Twilight’s sequel New Moon has set box office history by breaking all records for midnight runs, earning a monstrous $26.3 million as the movie played in 3,514 theaters at 12:01 a.m. Friday.
Thus, New Moon undoubtedly beat the $22.2 million collected by Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince this summer.
Check out Steve Anderson’s review!
Admittedly, when I went into New Moon this morning, I wasn’t expecting anything good. My experience with Twilight was only a few months old, and it still hurt to think about that slow sludgy mess of sparkly emo boi vampires dragging the genre down with it.
But when I grit my teeth and walked in, what I got was something somewhat different from what I was expecting.
Just to catch you up on the plot, we’re still with screechy loser Bella Swan and her sparkly emo boi vampire boyfriend Edward. Only now, we discover that werewolves are also thrown in the mix (it was probably supposed to be a surprise but they tipped their own hand on this point MONTHS ago) and for some reason, both vampire Edward and relative newcomer werewolf Jacob Black are all very much into this pasty cipher of a girl who seems to exist for no other reason than to give the teenage girl fans in the audience an easy point for self-insertion.
Yes, there’s still plenty wrong with this whole thing. One, none of these people can act worth a fart in a stiff wind–Kristen Stewart still seems dazed by the whole thing and is acting like she’s been suffering a concussion since about ten minutes into the first movie. Robert Pattinson is a willowy mess–when he takes his shirt off and reveals his new “six pack” it looks like nothing so much as a man in desperate need of a SANDWICH. Taylor Lautner is the girliest macho man I’ve ever SEEN. He’s trying DESPERATELY hard to be some kind of bad-ass but then everything he tries is toned down so hard for the consumption of the tweenagers in the audience. It’s like someone told him, “Be a bad boy, but don’t actually be THREATENING.” He’s doing his best, I think, but he’s doing it under terribly strained conditions.
Also, why isn’t White Wolf suing holy hell out of Summit, Stephenie Meyer, et al for copyright violation? I remember the nature-boy werewolves and cosmopolitan corporate vampires back when I was one of the handful of people playing the Rage card game back in 1995! Now all of a sudden it’s a major motion picture and I don’t think White Wolf’s getting any taste on this. They DO still have the license at last report even if it’s been sold more times than real estate.
But, like I said originally, this was better than I expected. If for no other reason than the only way it could be much worse is if Stephenie Meyer personally came to theaters at random and gouged out the eyes of one of the viewers. There was more action in this, and a developing storyline that still seems rather limited (White Wolf, for Pete’s sake, it’s werewolves versus vampires. You did ALL this long before them!), but is actually somewhat bearable.
There’s still plenty of slow parts in this, though, and lots of reason to be unhappy, though not nearly as many as the FIRST Twilight installment gave us.
The Screenhead Ten Scale, naturally, agrees with me and hands over a five out of ten to a vampire franchise that may well be starting to look up. If it continues improving at this rate, Breaking Dawn’s going to be a non-stop bloodbath and even I’ll be impressed.
Man, it’s just a big old day of mystery for you folks, isn’t it? Got to be just KILLING you! But don’t worry, you know your old buddy always takes care of you with the answers to his own questions in rapid fashion.
It’s Tim Allen, folks. Tim Allen is actually making a reappearance on the big screen this January. And even better, he’s directing. So for once, if something goes wrong with a movie, we know EXACTLY who to blame.
And surely it’s not the writer of the upcoming train wreck in the making, Crazy on the Outside, featuring the grunt machine himself as a former prison inmate released into the care of his family, who as it turns out, is insane.
Even worse, joining this fray are none other than otherwise decent character actors Sigourney Weaver and Ray Liotta. Now, Ray I understand. Poor guy needs a paycheck. But Sigourney, come on. Surely you can hold off the tax man until the Ghostbusters remake hits!
Well, they don’t call it the January Curse for nothing, kids–brace yourselves, because this is going to be a doozy.
No, seriously, you won’t.
In fact, rather than say it myself and risk you not believing me, I’m going to just quote the results of a recent interview Woo did with Cinema Blend. Dig the word:
Yeah, a musical, yeah! I have a script for a musical for 12 years that I paid for with my own money. I still want to make a musical. It’s an original, not from any well-known existing musical. It’s an action musical. (laughs) It’s true! We have a very good script, I wanted to make it, but it’s hard to interest studios to make a musical right now. It’s in English. I love All That Jazz, Singin’ in the Rain, West Side Story. I miss musicals.
A John Woo musical. Now, while that might be fun, especially if it were something like Hard Boiled-The Musical (especially if he does the double handgun thing that is his hallmark, along with the slow motion dove release), I’m terrified that some day I might well wake up and find Paint Your Wagon, directed by John Woo, on my list of things to watch.
I just got goosebumps. And they’re not the fun kind, either.
You know, I’m not surprised. Really. I’d also include words like “overrated” and “over the hill” too, because frankly, I haven’t laughed at much he’s done since the Butomi era on Saturday Night Live, and even then because he was with Chris Kattan, whose wide-eyed insanity made Ferrell seem like a straight man.
Oh, sure, Elf could’ve been a LOT worse than it was, but my stomach still churns at the thought of Step Brothers, and I still can’t make it through a performance of Semi-Pro without wishing Michigan would fall into one of the lakes, even IF it took me with it.
Ferrell, on average, only brings in about three times what he’s paid, which is actually good by any objective standard, but in Hollywood, in which budgets on single films can easily surpass the GDP of entire countries (here I am thinking of pretty much anywhere in Africa), it takes a lot more than a three to one ratio to justify the big payday.
