Newspaper reports every year claim that January is the worst month of the year. All festivities are over. The world is in come-down mode. The most amount of sick-days from work are taken. And we’re all ill. Struck down with colds, flus, etc. There’s nothing worse than having a flu. Everything hurts, everything annoys you. You’d think you’d enjoy the privilege of staying in bed, but that just feels bothersome.
The last time I was sick, I watched Once Upon a Time in the West. It’s graceful, epic visuals and beautiful soundtrack somehow soothed me. And then Happy Days managed to keep me occupied by being mildly amusing yet not requiring any mental concentration. But there are some films in this world which not only should be avoided when sick, as they only seem to accentuate your symptoms, but may actually make your healthy body feel ill when watching. Read on at your own risk….
Not an obvious choice at all. This Stephen King novella sets out to be a heart-warming tale about a group of boys who bond while searching for a dead body. It’s really a typical coming of age tale, albeit one of the best, but during one scene the protagonist, Gordie, amuses his group with a story. It tells the tale of Lardass, who gets revenge on his cruel town during a pie-eating contest by eating a concoction of nauseous foodstuffs. He vomits during the contest, and the vile smell induces everyone in the audience to mass-projectile vomit all over each other. You just knew you couldn’t watch something devised by King that wouldn’t sicken you at some stage. You can watch the barforama here.
It’s not so much the 15-minute long infamous rape scene that makes watching this film such a sickening experience (although you don’t have to be unwell to be disgusted by it), but it’s the entire movie’s sense of “direction”. Gasper Noé’s story of frustration and revenge is so slight that the only way to keep us occupied is to have the camera constantly moving. And I don’t mean panning smoothly, I mean twisting and twirling, spiralling an spinning until you’re left with a headache to block out the knowledge that the film downright sucks. And when your own head is spinning from the onslaught of influenza, the very prospect of watching this rollercoaster visual style will make your life a lot more painful.
This tiny film (made for about $7000) is one of the most inventive of the past few years. But beware, for unless you’re in a soduku-solving mindset, you may be in for hell. The film concerns two engineers, who accidentally create a device that can travel a person back in time (but not forward). Sounds simple, but things get confusing when you realise that the people you’re watching may not be the “originals”, and that at any given time there’s a number of “copies” wandering around, all trying to avoid each other. Oh, and none of this is explicitally revealed. When sober and healthy, trying to figure out this movie is already testing on your mental facilities. When ill, I can only image the film will somehow cause a spontaneous cranial implosion.
Terry Gilliam must have some long-term persistent illness, consdering the look and style of all of his films. 12 Monkeys is one of his most frenzied, a strange tale of a madman who claims to be from the future, who returns to modern times to discover how a mysterious virus wiped out most of humanity. Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas is also equally insane, but this film just beats it due to the whole time-travel confusion. If Stand By Me represents the vomiting stage of being sick, then this film surely represents delirium. The film is frantic, sweaty. Everything seems to be shot with a super-wide lens, making faces and places seem distorted and unreal. I feel dizzy just thinking about it. But what do you expect from one sixth of Monty Python, an insane-asylum group that somehow managed to infiltrate the BBC.
Many claim director Stanley Kubrick to be a genius director. But no genius would ever be nuts enough to make a film like A Clockwork Orange. Every single aspect of this film is so odd, so bizarre, that when the credits roll, you’ll find your temperature has shot through the thermometer and you’re starting to feel a little insane yourself. The film’s soundtrack is Beethoven played with a moog, the main characters speak gibberish, wear their underpants outside their pants, and drink milk from a lady’s nether-regions. This is the kind of thing you could only concoct in the throes of meningitis. Or syphilis. A friend of mine once dressed up like a Droog for a costume party, and I instantly collapsed from pneumonia. This film should start with an advisory note that only those with strong immune systems should continue watching.
Honorable Mentions aslo go to Jacob’s Ladder and the remake of The Manchurian Candidate, for being almost as sweaty as a Gilliam film, The Exorcist for being both scary and gross, and The Thing for featuring an enemy that looks like a big pile of regurgitation.
And if you have any suggestions of your own, for the sake of humanity, please let me know! Get well soon.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Nik said
January 27 2008 @ 7:25 am
You forgot “Slither”! Not one I would ever want to watch while nauseous. Even worse than “Stand By Me”, I would think.
Moriarty said
January 27 2008 @ 9:35 am
I agree with all of them. Plus “Slither”, that “fat thing” was horrible.
Also: “Henry, portrait of a serial killer” sorry but everything in that movie was sooo real, that made me sick.
