Screenhead

How bad do things in Hollywood have to get before actors come out of the woodwork trying to be the next Michael Cena?  Well, if you ever wanted to know just HOW bad it had to get to get to that point, just ask Jesse Eisenberg, coming off his disastrous performance in Adventureland, the crappiest attempt at a comedy movie on Earth!  Well, this week, anyway.

In Adventureland, Jesse Eisenberg stars as James Brennan, a young man who’s just graduated from college, ready for his future with a degree in…comparative literature?…well, I guess that qualifies him for plenty of jobs.  Jobs like…waiter.  Oh wait, he couldn’t get that job.  Perhaps he can drive an asphalt mixer!  Nope…not that either.  In fact, there are a LOT of jobs that James can’t get, which he finds much to his dismay as he gets the news that his father’s been demoted, and thus the gravy train he was accustomed to has suddenly been derailed.  Thus, there’s no dream trip to Europe for James.  And no apartment rent help…and even his dreams of graduate school seem to be much in doubt.  Thus, James goes job hunting, and ends up in the one place where they’ll employ pretty much anyone with a pulse—Adventureland.

From there, James becomes embroiled in steamy coworker romances (it’s unimaginable to me how this total dork, who admits to reading poetry for entertainment, manages to land so many hot chicks throughout the course of the film), gets threatened at knifepoint for large stuffed animals, discovers that small time amusement parks cheat like no tomorrow when it comes to their ridiculous games, and of course, discovers that you too can become highly popular if you have several dozen joints available to pass out like lollipops at semi-random intervals.

Come to think of it, maybe THAT’S how he landed all the hot chicks.

But anyway—it’s hard to harsh on Adventureland too much.  Despite the fact that this thing sucks harder than certain astronomical phenomena (black holes!), it tries to be a good movie.  It really does; it’s as earnest and eager to please as its main character.  And it’s hard to hate a movie that really, REALLY wants you to like it.  And there are times when Adventureland pushes at the fabric separating good movies from bad.  You can tell, at some points, it’s really stretching the surface tension of that terminator between good and bad…until it just can’t keep up the effort and does something stupid or awkward to shut down its own progress.  It’s really rather sad.

Plus, I’ve got to throw a nod to always-competent Ryan Reynolds, and surprisingly-competent Kristen Stewart.  After the misery tour that was Twilight, I’d thought that she was a complete writeoff, but no…no, she actually managed to turn in a solid performance.

At least until the less-than-conclusive ending; if you actually subject yourself to it, chances are you will end up as disappointed as I was.

Despite Adventureland’s best efforts, it can’t manage to pull itself off the kiddie coaster and become a full-fledged high-flier.  It’s hard to hate a movie that wants so desperately to be good, but hate it I do, nonetheless.