Tom issues a thank you memo to the darkside:

"Dear Satan/Spirit of L. Ron Hubbard, Just wanted to catch up a bit. Hopefully you guys are in touch and are working closely together as promised. Thanks for not letting your egos get in the way of my success or making me choose between you two. I love both of you equally (in a totally non-gay way!) Are you sure you guys aren't just pretending you're two people to double your commissions?? J/K :)"

Katie piggybacks:

"...Get my parents on board with my new boyfriend as well as my conversion to Scientology, but if that doesn't work, kill them. Thanks so much!!!!"

From the desk of Tom Cruise [Bob From Accounting] With thanks to Lohan... however probably not the Lohan we'd like.