“Dune”, never watch it when having dinner.
eoin o'faolain said
January 27 2008 @ 1:13 pm
Dune is a good one. The set design is so garish that it’s bit sickening. The Toto soundtrack doesn’t help. The Flash Gordon movie is equally nauseating.
livingdots said
January 27 2008 @ 8:23 pm
that’s it, i’m going to download primer now to check it out
Liz said
January 28 2008 @ 3:40 am
There are six Pythons.
Don’t blame me for pointing that out, it’s my boyfriend’s fault.
Plus, I don’t think the time travel in 12 Monkeys is nearly as bad as Terminator.
Liz said
January 28 2008 @ 3:41 am
…unless you’re not counting the dead Python, of course, but that’s not really fair.
eoin o'faolain said
January 28 2008 @ 4:22 am
Well spotted, Liz, funnily enough I always think there’s 5 Python’s because I exclude Gilliam, as he wasn’t in it! My real excuse is that I was sick. So there.
Time-travel is more prevalent in Terminator, but it’s the combination of set design, framing, and performances, that make 12 Monkey’s a “sicker” film for me.
Livingdots, if I manage to convince even one person to watch Primer, I’ll be happy with myself. It’s a great movie.
kvalanos said
January 30 2008 @ 12:27 am
irreversible was a brilliant film and the camera movement completely appropriate with the themes and storytelling…..other than that, good comments
Kinney said
January 30 2008 @ 12:50 am
I’m definitely looking for Primer as well, sounds great!
Blaine said
January 30 2008 @ 1:31 am
“no genius will ever be nuts enough…”? what kind of logic is that? since when are geniuses known for their sanity?
Louis said
January 30 2008 @ 1:37 am
As much as I love this film, I am never watching it again when I’m sick… The Beatles Yellow Submarine. Go ahead and watch it when sick. eh eh. “hmmmmmmm glooooveee”
Fred Smishshmarsh said
January 30 2008 @ 2:11 am
You give “Primer” too much credit.
Odd-Egil "Oddjob" Auran said
January 30 2008 @ 3:14 am
ANY romantic comedy starring Hugh Grant upsets my stomack whether I’m already sick or not.
Kamakazi Feminist said
January 30 2008 @ 4:25 am
I will agree that Irreversible is the worst movie to watch sick, but it is not a bad movie by itself.
If you want sick, just pop in some lousy torture porn and you’re good to go.
The Ericist said
January 30 2008 @ 4:50 am
How about the vomit drinking scene in Bad Taste? The soundeffects alone will leave you running for the badroom. Or the restaurantscene in Monty Python’s Life of Brian? Or the turtlescene in Cannibal Holocaust, arguably the most disgusting scene ever put to film? And let’s not forget the final scene in Pink Flamingos, where Divine eats dogpoo straight from the source. Ah, the list goes on and on…
RUSTYC said
January 30 2008 @ 7:03 am
Primer was confusing indie crap! I don’t have anything against indie movies, but they’re either good or really bad.
Zakerias said
January 30 2008 @ 7:09 am
Maybe a little unknown. But when i am sick i always refuse to watch Salò o le 120 giornate di Sodoma (Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom). I dare you, i dubble dare to watch it when you’re down with diarhea…
Jim said
January 30 2008 @ 7:21 am
Apocalypse Now! isn’t the kind of experience you want when you’re sick.
Jim said
January 30 2008 @ 7:23 am
Oh! Pi and Requiem for a Dream – Those will make you sick when you’re on antibiotics.
Chris said
January 30 2008 @ 7:42 am
What about Hard Candy. That movie almost gave me a panic attack and I wasn’t even sick. Stars Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson. Check it out, its great.
Jim said
January 30 2008 @ 7:44 am
I tend to avoid panic attacks, Chris. =)
Dan said
January 30 2008 @ 8:12 am
Pi
Hard Candy
Across The Universe – Seriously, if you are in the right state of mind watching this film, there is something wrong with you. Don’t get me wrong, great film… Just insanity.
A Scanner Darkly
Cloverfield – When I went to see it in theatres, there was a delay as the clerks had to clean up a couple pools of vomit… need I say more?
Planet Terror – Ever wanted to see Quentin’s rotting nut sack falling off? Or well the sickos are pretty messed up as they are.
Silent Hill – That scene at the end in the church… Kind o’ crazy…
eoin o'faolain said
January 30 2008 @ 8:15 am
Zak, I watched Salo in full health and if there is one thing I could change about my life, it would be watching that movie.
The “operation” scene in Hard Candy is certainly a good inclusion.
