Screenhead

Admittedly, when I went into New Moon this morning, I wasn’t expecting anything good.  My experience with Twilight was only a few months old, and it still hurt to think about that slow sludgy mess of sparkly emo boi vampires dragging the genre down with it.

But when I grit my teeth and walked in,  what I got was something somewhat different from what I was expecting.

Just to catch you up on the plot, we’re still with screechy loser Bella Swan and her sparkly emo boi vampire boyfriend Edward.  Only now, we discover that werewolves are also thrown in the mix (it was probably supposed to be a surprise but they tipped their own hand on this point MONTHS ago) and for some reason, both vampire Edward and relative newcomer werewolf Jacob Black are all very much into this pasty cipher of a girl who seems to exist for no other reason than to give the teenage girl fans in the audience an easy point for self-insertion.

Yes, there’s still plenty wrong with this whole thing.  One, none of these people can act worth a fart in a stiff wind–Kristen Stewart still seems dazed by the whole thing and is acting like she’s been suffering a concussion since about ten minutes into the first movie.  Robert Pattinson is a willowy mess–when he takes his shirt off and reveals his new “six pack” it looks like nothing so much as a man in desperate need of a SANDWICH.  Taylor Lautner is the girliest macho man I’ve ever SEEN.  He’s trying DESPERATELY hard to be some kind of bad-ass but then everything he tries is toned down so hard for the consumption of the tweenagers in the audience.  It’s like someone told him, “Be a bad boy, but don’t actually be THREATENING.”  He’s doing his best, I think, but he’s doing it under terribly strained conditions.

Also, why isn’t White Wolf suing holy hell out of Summit, Stephenie Meyer, et al for copyright violation?  I remember the nature-boy werewolves and cosmopolitan corporate vampires back when I was one of the handful of people playing the Rage card game back in 1995!  Now all of a sudden it’s a major motion picture and I don’t think White Wolf’s getting any taste on this.  They DO still have the license at last report even if it’s been sold more times than real estate.

But, like I said originally, this was better than I expected.  If for no other reason than the only way it could be much worse is if Stephenie Meyer personally came to theaters at random and gouged out the eyes of one of the viewers.  There was more action in this, and a developing storyline that still seems rather limited (White Wolf, for Pete’s sake, it’s werewolves versus vampires.  You did ALL this long before them!), but is actually somewhat bearable.

There’s still plenty of slow parts in this, though, and lots of reason to be unhappy, though not nearly as many as the FIRST Twilight installment gave us.

The Screenhead Ten Scale, naturally, agrees with me and hands over a five out of ten to a vampire franchise that may well be starting to look up.  If it continues improving at this rate, Breaking Dawn’s going to be a non-stop bloodbath and even I’ll be impressed.

Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief  is looking good. I like the special effects and it seems the characters play well off each other well.  I like Pierce Brosnan’s character. I am not sure who he is, but it’s a stretch for Brosnan and he does a good job.

Some of you can’t stay up late and watch the late, late shows of television. That said, tonight Jimmy welcomes Twilight’s leading lady – Kristen Stewart.  After last night’s appearance on Jay Leno – Taylor Lautner mentioned that Kristen has quite a throwing arm.  

Tonight- Jimmy tests her skills in part three of the interview!  Also, in two parts, we have the full interview with Kristen – including her discussing Martha Stewart’s Robert Pattinson dream, her big plans for Thanksgiving and plenty of exciting New Moon details. 

New Moon.

Yeah, I know, I’m pretty bummed out about it myself.  At the rate this thing is going it’s going to DWARF the original Stoker.  Dracula is going to get pushed out by…Team Edward.

A little part of me just died typing that.

But it’s no less true for my squeamishness.  The number one pre-selling title of all time, at least as far as Fandango goes, is New Moon.  In fact, at the rate it’s going, there’s a good chance that theater owners will be resorting to little-known techniques like interlocking the reels to reduce the length of show times, or even running continuous loop showtimes, in which there’s no, or at least a minimum of, time between shows to get the most possible in a day.

One way or another, this thing is going to be one of the biggest movies of the year.  The Twifans have already bought their tickets and there will be virtually no competition on that weekend.  The only alternative is Planet 51 and a handful of limited release titles.  Thus, there’s pretty much no way that New Moon won’t take top spot this weekend.

