Screenhead

I will be the first to admit that this is a subjective live. Everybody knows of a movie title that you think is about one thing, but is actually about something else. After all Monster’s Ball sounds like vampires and other creatures of the night having a party. And what do you tell the ticket seller when the movie is titled Phffft or $? For your consideration are five of the dumbest movie titles ever -

5. Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death. I would say that the ideal double feature companion would be You are What You Eat. Maybe if you’re a cannibal, it’s you are who you eat. Make sure to be armed with a sharp knife and a bottle of French Dressing.

4. Tomorrow Never Dies. Actually tomorrow dies when it becomes today, after which it’s really dead when it becomes yesterday. I like my James Bond films with titles that make sense, like Octopussy.

3. Ghost in the Invisible Bikini. I see naked dead people. If normally you can’t see a ghost, how can you tell what they’re wearing? I actually saw part of this film and believe me, the ghost is cute but that invisible bikini was a waste of a small special effects budget. This was the last of the Beach Party movies from the mid-Sixties. Dishonarable mention goes to the second worst beach movie title: How to Stuff a Wild Bikini.

2. The Rats are Coming! The Werewolves are Here!. I admit it. I’m confused. If your life is threatened by werewolves, than wouldn’t vermin seem like an added annoyance? True story (according to the Internet Movie Database: filmmaker Andy Milligan, a legendary cheapskate, wouldn’t hire a wrangler and found himself which a bunch of rats that he needed to get rid of. Milligan proposed an ad campaign in which theatergoers could get a free live rat. There is no truth to the rumor that a similar giveaway will be done in conjunction with a forthcoming movie.

1. The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?. If you want to see the real grindhouse, look no further than filmmaker Ray Dennis Steckler. I pity the poor shmoe who had to put this title on the theater marquee. Steckler was so cheap, that his rip-off of the Batman television show, Rat Pfink a Boo Boo was released without changing the typo in that title.

I’m sure readers have their own ideas of worst movie titles, so feel free to make your comments known.