I gave my old flatmate a loan of Requiem for a Dream. He was back from a music festival, and coming down from an array of all sorts of intoxicants. About two hours later I came into the living room to find him cowering in the corner, shivering cold sweats, as the credits rolled.
Snoogins said
January 30 2008 @ 8:26 am
Good call on Stand By Me and Irreversible (even though I’ve never seen the latter, I can’t stand spaz-cam movies!) Primer was a total piece of crapola (no budget doesn’t mean the script has to suck) from beginning to end, but it didn’t make me sick.
A few more additions:
THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT: I just found this movie’s sense of mounting panic and shoddy picture and sound quality (which was the point, obviously) was enough to make me feel ill.
THE LORDS OF DOGTOWN: I saw this in the theatre, and had to close my eyes for 20 minutes or I was gonna ralph, no kidding. Had they not been free tickets to the premiere, I would certainly have demanded a refund.
28 DAYS LATER: The motion combined with the icky, hopeless feeling and subject matter (a zombifying virus) make this unsuitable sick day viewing material.
LEAVING LAS VEGAS: Okay, just don’t watch this if you have a hangover. You may identify with the movie better, but you sure as hell won’t enjoy it…..
and a movie to watch if you DO have a hangover…
DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE: It’s my prescribed hangover day movie. Bruce Willis goes through all that crap, blowing up bad guys and waltzing around Harlem with an inconvenient sandwich board all while suffering from what has to be at least a 7 on 10 hangover. For anyone who’s ever gone out drinking till 3 AM, then started work five hours later, still drunk never mind hungover, this movie will make you feel better.
Mr Mad said
January 30 2008 @ 8:43 am
Caligula
Either of the Hostel Movies. Try watching them while eating something….
Sam said
January 30 2008 @ 8:44 am
you forgot peter jacksons ‘Braindead’ the scene with his mother at the end. oh.dear.god.
The Ericist said
January 30 2008 @ 8:59 am
I said ‘Life of Brian’, but I meant ‘Meaning of Life’.
terry said
January 30 2008 @ 9:00 am
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom — chilled monkey brains sent me flying to the bathroom during a nasty bout of flu.
eoin o'faolain said
January 30 2008 @ 9:15 am
Snoggins, I think 28 Weeks Later is even worse- shaky cam, lots of violence, very dark, and much, MUCH, nastier film. I felt depressed when it ended, where at least 28 Days Later has a glimmer of hope.
Woah, what’s with all the Primer hating? I found it a very intelligent film, that only suffered from a poor sound mix. But hey, if you hate it, that makes it even worse to watch when sick
.
Brian said
January 30 2008 @ 9:35 am
What about My Girl, Don’t tell mom the babysitter’s dead, Wayne’s World 1 and 2, and Superman 4 the quest for peace? These are all sure upchuckers.
lancifer said
January 30 2008 @ 10:10 am
The first thing that came to my mind was Cronenberg’s THE FLY, what with the body parts falling off and the ever worsening condition of Goldblum. This movie would definitely make you feel worse!- kindertrauma.com
eoin o'faolain said
January 30 2008 @ 10:15 am
Cronenberg!!! How could I forget Cronenberg? The master of Visual Nausea!!!! The vaginal talking wounds of Videodrone. Jude Law eating goop in Existenz. Heads exploding in Scanners. The fingernails being pulled off in The Fly. Everything about Naked Lunch (should have been called Revisited Lunch). It’s all coming back to me like a regurgitaion of the memory!
Thank you (and curse you) Lancifer, I knew I was missing something in the article.
samburaj said
January 30 2008 @ 10:33 am
I’d have one entry into that list ; Requiem of a dream . enough said
anniemay111 said
January 30 2008 @ 11:12 am
dead alive- the ear in the custard. i literally amost puked on the girl sitting next to me while watching that scene in a horror film class.
blair witch/cloverfield- shaky cam!!
manos- the hands of fate: it’s just so bad…
skinned deep – the film was just so terribe that when my dad mentioned it at breakfast the next day, i started to gag on my food.
now, here’s the thing: i have an issue where, with super-bad (mst3k-worthy) films, i literally get physically ill if i’m eating something while watching it and will most likely avoid said food for months on end just because it reminds me of that movie. it’s weird, i know, but bad films just make me sick. there are some mainstream/decent films that have made me feel nauseous before, but nothing really gets to me like an extremey terrible movie.
bob said
January 30 2008 @ 11:15 am
i made the mistake of watching Midnight Cowboy with a wet hacking cough one day. Not a good combo.
All Dustin Hoffman does in that movie is cough and die.
