Screenhead

Brad Pitt’s Plan B shingle is working on the development a film version of the upcoming video game Dark Void with Pitt possibly starring as the lead combatant. No writers have been hired as yet.

Void follows a cargo pilot named Will (Pitt’s presumed character) who, after crashing in the Bermuda Triangle, ends up in a parallel universe where a band of humans must fight an alien threat they had long been thought extinct. Will and the other humans are outmanned but have a number of weapons and powers to help them beat back the alien invasion.

In January, the game will be released for Windows, PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360.

Now, it is obvious that video games are not always successful at the box office like Max Payne. Dark Void, as a game, was purposely developed to appeal to wide-screen mindsets in which they see a world full of adventure in cinematic scope and magnitude.

(Source)

No, seriously–aliens.  Yes, I find myself just as horrified to pass on this newsy bit to you, but apparently the film remake of the Hasbro board game will actively involve ALIENS.

Now, there’s no real word in what SENSE aliens are involved in this one, whether they come down to earth to join in some naval warfare or the whole thing’s suddenly a science fiction movie (which, admittedly, is at least kind of cool–we don’t get a whole lot of movies that feature space opera elements), but that’s the last word–that aliens were involved.

On the one hand, it’s not like I was expecting all that much out of the Battleship movie to begin with.  It’s a movie about a board game.  How much COULD it do?  But I do have some high hopes–we could get something really impressive out of this.  Think Wing Commander, only, you know, good.

We’ll have a long wait to find out, though, and hopefully when we do, it’ll turn out for the best.

So despite all logic and good common sense, apparently Will Smith is planning to play a mentally handicapped janitor in Flowers for Algernon.

He’ll be both producing and starring in the film, a remake of the old novel in which the janitor in question, Charly, gets a surgical procedure done that augments his mind, making him a genius…but only for a while.

The end result is actually a pretty good story, so I look for this one to actually come off pretty well.  In all honesty, Will Smith is actually a really good actor, so he should be able to put the necessary dramatic force and the endless duality into the role (he’s got to play a handicapped guy and a genius and then go back to handicapped while KNOWING he’s going back all at once).

He should be able to handle it, but I’ll reserve just a bit of skepticism as I’ve seen this kind of thing go wrong before.

I think we’re all still smarting from Jurassic Park 3, a lump of molten suck so thick and putrescent that it still hurts to even think about it years later.

So it’s not exactly a dose of good news to hear that the plans for Jurassic Park 4 are moving on as if nothing were wrong.  Joe Johnston, right now, is looking to direct, and apparently the script is already well in hand, because he’s been talking about how “great” the script is.

Apparently, this time around, the fourth one is going to start a new trilogy (!) and will be a completely different direction for the series.  If they want to do completely different, of course, what they’ll have to do it keep people off that stupid island to start with.

Me personally?  I give good odds that Wu’s stupid “lysine contingency” was as big a screw up as his “oh, they can’t breed” line of bullhonkery, which means that, chances are, a few of those original Isla Nublar dinosaurs–or maybe a few site-B Isla Sornas–got loose and are currently terrorizing Brazil.

We’ll have to wait a good long while before we find out what’s what, though.

Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire opened this weekend to $1.8 million from only 18 locations. That’s a record breaking location average of $100,000 for each movie theater. It is obvious people want to see this movie. 

Precious has been on the festival circuit, getting rave reviews with some strong backers: Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry. It looks like the reviews and support from Winfrey and Perry paid off.

How can someone sit through Precious as entertainment because the subject matter is not upbeat or fanciful?  Even on talk shows like Ellen, it’s mentioned that the movie is not easy to watch because it’s very sad and emotionally draining.

With that said, I go to the movies to escape from problems of the world and not worry about the problems of society. Movies like Precious bring our awareness up to a point we can face the problems? Sure, something needs to be done about these types of social ills. Yet, they continue to exist. Does a movie resolve the problem or do we need to find workable solutions that really work not false successes? 

What do you think?

Today I want to personally thank the Miller-McCune Group for blowing a whole lot of time and personnel dollars to engage in some serious spreadsheet fun, all meant to reveal one of the greatest truths of the media universe–not all critics are created equal, and some of them just love or hate things unaccountably.

As a token of my appreciation, the Miller-McCune Group will be receiving a large novelty pre-voided check for one hojillion dollars.

Anyway, they’ve built a whole lot of interesting graphs here revolving around a smattering of data from Metacritic, the critic amalgamation site that gives you a general idea of what a whole bunch of critics said.  On a side note, as though anyone would want that–I mean, come on…half the point of reading film criticism is to enjoy the wordplay and the clever comparisons and whatnot.  If you wanted raw numbers you’d play with a calculator.  You want the advance word from a person you can trust.