Oh, sure, Ferrell’s known for a good joke or two, but he often spends his time in one of three basic modes:
1. Whiny man-child Will
2. Entirely too confident of his appearance Will
3. Naked Will
And frankly, I think we’ve all had enough of number three by now. Number one makes me want to gouge out most of my sensory apparatus and number two is just boring.
All right, folks, strap in and keep your remotes handy because today I’m going to talk about Heat, one of the longest movies you’ll ever love.
The folks out at Warner Brothers sent me a copy of Heat, and you might be wondering why I’m talking about a movie this old. Well, it’s not like some of you haven’t heard of it, but it was just released on Blu-ray, so we’ve got a responsibility to cover it.
Heat features Val Kilmer and the gigantic concentrated awesome heap that is Al Pacino and Robert De Niro in the same movie. It’s about a career thief who leads a team of thieves through an incredible robbery that nets the team just over a million and a half bucks in bearer bonds. The bonds were insured, so the only real victim here is the insurance company, and we’ve all been able to agree that they could have used a kick in the slats since 1995 anyway. Anyway, the fun really starts when the team tries to sell back the stolen bonds instead of laundering them.
Heat is a long–VERY long!–and incredibly involving tale of deceit, thievery and murder that’s actually very engrossing. I’d actually seen this one maybe five or six times over the last (nearly) fifteen years, so it was a welcome treat. But you will have to brace yourself adequately. Clear your calendar, get your snacks together in advance, because this is a LONG movie. Nearly THREE HOURS worth of long, in fact.
But the critical takeaway here is that it’s also really, REALLY exciting.
The Screenhead Ten Scale loves my taste in movies and hands this a seven out of ten for being a solid actioner with a lot of twists, even if it’s a bit too long.
You know, I don’t have much particular affection for Kevin Smith or his work–I think his best years were behind him after Mallrats, and I have to wonder if I didn’t like Mallrats because I was roughly the protagonists’ age when it emerged, thus giving me a note of resonance with it. That and my best friend at the time was totally a Brodie whilst I was the T.S. of the outfit, except I NEVER managed to score a Brandi. I’m sorry to all my exes, but truly, NONE of you were a match for mid-nineties Claire Forlani. It just doesn’t happen.
But even I’m annoyed that Kevin Smith’s once again getting slammed by title censorship. First, no network would air advertising for Zack and Miri Make A Porno because it had the word “porno” in it, and as we all know, hearing the word “porno” on network television causes nuns and small children’s heads alike to burst into flame.
And now, what do I find, but his upcoming A Couple of Dicks has been changed…to A Couple of Cops.
…sigh…
Seriously, does no one understand basic irony? That “dick” is Depression-era slang for “detective”? Or are we all so concerned about “naughty language” that we’re going ban-happy? I don’t know, but whatever it is, I don’t much like it.
Sorry, Kevin.
Well, folks…bad news. Terrible news in point of fact.
Apparently, Herr Doktor Uwe Boll hasn’t had enough of destroying video game to movie translations yet, because he’s somehow gotten access to the Far Cry series.
A trailer has emerged, and man, is it a doozy. It has all the hallmarks of a Herr Doktor film–halfassed plot, weak dialogue, and lots of explosions. The trailer doesn’t look too bad, but I’ve seen enough decent trailers built out of horrendous movies. Naturally I’ll reserve judgment until the actual product emerges, but you’ll excuse my skepticism.
This IS, after all, Herr Doktor we’re talking about here. Seriously, does the guy have any GOOD movies to his credit? Sure, Postal was a riot but even that was still pretty weak. It’s hard to imagine a Boll movie going over well at all.
And of course, we have the trailer right here for you, so settle in and enjoy this newest wreckage in the making.
Yeah, I know, I’m pretty bummed out about it myself. At the rate this thing is going it’s going to DWARF the original Stoker. Dracula is going to get pushed out by…Team Edward.
A little part of me just died typing that.
But it’s no less true for my squeamishness. The number one pre-selling title of all time, at least as far as Fandango goes, is New Moon. In fact, at the rate it’s going, there’s a good chance that theater owners will be resorting to little-known techniques like interlocking the reels to reduce the length of show times, or even running continuous loop showtimes, in which there’s no, or at least a minimum of, time between shows to get the most possible in a day.
One way or another, this thing is going to be one of the biggest movies of the year. The Twifans have already bought their tickets and there will be virtually no competition on that weekend. The only alternative is Planet 51 and a handful of limited release titles. Thus, there’s pretty much no way that New Moon won’t take top spot this weekend.
Lions Gate and Massify are linking up to create a partnership aimed at finding the next great filmmakers.
We all know who Lions Gate is, but you may not be familiar with Massify, the world’s largest online film production network. The Lions Gate Incubator Project, LINC, gives Lions Gate access to Massify’s huge talent pool. They’re already getting a project ready for launch within the next few weeks, a “high-concept, male-driven comedy short” that will be developed into a feature length production later. Here’s the word from Lions Gate:
“There is a revolution of new ideas in filmed entertainment online,” said Curt Marvis, President of Digital for Lionsgate. “We intend to be at the forefront of accessing this enormous and largely untapped source of fresh talent and original new voices. Just as we are always looking for ways to monetize our content in a broadband environment, we are equally committed to using new media platforms as a source of new content. Massify’s large and talented community of filmmakers make them an ideal partner to bolster our online initiatives.”
Smart move for Lions Gate–they need to find the next Saw before someone else does, and the More of the Same plan you’re seeing at places like Universal just doesn’t seem to be holding up. After all, GI Joe STILL hasn’t made its shooting budget back yet despite having sold a hundred and fifty million dollars’ worth of tickets at last view, whilst the dirt-cheap Paranormal Activity took in a whopping hundred-plus on a shoestring.
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