Steve Higney said
January 30 2008 @ 12:12 pm
Whenever I think of movies that I avoid when sick was The Blob remake. Sometime in high school I was home sick throwing up every 5 minutes, and something about the gory mechanical effects and the fact your watching a giant ball of snot dissolving people just made my day that much worse.
Bree said
January 30 2008 @ 1:14 pm
You forgot Inbred Redneck Alien Abduction. The part where he sticks his arm up a cow is very gross. And don’t get started about that hole in the watermelon. Crazy.
Northie said
January 30 2008 @ 1:24 pm
These seem like weird choices maybe, but the day I got my tonsils out my friend brought over Labyrinth, for some reason the pairing of David Bowie’s package and muppets on acid didn’t work well with my mental state. Also, I tried to watch The Phantom of the Opera(from 2004)alone while still on medication from the tonsillectomy and was entirely confused in an angry sort of way the whole time.
Antonio said
January 30 2008 @ 1:29 pm
Well, I don’t think I could have done a better list of stomach churning movies. One honorable mention comes to mind, and it’s dually gory and funny. I don’t remember which one, but there was the scene of one of the Toxic Avenger movies where the main character, a hideously disfigured vigilante, beats the crap out of some shmoe, then rips out his intestines and proceeds to jump rope with it. Gross, but really FRAKKIN funny (love that BSG!!!)
Preston said
January 30 2008 @ 1:50 pm
Perhaps Evil Dead would not be a good choice during sickness. Some of those transformations from human to demonic ghoul are rather hideous. And the forest chase scene is kinda disturbing.
bhiku mahtre said
January 30 2008 @ 2:08 pm
Mr. eoin o’faolain,
one of the unfortunate things of the free world of web is that some moronic kids like you also get the chance to talk crap about things far beyond the capacity of your bird brain. the other unfortunate part is, sometimes even the usually reliable informative sites also put a link to such an article; and make decent intelligent up people to unknowingly stumble into it, ending up reading a few lines of garbage.
eoin o'faolain said
January 30 2008 @ 2:17 pm
“and make decent intelligent up people to unknowingly stumble into it, ending up reading a few lines of garbage.”
Maybe if you could speak English properly, I would have treated your comment seriously.
Maybe if you “got” the frivilous nature of the article, I’d regard you as more than some sort of internet troll just out to get a reaction.
Go back to your Bhau Thakur Jhawle gang.
Preston said
January 30 2008 @ 2:23 pm
Also,
Dark City – staring at white, pasty bald guys with horrible teeth that go around putting everyone to sleep is pretty freaky when you’re trying to rest it up while ill
Total Recall – do you want to watch Arnie pull a golf-ball size, glowing red orb out of his nose, three people slowly explode on the surface of Mars, and a telepathic mutant living on the surface of some guy’s stomach drooling with ghost-white eyes while you’re sick? I don’t.
Event Horizon – the vindictive spirit of a haunted starship creating sheer insanity with a high gore rating makes for a better date movie than a sick movie
a few others,
Dreamcatcher – the cabin bathroom scene
From Dusk Till Dawn – the last half of the whole movie
Versus – Japanese splatterfest, yet awesome movie for healthy times
The Descent – though the chick factor is nice on the eyes, most of the other aspects of the movie are both claustrophobic and ultra-bloody
Jess said
January 30 2008 @ 2:27 pm
The most sickening movie ever is GUMMO!!!!!! There is a scene with this gross little boy eating spaghetti and chocolate bars while taking a bath in some dark, dirty bath water. Those who have seen this movie know exactly what I am talking about. The whole movie is gross.
nick said
January 30 2008 @ 2:52 pm
Having just seen Sweeney Todd recently, I can honestly tell you that isnt a film I’d want to watch while I was unwell. Some other ones are:
1) Any of Steven Seagal’s earlier films, his new ones just dont do it for me
2) Gladiator, great movie but I’m not wanting to see many stabbings while I”m feeling under the weather
3) Fast and the Furious/ XXX, good movies with Vin Diesel but motion sickness can do funny things to people, plus the roar of the car’s engines would give me a headache
4) I completely agree with Terry about Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, who wants to see people eating chilled monkey’s brains, bugs crawling round everywhere, and a guy getting his heart ripped out before being lowered into a hot firey pit?
5) How can we forget the “Kill Bill” films? Pretty much anything made by Quentin Tarantino or Robert Rodriguez would be taboo while you’re not feeling all that well
6) The General’s Daughter, a great drama with John Travolta but its main subject matter and rape scene would turn me completely off if I was unwell
Peggy Plant said
January 30 2008 @ 3:43 pm
I can’t believe that anyone here has seen the last 25% of Audition and not give it first prize (especially if you’re of the male species). For me, I loved it!
