Marry Tom Cruise in 30 Days
This isn't new, but we missed it the first time, and it hasn't gotten any less strange:
"Niki Yan, who has legally changed her last name to "Cruise" has been in love with Tom since she was a child. No one in her village knows who he is, except her. She is also a writer, of several published books, and an actor. She wants to be an actress. She wanted to escape the impoverished village she grew up in. She probably does not want a husband who is good with pigs, as her grandmother wants for her. And she is honest. She tells us about using the pigs' tongues for toilet paper and/or sex. Maybe we are all squeamish--like; however, as she presents it, there is a distinct lack of resources and stimuli in the village."
Sometimes we think she's sort of cute, sometimes we think she's actually Fred Armisen, and we're suckers.
From the excellently named Frog Style Biscuit!