical score is pretty nifty, but what they forgot to do was actually make a movie.  There’s no coherent plot here outside of some fart noises on voice mail and a guy getting killed for no clear reason.  I’m not even sure whether the guy that did the killing was a man or a monster.  And what’s with all the coughing?  The movie was actually TOO short, leaving a lot of its issues unresolved.

There are a great many questions that I don’t have answers to because Creeper didn’t bother to create them.

The Screenhead Ten Scale respects the musical side of this whole short endeavor, but at the same time, can’t help but be a little unsettled by the fact that there’s not much of a, you know, MOVIE here.  It thusly hands out a three out of ten.

A new trailer for Illumination Entertainment’s 3-D CGI Feature Despicable Me has just debuted online!   

The new Despicable Me trailer doesn’t reveal much about the movie, but it’s worth watching for enjoyment.  The movie includes a wonderful cast including Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand, Will Arnett, Kristen Wiig, Danny McBride, Miranda Cosgrove, Jack McBrayer, Mindy Kaling, Jemaine Clement and Julie Andrews.    

Movie will be in theaters July 9, 2010!

In a happy suburban neighborhood surrounded by white picket fences with flowering rose bushes, sits a black house with a dead lawn.  Unbeknownst to the neighbors, hidden beneath this home is a vast secret hideout.  Surrounded by a small army of minions, we discover Gru (voiced by Steve Carell), planning the biggest heist in the history of the world.  He is going to steal the moon. 

Gru delights in all things wicked.  Armed with his arsenal of shrink rays, freeze rays, and battle-ready vehicles for land and air, he vanquishes all who stand in his way.  Until the day he encounters the immense will of three little orphaned girls who look at him and see something that no one else has ever seen: a potential Dad. 

The world’s (second) greatest villain has just met his greatest challenge: three little girls named Margo, Edith and Agnes. 

You know what…the trailer doesn’t show any of this story. You can see it at Apple.

It’s the Berenstain Bears.

Seriously, you remember this stuff?  If you were a child of the eighties like me, you might even remember that they’ve been in cartoon form since way back then, and apparently have had other versions since.  In fact, I’ve got YouTube of the original Berenstain Bears theme below.

Welcome back to the EIGHTIES.  Represent.

But anyway, someone–and here I’m referring to Night at the Museum director Shawn Levy–has apparently had the bright idea to take these childhood icons and turn them into a movie.  And somehow, a little part of me died inside when it remembered what Hollywood did to the Chipmunks.

There’s no word as yet on release dates, but somehow, this sounds like another grandiosely bland attempt on Hollywood’s part to wring a few fast bucks out of our childhood by gunning for name recognition indiscriminately and hoping for the best.

Jack Brown Geniusis a hilariously entertaining movie that is fun to watch. Deep within the chambers of an old monastery lives Elmer (Stuart Devenie), a monk who dreams of discovering a way to fly in hopes of meeting his beloved creator.  But when the wing system he builds fails, he falls to his death and – having been judged a suicide – is doomed to an eternity in purgatory.

A thousand years later, Elmer’s spirit enters the mind of Jack Brown (Timothy Balme), a modern-day inventor with problems of his own.  Seems his boss is trying to pilfer his formula for a new source of power.  But the monk, determined to be released from his otherworldly prison, forces Jack to rebuild the winged machine and achieve Elmer’s dream of flight, rendering him free. Assisted by his friends Dennis (Martin Csokas) and Eileen (Nicola Murphy) – who is secretly in love with Jack – can Jack triumph where Elmer failed and carry both souls to new heights of success?

Never before seen in North America, Jack Brown Genius was co-written and executive produced by Academy Award-winner Peter Jackson (The Lord of the Ringstrilogy) through his studio WingNut Films, Ltd.  A sci-fi/fantasy gem, it’s available on DVD distributedby Lionsgate Entertainment.

You’ll want this movie in your library because it’s a unique breed that breathes laughter and spontaneous fun.  I can’t wait to see it again.

If you would like to win one of the four copies of Jack Brown Genius, post your name and we will pick the winners Tuesday, November 24, 2009.

You know, I’ve seen PLENTY of horror movies focusing on elevators.  Black Out, The Shaft, there was even a lot of elevator action figuring into the old Dario Argento title Demons 2.  The thought of being stuck in an elevator or falling down an elevator shaft fills more than a few people with cold dread.  So it’s not too much of a surprise to see Hellevator, a movie that tries to play on that cold dread.

This time, it’s about what it sounds like–an elevator that goes straight to hell itself.  And for one young man, it’s going to be the ride of his afterlife.

It’s an interesting idea, and they did manage to get some clever action movie dialogue in there–for a short film, this is an especially decent idea.  The big problem with it, though, is that only occasionally are snippets of dialogue so loud as to be heard.  I had my speakers up nice, and the YouTube volume itself on full–which blasts a video I found of Rehab’s Sitting At A Bar just fine.

But aside from that, Hellevator is a nifty concept poorly executed, so you know what the Screenhead Ten Scale’s got in mind: a five out of ten.

Owen Wilson won’t be acting with a dog like he did in Marley & Me, this time he will be playing a dog as voice over for the rascally Great Dane Marmaduke.

The story is about family named the Winslows who move from Kansas to Orange County with their dog Marmaduke, a slobbery pooch who creates chaos wherever he goes. Once settled in the new home Marmaduke navigates volatile Mutts vs. Pedigrees turf war, woos the purebred of his dreams and overcomes a fall from grace.

Judy Greer, Lee Pace and William H. Macy play the humans, while Fergie, Emma Stone, George Lopez, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Steve Coogan, Damon Wayans, Marlon Wayans supply the voices for all the animals.

(Source)

I’m aware that, chances are, after you read that headline above, you’re probably going to have a minor embolism.

Rest assured that you DID read that correctly, and by all accounts, someone, somewhere,  at Disney has greenlit a sequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

You may not, however, be aware that Who Framed Roger Rabbit was actually based on an old conspiracy theory proven terrifyingly accurate about how a coterie of companies came together to take down the Los Angeles streetcar system and replace it with a freeway, which is pretty much what happened in the original.

There are some rumors that say that we’ll have much the same thing in this one, with another conspiracy theory being targeted and analogized to fit into a ninety minute cartoon / live action hybrid film.  Naturally there’s no proof of this as the script hasn’t even been started on yet, but the concept remains, and in all honesty, I’m looking forward to it!

I loved that film when I was a kid, and have fond memories of going along with a group of childhood buddies to catch it.  It was downright amazing.  And I can only hope that a whole new generation of kids will have the same opportunity to laugh at a moron bunny that I did.