Some other interesting points include that Michael Wilmington might want to sleep with one eye open lest he be branded a quote whore sometime in the future (most of his work seems to be positive, and interestingly, so does Roger Ebert’s!  Ebert a quote whore?  Say it ain’t so!), Marc Savlov is a tough act to please, and Rene Rodriguez and Mick LaSalle seem to have the best balance of positive and negative work.

Look, I’ve said it before–the best thing you can do is find a critic you can trust.  And the only way you can do that is not with charts and graphs, but rather with a long term commitment and regular readings.  Find the one you know you can trust, and stick with them.  It doesn’t matter if it’s here at Screenhead or somewhere else (though we’d prefer it if it were here at Screenhead), just as long as you can trust it.

See, I knew it.  I knew this was coming.  I knew that, somehow, Katie Featherston was going to burst onto the scene as, at the very least, the flavor of the week in Hollywood after the incredible success of Paranormal Activity.

One, she’s pretty good.  Two, that movie did unbelievably well.  But it’s actually one of the ballsiest things I’ve ever seen to consider what her next movie is.  It’s either phenomenal brilliance, stupidity or hubris for them to retitle Featherston’s next movie from Walking Distance to…

…Experimental Activity.

No, really.  They changed the title from “Walking Distance” to “Experimental Activity” JUST BECAUSE of Paranormal Activity.  Oh, sure, they’re downplaying the title change in interviews, but you know and I know and the half-blind family DOG knows that’s why they did it.

I’ve heard about…Experimental Activity…and it sounds like a pretty awesome movie regardless.  The question of the day, of course, is will more people follow because of the change…or in spite of it?

I don’t know where to begin telling you how HORRIBLE an idea this is.

See, there was something I noticed long, long ago that I quickly developed into a law of horror movies.  Ouija Boards Are Always Bad News.

I thought it was strange that, pretty much every time one of them was used in a horror flick, it was only a matter of time before someone got haunted, possessed or just plain old dead outright. And upon further investigation, I discovered that  Ouija boards were roundly condemned by–and you’re going to want to brace yourself for this:

1. Virtually every Christian group (no real surprise there)

2. Most every type of pagan

3. The paranormal research community

Look, under normal circumstances, getting these three to agree on ANYTHING is tougher than getting the Mossad and PLO to double-date (thank you Bruce Bethke!), so when they all agree on something you’d best pay attention.

And now I hear that Platinum Dunes is developing a movie around these?

Yeah, great work guys…I loved your movie the first time I saw it.  Back in the early nineties. When it was called Witchboard.  It had a SEQUEL, you jackasses.

Ouija, however, will be coming to theaters sometime in 2010, or so the current word goes.

And I don’t mean A Terminator, either.  I mean the whole shooting match. Lock, stock, boxtop and rights.  You too can own the rights to a pretty successful franchise that usually costs plenty to exploit, though it usually makes its money back.

Interestingly, though, Joss Whedon actually made an offer for the Terminator rights, but it was significantly less than the current owners wanted:  a whopping ten grand.

He even had some pretty sweet ideas, including branching out into porn (cue that wa-wa pedal guitar!) and even doing a musical.  He thought twice about the musical, but I say it could work.  I’ve actually got part of the opening song already written and would be happy to contribute for the low, low cost of ten percent of the grosses.  You’re welcome, in advance.

But seriously, this is a move that might actually end well, assuming the right people get a hold of the rights.  I doubt they’ll get the twenty five million they want for them, though.

I’m aware that, chances are, after you read that headline above, you’re probably going to have a minor embolism.

Rest assured that you DID read that correctly, and by all accounts, someone, somewhere,  at Disney has greenlit a sequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

You may not, however, be aware that Who Framed Roger Rabbit was actually based on an old conspiracy theory proven terrifyingly accurate about how a coterie of companies came together to take down the Los Angeles streetcar system and replace it with a freeway, which is pretty much what happened in the original.

There are some rumors that say that we’ll have much the same thing in this one, with another conspiracy theory being targeted and analogized to fit into a ninety minute cartoon / live action hybrid film.  Naturally there’s no proof of this as the script hasn’t even been started on yet, but the concept remains, and in all honesty, I’m looking forward to it!

I loved that film when I was a kid, and have fond memories of going along with a group of childhood buddies to catch it.  It was downright amazing.  And I can only hope that a whole new generation of kids will have the same opportunity to laugh at a moron bunny that I did.