Van Halen, as you've probably heard, may or may not follow in the footsteps of INXS and embarrass the high flaming monkey shit out of any remaining fans they might have left with a search for a new singer on "reality show" Rockstar: The Series. That's right, it is now officially impossible to enjoy Van Halen music. Even if you're the least concerned person on earth with trends or image, and you play the early good discs with earphones from an unmarked CD-R with all of the windows closed and the lights off, with whatever Pitchfork says is okay this week playing over the speakers for cover, you know, deep inside, that the one-time mightiest rock band in the world has gone too far down the rabbit hole of fucking uncool, man. Thanks to Mark Burnett, Van Halen has been plumbed to depths where even Crystal Pepsi could not bore: they have crossed over into self-parody, Monkees style.

The dinosaur, she is petroleum.

To properly morn the passing, we link here to three cuts of a live performance from 1981 in Oakland, all tracks from the Fair Warning album, which was by far the best Van Halen release. That's not a subjective opinion, there was test, with all kinds of science, and it is fact.

First, here's Unchained, likewise scientifically proven their best song:

Next, Hear About It Later:

And finally, So This Is Love?. Oh, the fucking irony:

Our pain etched out in stone thanks to the Tombstone Generator, Vids thanks to Vondozier.