So we’ve got a strange bit of news roaming around about the fourth installment of Spider Man, and it comes to us by way of a casting announcement that was made.  Check THIS out:

[TODDLER BOY]

2 or 3 year old boy to play 2 year old, Caucasian with RED HAIR, an adorable toddler with an engaging personality, on set experience preferred. IDENTICAL TWINS ONLY

…yeah.  Two year old Caucasian with red hair.  We’re all pretty much aware that Mary Jane has red hair…so is it possible at this point that Spider Man might become Spider Dad?  That’s entirely possible too, though it does kind of go against the established canon a bit.

Though let’s be honest…the established canon is in such tatters that there really isn’t a “going against it” at this point.  For crying out loud, Spidey’s been retconned so many times it’s not even funny any more.  He just sold his soul to Mephisto like ten, twelve issues ago.

So why not? Why not have Peter become a dad?

Wes Anderson’s Fantastic Mr. Fox is a wacky, upbeat and entertaining film. I have seen the trailers and each one is a kicker.  They are so much fun that I watch them over again, sharing them with family and friends.  It may sound corny but it’s wacky.

Now anyone can send a holiday e-card to friends and family – and play the new MR. FOX game and test your waffle-eating prowess with the click of your fingers on the keyboard or with a web cam… Just click here. 

Even iTunes allows you to visit Mr. Fox’s room by clicking here.  If you feel like clicking again, you can find some more Mr. Fox stuff for your iPhone here.

Fantastic Mr. Fox opened yesterday in NY and LA! The film will expand to more cities next week, and then go wide the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, November 25. 2009.

Riddle me this…riddle me that…who’ll never show up in a movie about the Bat?

Simple answer: Dane Cook.  Long answer: the same but it involves numerous non-work safe expletives, a brief seizure and cries about “any justice in the world”.

But that hasn’t stopped the thoroughly unfunny comedian from trying!  He’s apparently trying to get his foot in the door of one of the Batman movies to try his hand at playing The Riddler, a concept that Jim Carrey pretty much destroyed for all time with HIS portrayal of same.

When asked how Cook would play such a role, possibly in sheer disbelief that the moron would even suggest such a sacrilege, Cook said that he’d play it like “The Crow…only more comedic”.

Like that putz even knows what comedy IS.  Look, you want comedy?  Go get Denis Leary. He’d make a sweet Riddler.  Have some fun with it–get Gabriel Iglesias.  A fluffy Riddler would be awesome. They could let out one of Matthew Lesko’s suits and we’d be off to the races!

Don’t worry, though, folks–as long as Chris Nolan’s in charge I doubt you’ll ever see Dane Cook in a Batman movie.

Sometimes, folks, movie news is so epic that it can’t immediately be discerned whether it’s epically good or epically bad.  All I know is that this is a big lump of something, though whether it’s a big lump of awesome or a big lump of suck will remain to be seen.

Seems that Will Ferrell (on the producer slot) and Tommy Wirkola (whose name you’ll recognize from zombie Nazi epic Dead Snow) have banded together to get working on a remake of the Hansel and Gretel story, along with writer Dante Harper.

A basic synopsis is now available, and it boggles my mind.  Picture a funny version of The Brothers Grimm, and you’ll have a good idea what’s going on. Basically, fifteen years after the duo in question jammed a cannibal witch into a scorching hot oven to die, they’ve decided it’s time to take up a new line of work–witch bounty hunting.  Apparently there’s a LOT of witches around, and it’s up to Hansel and Gretel to kill them off but good.

See what I mean?  Good? Bad?  It could go either way and do so on an unimaginable scale.  But how will it turn out?  We’ll have a ways to wait before we find that one out.

This is just too good not to post for you Fight Club fans and space monkeys! On November 17, 2009 – the same day Fight Club: 10^th Anniversary Edition is coming to Blu-ray —  experience Fight Club with fellow space monkeys for the first time in theaters in a decade! 

There will be two FREE midnight screenings of the film, one in New York, and one in Los Angeles. These are onetime events, so make sure to sign up to get the password and see Fight Club on the big screen.   

There is nothing wrong with a free movie, so here are the links space monkeys! 

To RSVP to the New York screening, click here: www.projectmayhemny.com, and to RSVP for the Los Angeles screening click here: www.projectmayhemla.com!

Check out Screenhead’s Fight Club: 10^th Anniversary Edition giveaway! Enter to win the Blu-ray edition!