St. Patrick said
January 30 2008 @ 3:48 pm
As far as puke-fests go, what about that wonderful scene in ‘Porky’s 2: The Next Day’ with Kaki Hunter and Ed Winter in the swanky restaurant? For delerium, stay away from ‘Memento’. Then, of course, there’s the ‘Evil Dead’ series…
alpermie said
January 30 2008 @ 4:09 pm
The Machinist – it made my stomach hurt. I kind of liked the sick in my stomach feeling when I was well, but I’d hate to watch if I was sick.
David said
January 30 2008 @ 4:12 pm
Pink Flamingos- Divine devouring a pile of dog excrement
Saw 2- Xavier throwing Amanda into the pit of dirty, old needles
Alien- the famous chest-bursting demise of Kane
Last House on the Left- the stabbing and disenbowelment of Phyillis
Guinea Pig: Flowers of Flesh and Blood- the snuff-like torture scene, which is basically the entire film
Jill said
January 30 2008 @ 4:18 pm
How to eat fried worms-horrible movie if you have anything stomach related
Cat said
January 30 2008 @ 4:42 pm
Eraserhead. ‘Nuff said.
Austin said
January 30 2008 @ 4:56 pm
The first 30 minutes of Perfume: Story of a Murderer is enough to turn your stomach. I had the misfortune of eating dinner during the beginning of the movie. My girlfriend had to put her meal down for a while.
StanleyOG said
January 30 2008 @ 5:13 pm
Bad Taste…an old school cult classic…if you’ve never seen this movie, i highly recommend it, just not if you’re sick, some of the best gore ever
Franken Virgo said
January 30 2008 @ 5:35 pm
Frankenhooker…well what more can I say
Cinemoose said
January 30 2008 @ 7:52 pm
The Bourne Supremacy, The Bourne Ultimatum, United 93 or any other movie directed by Paul “Handheld” Greengrass.
FlipThePrinceCharming said
January 30 2008 @ 7:56 pm
HOW is it that NO ONE mentioned Audition? Kiri, kiri, kiri…. EUgh. Can’t stand it. But I don’t think Dead-Alive is really that bad… Its so FAKE! (Its also my favorite movie)
Gsharon710 said
January 30 2008 @ 8:53 pm
Take all the films mentioned, roll into a big ball and you will see the number “2″ of films not to watch while sick. There cannot be anymore numbers after 2. Number “1″ is,
…..drum roll….” The Luau ” You will need stomach repair surgery after fifteen minutes into it.
Brianna said
January 30 2008 @ 9:22 pm
The only movie that has ever made me physically ill was Cabin Fever. The scene with the leg shaving was soooo gross! I also have to say The Sentinel from 1977. Extremely trippy and gory.
NickFlix said
January 30 2008 @ 9:26 pm
Little known ditty called Society directed by Brian Yuzna. Awful movie. Bad acting, shoddy effects, and really bad editing. BUT, the ending, where this weird “society” of people basically suck the life out of people, I remember being genuinely taken aback and sickened by it. They become very rubbery and their faces stretch out to suck on people. It didn’t help that the guy who gets eaten genuinely didn’t deserve it.
Rock Hogan said
January 30 2008 @ 9:51 pm
FUCK YOU FOR NOT HAVING “DEAD ALIVE!” In all seriousness, that movie will create horrible nausea.
Larry Eustachy said
January 30 2008 @ 11:49 pm
Know what movie’s the worst to watch when you’re sick?
2 Girls and 1 Cup
Movies To Watch After You’ve Called In Sick « Riverside Living said
February 19 2008 @ 12:39 am
[...] Films not to watch while you’re ill include “Twelve Monkeys” and “A Clockwork Orange”. I’d also include anything that is vomit inducing or “The Exorcist”. Buzzing sounds and satan’s voice make me sick, u? Also Jackass, when Dave England takes a dump in a hardware store toilet. *vomit* [...]
schysophrenia said
September 15 2008 @ 10:10 pm
*August Underground Mordum*
- watch it healthy…it will make you sick.
- watch it sick…it will make you vomit your guts out.
*need I say more?* [grinds]
Rebecca said
March 4 2009 @ 5:34 pm
Very nice post, I share the same position about this.
Dagan said
March 15 2009 @ 12:18 am
This is not bad advice, unlike a lot I have come across.
perrita anal said
March 15 2009 @ 5:22 pm
I liked the post and your writing style. I’m adding you to my RSS reader.